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 Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2008 7:40 am
Well, here's a poem that I wrote recently, the 50th one so far. I've got a seven page long poem written down, but that isn't finished yet. It would have been poem 20 or so if had written it quicker, and this would have been less of a milestone.
POEM 50 - The Circle of Life
I look back on my life,
And I notice something strange,
I don’t learn from my mistakes,
My mistakes seem to be the same,
I tell myself I won’t fall in love,
Because it hurts me every time,
But I find myself doing it over and over again,
Repeating each lyrical rhyme,
I need some help, I really do,
But I can’t find my way back through,
To the time when I felt,
What happiness was all about,
Emotions run through my veins,
Like rain over a cracked windscreen,
And I find myself every night,
Waking up in the night to scream,
People have moved on from me,
I’m an unimportant part of society,
But I remain in guilt of the past,
Drinking myself to death and attempting to stay free,
Over the years I’ve noticed,
How to interpret someone’s feelings from the way they act,
But I can’t show mine in an appropriate way,
A devil’s curse, a hidden pact,
After Shock, vodka, wine,
All these things seem to keep me sane,
My head feels light, but heavy at the same time,
Until hours later I begin to feel faint,
Someone help me,
Break down the walls that block my mind,
Or leave me wasted in my bedroom,
Staring at the ceiling with my eyes in bind,
As continues the cycle of life,
A process only ended by the speed of a knife.
Constructive criticism only, please. Most of my poems that I show to the public are in my Gaian Journal, if you ever want to see the ones I don't post.
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Posted: Sun Jul 13, 2008 7:47 am
A thoroughly enjoyable poem. I especially loved the simile about the cracked windscreen in verse four. As compared to the rest of the poem, that was very vivid imagery, and it really made me sit up straight and blink a few times. The part about drinking also made your character come alive, and I could relate a bit more to them than I would have been able to do if you had just left it a monologue about societies.
I would be very interested in reading that seven-page poem, when it's finished!
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Posted: Mon Jul 14, 2008 9:29 am
Thanks for commenting! I don't understand why I don't use more similies, to be honest - they liven up my poetry to no end.
I'll contact you once I've got the final version of the big poem written. Again, thanks!
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Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2008 10:00 pm
Very well done I must say. For some reason it kinda made me think of a more serious version of Dr. Seuss (though his political works are more serious than ever XD) but anyway yes. I would greatly enjoy reading this seven page poem you are working on if it is anything as good as this was.
Kharne Bloodhowler, Vice-Captain and Resident God
P.S. HELLO!
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Kharne Bloodhowler Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Jul 16, 2008 6:16 am
Aha, good ol' Dr Seuss...
HELLO! biggrin
Yup, I just need to rewrite a few things, then it'll be finished and up for viewing!
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Posted: Wed Jul 16, 2008 12:47 pm
Yeah sorry, just what it made me think for a bit....the flow and rhyme just kinda brought up the thought. Besides, who doesn't like Seuss?
Eh, writing is an art form, like any other art, touch-ups and such are a necessary evil. Can't tell you how much I look at a word and go "well, that just doesn't seem quite right." and re-word it. Good at least someone around here is doing something while I'm out. I'm having a touch of writer's block though I believe I have new inspiration by the way of Agalloch and Opeth....
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Kharne Bloodhowler Vice Captain
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