|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 1:12 pm
 THIS EVENT IS OVER! THANK YOU FOR YOUR JOKES.Well, it's been a few days since the rest of Wildflower Breeze and Willows-Breath's litter was found. The last of the sacs Willow had laid seemed to be lost. This was of no import - nature took its course, and sometimes children did not survive. However, one night, a boisterous group of Kimeti were wandering a little-traveled part of the swamp, telling jokes to each other as a competition. As one Kimeti finished his joke, they all heard a strange rustling in the nearby thicket... Well, to make a long story short, this thread was a animal-themed joke-telling competition to win the sac depicted above, the last of the WB litter. While probably not as rainbow-y as her siblings, this girl is definitely guaranteed to be violently bright. We look forward to Angie's participation in the swamp!
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 6:21 pm
A lonely frog, desparate for any form of company telephoned the Psychic Hotline to find out what his future has in store.
His Personal Psychic Advisor advises him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog is thrilled and says, "This is great! Where will I meet her, at work, at a party?"
"No" says the psychic, "in a Biology class."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 6:52 pm
D: That is both funny and sad.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 7:20 pm
A lady in New York had a beautiful black cat, who spent his days outside and came indoors at night.
One cool October evening, he disappeared. The lady searched for him in vain for several days. The following spring, however, the cat reappeared, looking healthy and clean. She figured he's been out sowing his wild oats.
Everything was back to normal until that autumn, when the cat disappeared again. The next spring, he returned. Perplexed, the lady began asking neighbors for clues.
Finally, she rang the bell of an older couple who lived down the street. "A black cat?" the woman said. "Oh, yes! My husband and I hated to see him out in the cold, so we bought a cat carrier. We take him to Florida with us every winter."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 7:30 pm
♪♫♪ I have one my dad told me all the time when I was a kid. xD
--- An upperclass family of moles wake up one morning, and they smell that their maid-mole has been cooking breakfast. The father mole leads the three down their hole to the dining-burrow.
"Hm! I smell honey!" he yells.
"Oh, nonono!" the mother mole says, behind the father, "I think that's maple syrup, dear!"
The baby mole is last in line, and he looks very sad. "Well, I dunno what you two smell, but all I can smell from here is molasses."♪♫♪ ---
...say it aloud. xD
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 7:36 pm
Two guys were hiking through the jungle when they spotted a tiger who looked both hungry and fast. One of the guys reached into his pack and pulled out a pair of Nikes. His friend looked at him.
”Do you really think those shoes are going to make you run faster than that tiger?”
”I don’t have to run faster than that tiger,” his friend replied. ”I just have to run faster than you.”
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 7:45 pm
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a cow?
An animal that can milk itself!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 8:42 pm
Heh ha, doing good! Keep 'em coming; I want to see a lot of funny jokes over here!
I'll be back tomorrow morning, I need to sleep now.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 9:58 pm
Three hikers were walking through a forest region and came upon some strange tracks.
The first one said, "These must be Elk tracks!"
The second one said, "No, I think they're from a bear."
The third one didn't get to say anything because he was hit by a train.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 2:28 am
Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn't accommodate her with an "after-hours" appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. By the way, I have a large rotweiler inside named Killer; he won't bother you. I also have a parrot, and whatever you do, do not talk to the bird!"
Well, sure enough the dog, Killer, totally ignored the repairman, but the whole time he was there, the parrot cursed, yelled, screamed, and about drove him nuts.
As he was ready to leave, he couldn't resist saying, "You stupid bird, why don't you shut up!"
To which the bird replied, "Killer, get him!!!"
And you know what happened next! :3
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 6:44 am
((Soooo, we allowed to tell more than one? I'll edit this post with the others if we are.))
A lady went into a pet shop and started looking around. One worker walked up to her and said, "Ma'am? Do you know what you're looking for?"
She sighed, "My husband is a bird breeder, and I want to surprise him with a very rare bird."
"We have the perfect one! It's called a Crunch Bird." He ran to the back of the store and came out with a large bird that looked like a cross between a vulture and a pterradactul. "Watch this," he said, "Crunch Bird, my pencil!" The bird snatched the pencil out of his pocket and eat it up. "He'll do that with anything. Bruce got him to eat his keyboard once."
The lady was thrilled, she was sure her husband had never heard of a Crunch Bird! "I'll take it!"
When she got home, she showed the bird to her husband. "It's called a Crunch Bird," she told him.
He laughed, "Crunch Bird? Crunch Bird my a**!"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 7:38 am
A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. He walks up to the bar and takes a seat, the giraffe does the same. The man orders a beer for himself and a double scotch for the giraffe. They both proceed to drink and after a while they order the same again. They continue all night, ordering the same drinks, drinking them and ordering another load until suddenly the giraffe falls off his stool and lies unconscious on the floor. The man gets up of his stool and heads for the door, The barman shouts at him as he heads out the door-- "You can't leave that lyin' 'ere!" to which the man replies, "It's not a lion, its a giraffe!"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 7:50 am
A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can't drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off.
The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo."
The man replies "I did. Today I'm taking them to the movies."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 8:51 am
I think three jokes apiece is a good limit. You'll be allowed to swap out jokes by the end of the week, so you have three great jokes instead of whatever you happened to come up with first.
Also I would be very happy if there were original jokes told, as well. Just make note of it somewhere on the post.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 11:52 am
First Entry. Kinda long, but funny. xD
There's this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks. One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep. The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health. Feeling better, the man asks the missionary for directions to the nearest town. On his way out the backdoor, he sees this horse. He goes back into the house and asks the missionary, "Could I borrow your horse and give it back when I reach the town?" The missionary says, "Sure but there is a special thing about this horse. You have to say 'Thank God' to make it go and 'Amen' to make it stop."
Not paying much attention, the man says, "Sure, ok." So he gets On the horse and says, "Thank God" and the horse starts walking. Then he say, "Thank God, thank God, " and the horse starts trotting. Feeling really brave, the man say, "Thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God" and the horse just takes off.
Pretty soon he sees this cliff coming up and he's doing everything he can to make the horse stop. "Whoa, stop, hold on!!!!" Finally he remembers, "Amen!!"
The horse stops 4 inches from the cliff. The man leans back in the saddle and says, "Thank God".
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
