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All I Can't Say

there are so many words i cannot say,
when i look into your eyes.
i want to be able to tell you one day,
but i'm left speechless everytime i try.

You must have stumbled across the key,
and discovered so much more.
You found a hidden place in me,
you found my heart and opened the door.
And i cried in pain
of losing my dear friend.

Will it ever be the same again?
If it passes will it be the end?
I realized it was worth so much,
as i lie in bed that night.
so i allowed my soul to be touched,
without even putting up a fight.
Are my eyes decieving me,
when i see you standing there?
are you playing games,
just to prove i care?

You speak my name in a prelude,
in a reference to love,
with such loving attitude,
as if it were a message from above.
with the palms of your hands
pressed firmly against mine,
a white dove lands,
and the sun begins to shine.

Someday i will see,
though that day has not come yet.
You'll say you love me,
but will you ever forget?
If that happens and my spirit dies,
if my emotions drop,
will you want to hold me when i cry?
or will the love just suddenly stop?
We can't expect to fall in love and never cry.

You'll stay and play your part,
but after the beauty starts to die,
will your foot prints still be on my heart?
Though it would be hard to say goodbye,
your friend I'll always be,
as long as we try,
to keep the friendship between you and me.

The letter I will not send
will casually inquire,
how could you have brought it to an end?
I was your one desire.
After this life is over,
you'll be the one person i know i'll miss.

It'll be too late to start over, and so i leave you with this...
I'll hold you for a life time,
if you'll just hold my hand.
We could have a wonderful time,
in the days we have not planned.

Thank you very much. I wrote this when me and my ex. broke up. We dated for five years and I was rather upset when she left.

I have excerpts from a novel I'm writing typed on my computer. I'd post them up but I doubt anyone would want to read them. I've been told I'm a poor writer. Which is a depressing thought because I aspire to become a writer. Oh well I guess; I can always dream right? razz

o.o
Monster post, wolfie.
Please do not take this offensively, but the biggest thing I think you need to work on is the styling. Right now it's very closed, so make the breaks a little more obviously.
Otherwise your characters are interesting, and the novel seems promising.

