The European Commission
has just announced that
English will be the official
language of the European
Union. German, which
was the other possibility,
narrowly missed out.

During negotiations,
the British Government
conceded that English
spelling had some room
for improvement and accepted
a 5-year phase-in plan
that would become known
as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s"
will replace the soft
"c". Sertainly this will
make sivil servants jump
with joy. The hard "c"
will be dropped in favor of "k".
This should klear
up konfusion, and keyboards
kan have one less letter.

There will be growing
publik enthusiasm in
the sekond year when the
troublesome "ph" will
be replaced with "f".
This will make words like
fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik
akseptanse of the new
spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where
more komplikated changes
are possible. Governments
will enkourage the removal
of double letters which
have always ben a
deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the
horibl mes of the
silent "e" in the languag
is disgrasful and it
should go away.

By the 4th yer pepl
wil be reseptiv to steps
such as replasing "th" with
"z"
and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze
unesesary "o" kan be
dropd from vords kontaining
"ou"
and after zis fifz yer,
ve vil hav a reil sensibl
riten styl. Zer vil be no
mor trubl or difikultis and
evrivun vil find it ezi
tu understand ech oza.
Ze drem of a united
urop vil finali kum tru.

Und after zis fifz yer,
ve vil al be speking
German; lik zey vunted in ze
forst plas.

If zis mad you smil,
pleas pas on to oza pepl