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 Posted: Sat Jan 08, 2005 2:08 am
My Tea (A Free Verse Poem)
The debris that remain at the bottom of my mug,
Slightly shaken when I lift the bag,
Are extra particles of my life...
Not needed,
Unnecessary,
And slightly bitter when mixed into the water (which is already bursting with flavour)
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Posted: Mon Jan 10, 2005 3:23 pm
Wow! I'm really not a huge poetry fan, but I like that! It was incredibly strong until you threw in the brackets; I found that threw off the rhythm that had been informally established in the poem. That may have also bee intentional on your part, too, I don't know. But nicely done! The title makes it seem like it's going to be something pleasant and a bit quaint, but you turn it around nicely.
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The Bookwyrm Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Jan 29, 2005 8:17 pm
Not sure if its meant to be taken as cute, but that's what I thought of it! It was really good. I agree about the brackets at the end, but even that didn't seem like a huge problem since it was at the end of the poem. biggrin
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Posted: Sun Feb 06, 2005 5:00 pm
Hmm... I had to mull over this one for a bit to even begin to read under the words. It has a sad tint to it, and it's so slight that I'm not even sure if it was intentional or not. I'm leaning more toward yes, it was. But when I finally did find a meaning, I really got to liking it! It's just... awsome, you know? It's quaint, and it has amazing visualization and meaning. I love it. ^^
Hm... concrit, the only thing I can tell you is "Not needed" with "Unecessary" right under it is repeatative, but it doesn't detract. Actually, it probably better reaffirms the meaning behind it. Okay, nevermind. gonk I can't find anything wrong with it. That's a good thing, but I always try to help writers improve. Good work!
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