PunkRockVampyre
connected as one
THUMP...THHUMP...THUMP
our heart beats collide
without you here
i will die
slowly withering
like a wintered rose
or as a stream stills
when in winter its been froze
you are the electricity
flowing through my veins
you relax me
when im going through pain
and forever ill love you
and youll do the same
I think it's really good
smile . One thing that really stuck out to me though is the "When in winter its been froze." It seems like you're trying to make every other line rhyme, but in other places your not. I think maybe you should try to decide what sort of rhyming pattern you want (ABAB; AABB; ABBA etc) or if you're just going to do free verse. Other than that I thought it was great
smile
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