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Reply rainbow write;; a writer's guild.
*sighs* First submission... Original story.

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Devil Atelier

PostPosted: Sat Dec 06, 2008 7:11 pm


I must say, this peice is quite old. But I plan to continue, I hope you like it's few good points. ^^;


Here we go.

"And so the investigation continues. The scientists vow to desolve the mystery behind the 'Dream Children' . A special race of demi humans that live among us, so to furth-" The TV screen darkened as the set was turned off, there standing was a young woman, about in her late teens. She had purple hair and serious blue eyes, she wore a black coat over a white dress, laced in the middle to hold it together. The woman wore a tired expression as she pointed the remote control at the radio and soon melodious classic music lightened the feel of the room. Salakyo, enjoyed this particular genre of music very much, it relaxed her nerves. Nothing like Mozart to relieve her nerves.

With a yawn she plopped on the couch, and there now laying supine on the rather old couch she gazed at the worn ceiling on her dorm and let her mind dance to the rythme of the music. She swore, nothing could ruin this moment. Suddenly a knock sounded on the door, completely disrupting the peace of the room. Well.... Almost nothing...
Salakyo cringed before sitting up and gazing at the door, an annoyed expression etched into her serious face. The purple haired girl let out an exasperated sigh before replying. "Coming." She quickly slipped on her boots and walked slowly to the door. She spared a quick glance at the doorknob and then opened the door in the slightest manner. The girl peaked out from the small opening in the door. "Who is it?" Her voice was calm and collected, as always. A blonde man stood primly outside the door, a plethora of books on hand and some of them were pretty thick.

"Hello Salakyo." The man responded, this man was none other than Charles M Falmyser. Salakyo's eyes widened and she quickly opened the door and greeted with a bow. "Mr. Falmyser, What brings you here?" Salakyo inquired to the older man. The older man adjusted his reading glasses and stared at his favorite student. A small grin spread across his face as he presented the books to Salakyo. "I'm here to bring you your homework, Ms. Udias." Charles' grin widened at the face that Salakyo made, honestly, she was a star student and gained the title of 'Teacher's pet' but there was something she hated. The homework. Salakyo quickly took the books and soon found out that they were quite heavy. "Would you like a cup of tea?" The young woman asked as she felt she was starting to succumb to the hefty books.

"No thank you. I will see you soon. " the man said simply before walking off, leaving behind his student to think and study. Salakyo struggled to the kitchen/living room and placed the books on the sofa, praying that the old piece of furniture would hold such weight. She glared at the inanimate objects with spite and hate. "I hope you burn..." With that said she turned her back at the books and walked towards the stove and re-heated the tea that she had this morning. Salakyo sighed, all this stress would certainly cause her to grow old before her time came.
PostPosted: Sat Dec 06, 2008 7:49 pm


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It flows quite nicely, though in occasions, seems to be a bit forced. Your way of writing has potential, as it's graceful and yet, to the point and not a hard read.


saint aero

Vice Captain

Versatile Man-Lover


Devil Atelier

PostPosted: Sun Dec 07, 2008 10:31 am


Thank you so much. <333

Yeah, It does does seem a bit forced in places... ^^;
PostPosted: Sun Dec 07, 2008 10:40 am


But it's easy to fix. Don't worry about it so much.


saint aero

Vice Captain

Versatile Man-Lover

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rainbow write;; a writer's guild.

 
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