|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Thu Oct 30, 2008 7:57 pm
one within or one without to be in love or be in doubt
gray days and black nights, twisting paths and lied lights
lonely roads wandered in doubt, riddled with loss and trajedy throughout
true loves won and lost, one's rejoice while the others at loss
lines of fate in ones own palm, yet the words of truth can bring one qualm
in life theres death in death theres life, each in turn by the pipers fife
though little to do can get much done, but now this rhyme must come undone
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Nov 11, 2008 4:53 pm
It was very good, I enjoyed it ^^ Shikimaruru one within or one without , to be in love or be in doubt gray days and black nights, twisting paths and lied lights lonely roads wandered in doubt, riddled with loss and trajedy throughout true loves won and This right here breaks the rythme. Try saying 'true loves won and true loves lost' or something similiar to keep the syllable patern lost, one's rejoice while the others at That 'at' also breaks the rythm. Drop it and just say 'others loss'loss lines of fate in ones own palm, yet the words of truth can bring one qualm This line doesn't flow well. Try experimenting with different words or phrasingsin life theres death in death theres life, each in turn by the pipers fife though little to do can get much done, but now this rhyme must come undone
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Nov 30, 2009 9:54 pm
i disagree with shimitana, all you have to do is find the rythem and then all the words fall together and they not only rhyme but they also flow very easily, try reading it and changing some of the lines' paces, youll see what i mean, the first, second, and last lines are my favorite xD but in the first one [[you dont have to]] it sounds cooler with a secon "to" in there but thats just me it sounds wonderful without it
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Dec 01, 2009 2:40 pm
Poetry has no need for spelling or grammar. It's above it all.
Quote Poe, and you'd understand.
Poets can make as many errors as they want. It's their own writing.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
