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Snow (PG)

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Alice Letalis

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 04, 2008 4:54 pm


The snow is falling all around,
And you are still so far away.
The sprinkles of clouds
Drift down to surround me.

My hope is waning,
Following the moon’s path,
and the snow is still falling
down, down, down to the ground.

I sit here by your tree,
Covered in a blanket of cold snow.
The tears fall in rhythm,
Melting the snow on my lashes.

I told you that I’d wait forever,
And so I wait here still,
The numbness spreading through my body
And the snow still falling down.

And the snow is how I feel,
Cold and numb to all around me.
All I feel is you and all I want is you,
but all I have with me is the snow.
PostPosted: Thu Nov 13, 2008 2:16 pm


It's cool that you move between the physical and the emotional. I would have liked more hints on the particulars of the speaker or more detail of the world around her, maybe when you use the image of her body and her mind both being numb, you could switch between them more than once like saying that the snow is how you feel, cold and numb, you try to move your fingers, but don't even care if they do. Idk, that's really prescriptive, but it's just an idea.

Damion Nash


sparks the britty

Romantic Genius

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PostPosted: Thu Nov 13, 2008 2:23 pm


i like the last two stanzas the most
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Emo(tional) Poetry

 
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