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 Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 5:16 pm
I know odd title, but from time to time I like to type something from off the top of my head and see where it goes.
So love it, rip it to shreds, disect it and whatever else you would like to do.
Her goes the first of many more random poems to come.
Untitled
There are things we wish we'd never have said
The things left undone and unsaid
We all lead what seems to be an ordinary life
But could it all be lead as by a puppeteers strings?
Some life for themselves and there own dreams,
But others live there lives by futhering another's dream.
Some have a burning passion to achieve the best
Well others are content on suckeling from those who do
Some will strive to reach for the stars
Others will happily shoot them down
Some know this and work always in the face of adversity
Others will naysay and lable it wishful thinking
Some change, some never do.
It's up to us when and if we do.
many things may come and go
But human nature will always stay the same
It's not always what we do but what we start
That makes the most difference in the world
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Posted: Fri Aug 08, 2008 9:53 pm
I can see you went free verse with this, so I won't say anything about rhyming patterns and whatnot. I love the message, and the.. I guess story? I have no idea if story is the right word, but we'll go with that. The only thing I noticed was in the first two lines
There are things we wish we'd never have said
The things left undone and unsaid
As I start reading the poem and I feel the flow, I find that the second line needs an extra word or something to help flow better with the first line, it makes me feel almost as if the poem is being.. cut off? if that makes any sense. But that's just my opinion lol.
The only other thing I saw were a few spelling mistakes:
Some live for themselves and their own dreams,
But others live their lives by futhering another's dream.
While others are content on suckeling from those who do
I'm sorry if it seems snippy of me for spelling mistakes but I'm a spelling nazi lol smile Don't take it personally xP.
I'd have to say my favorite part of the poem was the last verse, I don't know, there's something about it that just really hits me.
Great job smile
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x-completely-incomplete-x Vice Captain
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