vampires continued

He was about to take another path to cut her off again when he noticed a gap in the scaffolding and decided he’d had enough of this cat and mouse game. He caught her by the back of her leather coat and pulled her back against him. Her feet were dangling above the metal walk by at least a foot and a half. She made to kick him and he gave her a small shake before wagging a long finger in her face. She smacked his finger away from her face.
“Put me down, you great lout!” She struggled against the arm he wrapped around her slender waist.
“Now, Pigeon, you are making me feel as though you don’t like me.” His voice was soft in her ear. His warm breath fluttered against her neck giving her shivers. He caught both her hands and held them in one of his.
“I will let you down if you promise not to run again. Surely you know I would catch you anyway and I won’t be so nice next time.” His lips were close to her ear as he spoke. He couldn’t help breath her scent into his lungs. She still smelled deliciously of fear but anger had added itself to the mix. It was very intoxicating indeed. He felt the shiver go through her body when his lips brushed the sensitive area beneath her ear when he spoke.
He held her against his hard body for several more minutes until she acquiesced. Just to be irritating he held onto her a moment longer before placing her feet on the walkway. No sooner had her feet touched the ground then she whirled on him yelling something at him that he didn’t quite catch while punctuating each word with a slap. He would have laughed at her audacity had he not been in such a foul mood to begin with. The theft of his personal belongings had only contributed to it. Making him well and truly piqued.
He wrapped a long fingered hand around each arm above the elbows then lifted her up so she was eye to eye with him. Heaven above she was enough to make a saint sin he thought to himself. Heaven knew he was no saint. He mirrored her thoughts of earlier though his had a completely different meaning. She kicked out at him again. This time the thick sole of her lug boot made contact with his leg just below the knee. He didn’t even groan damn him. Neither did he put her down. She hauled the leg back preparing to give another kick when he shook her almost hard enough to make her teeth rattle.
“Stop that.” he ground out. “I swear to heaven woman I have never wanted to do violence to a female before in my very long life, but you are pushing my limits.” He honestly had never met a woman that didn’t cower at his feet when he was in the midst of the change like he was now. Even when he was human he had never had problems with women like he was having with this one.
He stopped his brooding when he felt her stiffen beneath his hands. She finally had ceased her assault on his person and truly looked at him. She stared into his eyes or rather at his eyes. They were no longer the deep blue they had been when they were first face to face. They were now almost white the pupil a tiny pinpoint in the center of the unnatural iris. Her eyes widened in astonishment. There was no fear in the depths of her eyes that he could make out only curiosity now. He was slightly curious to see if she would cry out in fear if he let the change take him completely while holding her thus. No. He was becoming tired of this game and only wanted his belongings so he could go about his way.
“Pigeon, I will let you go only once more. Do not try me. Do you understand?” She nodded. “I am not toying with you.” He bared his teeth in a snarl that he tried to pass off as a tight smile.
Oh, holy man, he’s sexy even when he’s pissed she thought. His voice was very gruff at this point but still had the ability to turn her insides to mush. She couldn’t place the accent. It wasn’t one she had ever heard before. But she knew she wanted to hear more of it.
He placed her feet on the walkway once again with more gentleness than she probably deserved. She rubbed her upper arms where his hands had held her. She was sure they would hold the imprint of his large hands for days to come. Her eyes were cast down hiding her thoughts from him. He wasn’t so sure he liked that or not. It gave her the appearance of meekness. She was anything but meek. She was a little hellion.
Her gaze traveled to his shoes taking in the black matte leather shoe then moved on to the denim clad legs that seemed to go on for days. He certainly was a tall glass of water. His jeans were black and faded in all the right places. Especially...get your head out of the gutter she reprimanded herself. Her gaze hesitated a moment longer below his belt then continued up his torso. His waist was trim. She could see the six pack beneath the snug fitting cotton shirt. The higher her eyes traipsed the dryer her mouth became. Her fingers longed to reach out and stroke the muscles of his chest. Yes, that red shirt definitely hugged his body to perfection. It should be illegal to look that good.
He stood patiently while she looked him over. He was used to this type of attention from women. They saw the beauty on the outside but failed to see the torment that lived within. He cleared his throat politely drawing her attention back to his face. She looked into his eyes but was slightly distracted when he rubbed his jaw with a knuckle. Her eyes focused on the bunched muscle of his biceps then. He wasn’t overly muscular like one of those tiny brained weight lifters but he was very nicely defined.
Their eyes met and she found his were again the dark blue she had first seen. The pupils were still tiny points and she vaguely thought that unusual. They should have been dilated if only the tiniest bit due to the lack of any real light inside the building. Later she would contemplate that when he was gone.
He didn’t seem overly interested in her and it tweaked her a little. She didn’t know that he’d had plenty of time to observe her when she was hiding above him here on the scaffolding. He had perfect night vision even on the blackest of nights. It was practically daylight for him inside this building. She had seemed like a tiny little bird perched up there hiding in the shadows.
When he trailed the boy into the abandoned building he had known right away that there was another occupant in residence. He entered the open door quietly. Listening for the boys heavy breathing. He heard them argue above him but didn’t give it away. He felt surprise was always the best bet. A sharp sound like a slap was heard then a growl a whispered hiss from the female again then the metal walkway began to make a soft pinging noise. He knew they were on the move again.
He didn’t know why he called out to the boy. The boy didn’t stop but the girl did. She seemed to freeze above him then quickly crouch down from view.
Now here he was with the hellion born of a scaredy cat. No boy. No personal items. He wanted to hit something.
“Where did the boy go?” His voice was rough. He couldn’t help it.
“Huh?” She squeaked.
“Where did the boy go?” he asked again patiently.
“What boy?” she asked innocently. She looked as if she were confused by his question. He couldn’t sense any deceit in her at the moment.
“The boy I followed into this building. The one you were running through the rafters with trying to get away. That boy.”
“Oh. That was my brother. He’s not a boy though, he’s twenty. He acts like he’s twelve most of the time though.” She gave him plenty of information but not that which he wanted to know.
“Where did he go, this highly experienced man of twenty?”
