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 Posted: Tue Oct 07, 2008 5:09 pm
In the midst of awakening a hero was born and all lay forgotten of the crystal's power yet we move on.
Eight years have passed since then and no sight of the hero. Yet no one knows what happened , we stand their waiting for a year to go by and the crystal's powers grew weaker.
The time for sin comes closer and we rely on the hero and not for ourselves. All except for a few mere mortals. Who can save the world from sin? Is it not I, the the light who
holds darkness away, is it not I who lets the sun sleep? For I am not human yet I feel sad I wasn't created or born I just came to igsist on my own free will my name is Geon
Cruecin Ki, but my sister calls me Ge Ki.We are both the same me and her we act as the crystals spirit. My sister Geon Elda Ki and I have been here for as long as we can remember
it was said we fell from the heavens. All of that I know and learned is that we shouldn't igsist. Why is it that man must live on and think of us like this? We didn't choose to live
or feel emotions, we didn't want to be here yet you put us here. What is sin you ask, well sin is the human fear for doing wrong,were we wrong to igsist? Are we not all sin?
I cannot remember my past or my future for I am only in the present and for this time being I am you yet you love this man? What is wrong with loving a human? Is it that they cannot
understand what I am? Their must be a reason that we are here.No we do not have a reason and neither do they, we just igsist like always. Even though sin will kill them! No, only the
ones that believe in sin will be the ones suffering from it.So we must stop sin then no one will have to die? " if nobody dies, nobody cries, nobody lives, and nobody tries." This
will be war for mankind and we are their tools.Master said we to will become heroes.
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Posted: Wed Oct 08, 2008 2:50 pm
"we stand their waiting" Their should be there.
"Is it not I, the the light who" A double 'the'
"I just came to igsist" Igsist should be exist
"Is it not I, the light who holds darkness away, is it not I who lets the sun sleep?" You need a question mark or an and after away instead of a comma.
"My sister Geon Elda Ki and I have been here for as long as we can remember it was said we fell from the heavens." These should be two sentences. Such as My sister Geon Elda Ki and I have been here for as long as we can remember. It was said we fell from the heavens.
"learned is that we shouldn't igsist." The exist thing again.
"What is sin you ask, well sin is the human fear for doing wrong,were we wrong to igsist? Are we not all sin?" It seems to run on. Maybe instead do . . .What is sin you ask. Well, sin is the human fear for doing wrong. Were we wrong to exist? Are we not all sin?
"I cannot remember my past or my future for I am only in the present and for this time being I am you yet you love this man?" Run on again. Instead . . . I cannot remember my past or my future for I am only in the present and for this time being I am you. Yet you love this man?
"Their must be a reason that we are here.No we do not have a reason and neither do they, we just igsist like always." Their should be there. Have a space before No. Igsist should be exist.
"ones suffering from it.So we must" A space before So.
"if nobody dies, nobody cries, nobody lives, and nobody tries." Capitalize If.
"their tools.Master said" Space before Master.
"we to will become heroes." To should be too.
I like how you talk about what sin is. I like the lines Is it not I, the light who holds darkness away, is it not I who lets the sun sleep? Good writing.
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Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 1:37 pm
thnx I noticed the exist spelled wrong as well as the others I just didn't have the time to fix it but I still have more to come
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Posted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 3:45 pm
You have a pretty good start. It well probably be good reading. 3nodding
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