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[poem] Factory From Hell Goto Page: 1 2 [>] [»|]

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PostPosted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 1:32 pm


High pitched screams, an empty silence,
Waiting out this toxic violence;
Too many bodies cramped together,
Forced to stay, or hung on a tether.

Metal grumbles at every move,
A new body is crammed in every grove;
The wheels turn, there breaking down,
Water boils, the surviving drown.

A cry breaks out, the addicting sound,
Doesn’t take long to pass around.
This factory from Hell will not stop,
Till every sane mind has gone pop.

An alarming bell stops the struggle,
The condemned break loose, in fear they huddle;
Darkness follows and guards surround,
A friend to hold is not allowed.

People are herded like cows to slaughter,
In this place, there is no room for laughter;
A new session of torture begins,
In this world, good never wins.

High pitched screams, a toxic silence,
Looking for reason in meaningless violence.
We try to survive this factory from Hell,
While pretending life’s just swell.

©2007-2008 ~theemogirlnextdoor
by me.
PostPosted: Sun Sep 14, 2008 4:24 pm


We Must Be The Change…

That's amazing! I absolutely love it! The prospect is so creative, and the words just put me in the situation!!! Have you tried getting it published?


…We Wish To See

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 14, 2008 7:07 pm


Thank you so much! x]
I've thought about publishing it, but I'd like to get a book of my poetry published, so it will be a while before I try to get anything published.
PostPosted: Sat Oct 04, 2008 1:03 pm


"there" should be "they're"

The idea is okay, but the language is quite simplistic. The rhymes don't sound forced, but they could be better executed.

Eleiza0250

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PostPosted: Sat Oct 04, 2008 2:13 pm


Oh thanks, I didn't even notice that typo eek

Yeah, I meant it to be simple sounding, and I don't really want to mess with it at this point.



I'm not even going to hint at what it's actually about >.<
PostPosted: Fri Dec 05, 2008 2:29 pm


Like a child yet learned to write?

Eleiza0250

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 05, 2008 2:33 pm


just wondering, but...is it about school?
PostPosted: Wed Dec 10, 2008 8:00 pm


Like a child, yes, it is meant to sound that way.

I would prefer not to say what it is about, as art is so subjective, I'd rather the reader find their own meaning in what I write.
but yes, it is about school. I was in math class, and very pissed off for lack of better words.

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 20, 2008 9:49 am


I like the poem a lot more when I realized what it was about. what happened in math to make you write something like this?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 15, 2009 8:01 pm


I absolutely love the imagery and the symbolism! I am sorry I can not help more. I do not know if I have ever tried to write poetry before, but I assume that I am no good at it. I have composed a couple short poems in my mind and they are absolutely horrible. I child could laugh at them =D So I will simply read and enjoy the talent of others.

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PostPosted: Tue May 12, 2009 5:48 pm


That is deep. I'mwondering whether I shouldput my own poetry here, but I'm just afraid its a litttle too dark and graphic imagery wise.
PostPosted: Tue May 12, 2009 6:18 pm


The second stanza is my favorite.

You should put more poetry up.

My Dog Mavis


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PostPosted: Tue May 19, 2009 7:18 pm


[boo's guild]

Thank you so much everyone!
I'm truly flattered.
And no matter how 'good' you think your poetry is, there will always be someone who will enjoy it. There is always room for improvement as well.

Eleiza:
oh really? thanks.
I just hate school, but that is a debater that I don't have the time to get into right now ;P

Only:
Thank you so much!
I'd love to read some of yours anyways, even if you think they're 'fail', I'd definitly appriceate them.

Acropilis:
Thanks >.<
Don't worry about dark or graphic imagery, this is light and cheery for me.
I'm sure many people would enjoy to read yours.

Mavis:
Why thank you!
I think I shall, when I get around to it.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 27, 2009 11:01 pm


hehe, I understand. I know so many people who hate school....you couldn't believe it.

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PostPosted: Mon Jun 29, 2009 3:32 am


wow that was VERY angry, but in a good way.

I like all the emotion you put into, I could like feel the emotion coming through.
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Freedom of Expression

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