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a poem

DragoLung

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Posted: Thu Jul 17, 2008 2:49 pm

Within my darkness
i see a light
I grab my Sins
and hold them tight

To know oneself
and wiegh all your deeds
be them kind
or made by greed

cherish the good
and keep the wrong
tight inside
where they belong

judge yourself
before you judge another
as to know yourself
is to know your brother

Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 1:16 pm

*Grammar nazi buzzer* "wiegh"=weigh. *sigh of relief*

Ooh, nice ^^ It's always refreshing to hear rhymes that aren't cliché or corny whee These flow beautifully.

I like how you portray the subject as well; this is something that I've had to face more than once in my life so I can relate stressed

Good use of words, the rhythm worked smoothly for me.

Way to go! ^^

o0 Mystic Mama 0o

Rainbow Nerd

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Scourged Angel

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Posted: Sun Jul 20, 2008 7:27 pm

Good rhyming and good flow. I like it.

Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 12:05 am

thanks for the compliments
this is the first piece i've written in some time, i might put more up if i find my old poems or write more.

DragoLung

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Sydd Rose
Crew

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Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 3:17 am

DragoLung

Within my darkness
i see a light
I grab my Sins
and hold them tight

To know oneself
and weigh all your deeds
be them kind
or made by greed

cherish the good
and keep the wrong
tight inside
where they belong

judge yourself
before you judge another
as to know yourself
is to know yourmight I suggest "the other" instead of your brother? if not thats fine. brother

If this flows better for you change it. If not, don't. I just feel that a few words here and there removed makes it flow a bit better without losing any meaning.

It is a very good simple poem. I like it a lot. My suggestions are just to make it flow better to my point of view. As I said above, change it at your digression.