“I don’t know. He’s not very reliable, you should know. What do you want with him?”
He groaned. He didn’t think she quite got the way this interrogation was supposed to go. He was the one asking the questions here. Briefly he thought he liked her better when she was scared to death of him.
“He has something of mine that I want back.” he ran fingers through his hair in frustration before continuing, “Will he come back here looking for you?”
“Perhaps in a day or two.” her eyes widened at the look on his face, “What? I told you he wasn’t very reliable!”
“Look little pigeon, for your sake you better hope he comes back before that.” He took a menacing step towards her.
“Stop calling me that! I’m not a bird!” She didn’t back away when he came even closer to glare down at her. She stood her ground not giving in to the fear that wanted desperately to escape. Her eyes glared hotly right back at him. His eyes were taking on the feral gleam again that had sent her running earlier.
“Pigeon, I don’t think you see the eminent danger you are in right now.” he hissed. The accent became thicker the angrier he became she noticed. She also noticed the blue of his irises becoming opaque again. That wasn’t the only changes happening to him. His perfect white teeth were different. The size of his eye teeth was substantially longer and seemed to her much sharper. This couldn’t be good at all. Oh, holy man!
“You’re a...” she didn’t finish her thought as he now had her pinned against the wall a hand on either side of her head.
“That’s right pigeon. I am.” his voice was like warm velvet over her skin. He confirmed her unspoken guess without putting a name to it himself. He was trying to hold on to his control trying to scare her just enough to make her think. But she smelled so damn good. Not fear this time. Just pure undiluted adrenalin. He was bent down leaning against the wall to look her in the eye as he spoke to her. He leaned closer placing his cheek against hers to inhale more of her scent. Heaven help them if desire should come into this. He didn’t know if he would be able to deny that hunger. It had been so long since he had indulged in that appetite.
She trembled delicately when his breath feathered her ear. Her hands reached for him. Whether it was to pull him closer or push him away she wasn’t entirely positive. But she heard a moan and didn’t know which one of them it came from. Her palms pressed against his chest.
“Ah, little pigeon, you smell so delicious I could eat you up.” he groaned.
When the words sank in to her muddled brain she jumped as though coming out of a dream. That was when her hands on his chest began pushing him away in earnest. She felt the rumble in his chest before the deep sound of laughter hit her ears. He snapped his teeth together next to her exposed neck before he said, “That’s better. Safer for the both of us.” He scraped his teeth over the delicate white skin below her ear in a silent warning. It was a bad move. He knew it in a heartbeat. Her heartbeat. It accelerated beneath his lips. Pulsing wildly. Taunting him.
He growled low in his throat when her fingers clenched digging her nails into his chest. She wasn’t shoving him away any longer. This was very bad indeed. He slid his tongue over the scrape feeling her heart beating madly. Her blood sang to him. He couldn’t help himself. He placed his hands under her arms and dragged her soft body hard against his own. She wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck.
She showed no hesitation or lack of enthusiasm. She held onto him tightly kissing him full on the mouth. There was no revulsion at what he was at how he looked. She accepted him as he was. His hands slid down her back to cup her buttocks then slid under her thighs. His fingers contacted bare skin where her tights stopped and her skirt fell away from her legs. He tightened his grip on her naked thighs pulling her hips closer to him. His hands glided up her thighs to her buttocks again insinuating themselves under her panties to kneed the firm rounded flesh there.
He felt the heat from between her legs as he pressed her core more firmly against his rock hard stomach. She moan into his mouth from the sharp thrill of their bodies touching so intimately. Vaguely she thought this was insane but couldn’t stop herself. Later she would think about it and wonder what he had done to her to make her so wanton but right now it felt to damn good to worry about it.
Her heat seeped into him where their bodies touched. Even though their skin didn’t touch he could feel her heat wrapping itself around him. Pulling him in. He could smell her and she was like an addictive drug that he couldn’t put down. The need to sink himself into her was so strong he pulled his head back away from her throat. She didn’t stop kissing him though. She placed several kisses along his jaw and down his throat.
His breathing was so heavy she felt each breath he took where their bodies were in such intimate contact. Each breath sent pulses through her body nearly igniting her. She thought she might well embarrass herself if he kept pressing against her like that.
He came to his senses when he felt her teeth against his throat. It was only a tiny n** of his skin but it was enough to wake him up. He slid his hands down her legs which were wrapped around him to circle her ankles at his back. He began to untangle himself from her.
“Release me.” his voice was strained even to his own ears. She continued to hold him close kissing his neck. “Pigeon, if you don’t release me now, you will soon be very sorry.” Letting go of her ankles he grasped her hands from his shoulders and pulled her roughly from him when he felt her teeth brush his neck again.
He had to assume that she didn’t know she had been playing with fire when she nipped him with her teeth. She couldn’t possibly know what biting him would have done to him. He had to stop this insanity before he did something they both would regret when it was over.
He practically dropped her to the metal walkway he let go of her so quickly. He turned his back to her. His breath rasped in his throat as he tried to gain control. His hands shook as he shoved them forcefully through his hair. Cold sweat broke out over his body. He had never let himself get so close to the change without giving in. The way this was tearing him apart inside he didn’t see it happening again anytime soon.
Damn, he was peevish. Before she could catch her breath from his first little lesson, he snatched her up by the front of her jacket with one hand and dangled her over the scaffolding. Though she was reasonably sure he wouldn’t kill her before he could get his precious things back, she wrapped her hands around his wrist in a death grip to be sure. He let her hang there for a moment before he spoke.
“I will give you three days to bring my belongings back to me. My address is in the notebook inside the bag. If I don’t hear from you in three days, I will come looking for you.” he pulled her face close to his before continuing, “ My advice, pigeon, don’t make me come looking for you.” With that he pulled her back to safety and shoved her against the wall with enough force that it knocked the breath from her. She closed her eyes and winced at the contact. When she opened her eyes again he was gone.
She slid down the wall into a heap heaving a sigh of relief. She couldn’t believe what she had just seen. She pinched herself to she if she had been dreaming. No, no such luck.

