Welcome to Gaia! ::

This is the place to show off your skills as a writer/poet! Critiquing by your literate peers, what more could you ask for? ^_^

Very nice, Ash! I like it, and, honestly, I don't see much wrong with it at all! ^_^ If I pointed out the one thing I see, I'd be nitpicking, and I don't know if you'd want me to do that or not. Overall, as I said, very good. ^^

Here's a poem that randomly came to me about 1/2 an hour ago. It's a ten minute poem, so it's bound to be a little rough. ^^;; Critiques would be appreciated. ^_^

"2nd Tries"

They're crying, They're dying,
Tears glisten, sun shining.
Fixed frustrations
and limitations
being placed on friendships,
Words of hate pour from lips
of those who call themselves friends,
Thirsting for blood, needing revenge
for the one that did this to them,
Blaming the one from Bethlehem,
Cursing his name in the streets,
Within their hearts, shadows creep,
silently sneak into their minds,
Cloud judgement, releasing binds
that restrain the hate; it grows to new bounds,
Their hatred now is for the whole town.
Then one who lives to take all their pain,
And put it all on his shoulders again,
Lifts up his eyes, hears Heaven's cries,
With death, he gives all of them 2nd tries.

Very wicked Kuro!

I never really understood haikus, JTN...I'll be honest with you...'Tis good...but like I said...I just don't understand haikus sweatdrop

This is a oem I did in 8th grade, I'm in 12th now, so that shows how old it is. It was just a little fun. The poem is based off a headline stating, 'A last wish'. Mind you, it is not to good, and it was just for fun.

The guy that this headline is about,
Was caught in this summers big drought,
He is lying in a hospital bed,
He is on the verge of being dead,
And he wants one last wish.

This wish is strange and odd,
He wants a milkshake of cod,
Or a fish to put on the grave,
That says: "Will miss you Dave."
Can't someone grant his wish?


Like I said, It's not good at all, but it's a little fun! I'll post some of my prose later.

Thanks, Reesu. Got another poem here. I was feelin' down when I wrote it, so it sounds kinda angsty. ><

Don't want to miss one smile,
Don't want to miss one kiss,
She's seen me through all these trials,
Just don't let it end like this...

Finding her hand in mine,
Her soul is slowly fading,
She will become divine,
But was the price worth paying?

Love, please don't close your eyes,
Love, please don't fall asleep,
She lays there and slowly dies,
I sit there and softly weep.

Nothing left for me to do,
The light finally gone again,
My love for her was so true,
Don't know if she'll find her friends.

I pray to the Lord above,
To guide her soul safely now,
I pray it with all my love,
Willing her soul up somehow.

Weeks spent trying to go along,
Living my life, as it were,
I stumble and just can't go on,
Clamping down on death's lure.

For a creative writing class, I did a peice on The two princes in the tower of london. It's a short story, but I'd like to make it longer. I'll post it if anyone cares to read.

Sure... But I need somewhere to upload it then. sweatdrop

*stands strait and salutes* *military face* Yes Maam!