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 Posted: Thu Oct 23, 2008 7:09 pm
Pour my heart into verse.
No secrets can hide here.
I’ll put my heart in the flames.
Will it burn or become pure?
Stress and confusion; it’s all a jumbled mess
Trapped in Daedalos’s labyrinth of twists and knots
Did I take the path of least resistance
Or did I take the path best not taken?
The best years of my life feel like the worst
A rain that never seems to go away
Clouding the small rays of sun
That fight their way through the clouds
I find the sun through a melody
Flowers bloom as the verse progresses
A rainbow in the voice in an empty room
My heart burned pure; if only for a moment.
I was told by my professor that I needed to meld the images together a bit better. For example: I start off with a fire image and then seem to abandon it until the last stanza... Any suggestions? Please tell me what you think...
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Posted: Mon Nov 10, 2008 9:39 pm
You get into rain. Maybe have the rain related to the fire, water and fire don't mix. Try doing something with that.
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princess_Im_bored Captain
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Posted: Fri Dec 26, 2008 9:20 am
Thanks. I'll try and see how I can work that in. I'm not used to reworking my poetry. I usually write it in a spark of inspiration and then I'm done with it... so difficult to edit...
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