* * * *
Galen was well and truly pissed. He wanted to stay there and wait for the insolent bugger to return and give him the thrashing he deserved. But he was needed back at Romani’s to cook this evening. He was fuming by the time he reached the club. In all his years on this planet no one had ever dared to take something from him. This was new territory for him. One he didn’t really want to explore.
Speaking of something new, what the hell was up with his reaction to that little chit? He was positive he had intended to only frighten her not to almost ravish her. But when she wrapped herself around him like that he nearly lost his head. Even now, he could still feel the lustful craving for her body. Her scent still clung to him. He needed to shower. That would get her out of his head. He was sure of it. Well, it seemed like a good place to start.
He meticulously removed his clothing and placed it folded into the clothes hamper sitting in his bedroom by the door leading to the bathroom. He was strange that way. He was somewhat of a neat freak. Sometimes he would wonder if he had been like that when he was alive or had he picked that trait up along with the others when he was changed. It annoyed him sometimes as well. It limited him. He would be compelled to stop and fix things that were out of place no matter what he was doing at the time. He could be distracted by puzzles. Not able to stop till he figured it out. There had been a time when he had to count everything he came upon. It took him many centuries to curb that compulsion. For some reason though he couldn’t get past the neatness. But he supposed there were worse things in life than neatness.
He stepped under the blast of water letting it take away the haunt of her. He stood beneath the spray for several minutes before he began to wash. The heat from the water soaked into his skin making him feel most alive. It was very late winter now and the sun set early bringing the chill of evening. It was one of the things he didn’t like about the north west U.S. The seasonal chill made his body lethargic. He tired easily in the cold. Though the longer nights let him be active more hours than the summer ones they sapped his strength. The hot shower rejuvenated him nicely.
He stayed in the glass enclosed shower some minutes longer letting the hot water pulse down on his head. Even after several decades with hot running water it never got old for him to just stand and feel it run over him. He loved this century with all its modern advances. He appreciated having hot water at the turn of a knob or lifting of a lever. So much easier than cutting wood, making a fire, carrying water in to the fire and waiting for it to heat. Children of the day knew nothing of hardship nor appreciated their good fortune. He supposed if he had been born with these luxuries he would take them for granted also.
When he finally shut the water off every surface in the room was covered with condensation. He ran the water so hot a thick steam filled the large bathroom. The glass separating the shower from the rest of the room was fogged along with the large mirror over the sink. It would take forever for the steam to dissipate from the room not to mention getting the mirror to stay clear. But it wasn’t like he was going to use that mirror any time soon. He hadn’t been able to see himself now in over 550 years. It was no great loss to him. He remembered what he looked like. Well, ok, maybe he didn’t really remember so much as was told regularly what he looked like. His hair was long enough that he usually wore it back in a ponytail at the base of his head. He could see it. Raven black. Nothing wrong with black hair. Unless you were a female, an actor, or lived in California. Then you wanted blonde hair of course. He found that boring really. Oh, he had been charmed by it at first but when it became what everyone wanted it got old very fast.
His eyes were blue with thick black lashes. When he was alive he didn’t really pay much attention to eye color. They were blue, brown, green, whatever. But women seemed to get weird over his eyes. They would stare at him period but his eyes always brought them back for a second and third glance. He wondered if their appeal came from being vampire. After all when he changed they mesmerized his victims. A man that frequented his restaurant told him once that he had bedroom blues. He later found out that the man was flirting with him. So many things changed with the passing years but many stayed the same. In the past it was just kept behind closed doors. Americans were so bold. He didn’t mind the complement, but he didn’t encourage it.
He was dark complected and so looked as if he had a perpetual suntan. Which helped him blend in with the crowd. He rubbed a thick towel over his arms and down his chest soaking up the beaded water. Thankfully he wasn’t covered with an abundance of body hair. He was muscular from doing much of the physical labor in his club. He unloaded the trucks when they came several times weekly and put everything away. It was the neat freak thing again. No one took offense, they just knew it was one of his weird quirks. Aside from manual labor he was unnaturally strong because of what he was.
At 6' 10" he towered over most. He felt a giant in a world of tiny people. He contemplated basketball at one point in time. But he wasn’t a very good team player. So it didn’t work out. Besides that he was too aggressive when it came to competition. He liked to win. Always.
He finished towel drying his hair then hung the towel on the rack and walked naked out into his bedroom. As soon as he stepped into the room he could smell her scent on his discarded clothing. A growl rumbled in his throat. He had blocked this afternoon from his mind for those few short moments in the shower. Now the pique came back in full force. He wanted his belongings back pronto.
He didn’t care about the $2500 in the money clip tucked in the small inside pocket. Nor did he care about the PDA or the laptop. He could give two shits about them. No, he wanted the pocket watch and the notebook. He would tear that boy limb from limb if he didn’t get them back.
Why didn’t he follow him instead of playing cat and mouse with his sister? He could have trailed the kid on the scent of his adrenaline high alone for blocks. No, he had to stay and torment the little chit. If the boy had any sense of loyalty at all for his sister, he wouldn’t have left her there alone to get caught for something he did.
Perhaps, Galen thought, I should teach him that lesson as well. He would have stayed to protect his sister no matter what the gain or loss.
He dressed himself in a black suit, charcoal grey dress shirt, red silk tie. Brushed his hair back into his customary ponytail and secured it with a leather thong. Picked up the only piece of white clothing he owned, a chefs coat, and took the old open freight elevator up to the office of his restaurant.
It was a Monday evening, so the place wouldn’t be all that busy tonight. Which was why his chef even considered letting him into his own kitchen. Galen would do some inventory and other paperwork before he would go greet and seat some of the patrons. He had regulars throughout the week that he would occasionally step out to chat with. He never thought himself much of a people person before. That had probably been for the best in the early years. He wasn’t very good company back then. Considering he ended up drinking most of the unlucky buggers who stayed too long in his company.
The evening passed quickly for the most part. Until he had some heated words with Grigori about a fiasco from earlier in the day. Galen tried his hand at souffle and it didn’t turn out as planned. Grigori yelled that he needed to get some finesse with his hands. Souffle was delicate and Galen was a barbarian. Of course Galen told him he had more finesse in his pinky than Grigori possessed in his entire body and that he could give him names of women who would attest to the fact. Grigori told him to take his uncivilized behavior from his kitchen.
Galen took off the paper hat he had been wearing crushing it in his large hand and threw it in the trash on his way out of the kitchen. He was scowling darkly, and cursing the fat little dictator that called himself a chef. He should just bite him and get it over with. It would stop his suffering. The little man slapped him with a wooden spoon every time he got a chance. Galen knew when he hired him that the nice biddable facade he put on was just that, an act. But he had hired him anyway and had been called a barbarian pretty much daily from day one. If the little man only but knew how close to the truth he was with that label.
A sane person might say just fire his bossy a**. But Galen was under no delusions about his own sanity. The little Nazi would stay because he was very good at what he did. Besides Galen was getting much better in the kitchen since Grigori took pity on him and began instructing him. He just couldn’t help that he was stronger than humanly normal and when he whipped things he ended up beating them to death. He vowed he would use a lighter hand as he dropped heavily into his office chair.
He fumed silently for a few moments then calmed down by repeating a mantra several times. He studied Buddhism for many years now and found the path to enlightenment not only soothing but also, something he could believe in. He had died a Catholic and had been reborn a Buddhist. He wasn’t afraid of the crucifix nor did it burn him if he touched it. It just held no meaning for him any longer. In the churches eyes he was a demon and damned. He knew he was damned. There were so many unspeakable acts he had committed since his turning he could never atone for them. So many deaths at his hands in the beginning.
He shuddered at the carnage he saw in his minds eye before shutting the memories out and getting down to clearing the paperwork from his desk. In addition to the very successful club he ran he also had a stockbroker that was very good at investing for him. He was extremely wealthy at this point. Money didn’t really mean much to him, but he did like that he could buy what ever item struck his fancy.