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 Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 1:55 pm
I'm new to the guild and will be making this my thread to my poems. I hope you enjoy ^^
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Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 1:57 pm
A Vampire's Kiss
A kiss of poison on frozen lips
Fills me with my most sinful wish
A need so powerful I lose control
As I condemn to hell my heart and soul
Full of a love so strong like a burning fire
It enhances the need of the demon's desire
The mouth of my monster sends heat through my veins
As the eyes of my lover drives my completely insane
I know his thoughts as though spoken in words
"I can't, I can't, what am I doing to her?"
I smile at his guilt and hold him tight in my arms
For I am the girl who fell for a vamipe's charm
There's a connection between us, one like no other
A burning sensation that shall never be smothered
I'd rather spend eternity as a blood-sucking girl
Then live a day without him in my world
His feelings are mutual yet I am still breathing
The devil's worse nightmare is to stop my heart from beating
For now however I'm happy to remain
A human with emotions I can hardly contain
But soon my blood-flow will stop, that I am certain
And death will embrace me with it's velvet black curtain
I expose my neck and lips grace my skin
There is nothing to describe the state that I'm in
I feel teeth scrape my flesh, slow and shy
As memories flash of my mortal human life
I think fare well and whisper hello
As fangs break through and a red river flows
I hear him say "Welcome to eternity, my love,
"Don't worry there's nothing to be scared of"
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Kharne Bloodhowler Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Jul 22, 2008 5:15 pm
Fantastic imagery, wonderful choice of words, and the use of one of my favorite little beings.
What is so interesting is the vampire is naturally a symbol of a sort of carnal pleasure....an erotic urge that really shouldn't be fulfilled. Well, at least the modern day thought of vampires at least. Back when they were first thought of, vampires were things of fright and displeasure...the stuff of nightmares.
Overall, very well done and I would be pleased to see more of your work when you obtain the chance to post again.
Kharne Bloodhowler: Vice-Captain, Resident God, and Guild Assassin Pro Temp.
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Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 6:04 pm
Can I steal your comment and use it as my own, Kharne? hehe You said what I wanted to. No fair.
Of course, I find it funny that you address your posts like that. -rolls eyes-
Isis375: Captain. See how silly? I'm just messing with you. :] Anyways...
On to the purpose!
Hi there, Mel. Welcome to the guild!
I have this love of vampires, and I've always wanted to be one. I like the taste of blood, although I don't know if I'd actually drink it. The idea of vampires intrigues me, and for some reason always brings my mind to romance. I don't think of the horror, just the love and the eternity. I'd love to live forever, mostly because I'm afraid of death, well, of losing people. So, in that case, if I were ever to become a vampire, I'd change my loved ones. Anyways, I'm going off into the wrong direction. The point is your poem.
It's really lovely. Like Kharne said, fantastic imagery and wonderful choice of words. I like the topic, as you probably figured out. I like the rhyme. Not sure if you'd call it slant or not. At this moment, I don't know what you'd call it, but I really like it used here. It's like, not perfect rhyming, but the sounds still pop out. It also has a nice flow, though you might add punctuation so the reader knows exactly how it's to be read. The way that I read it, just pausing after each line, seemed to work, but others might have difficulty. Overall, a very nice story portrayed very well. Makes me think of Twilight, or maybe Vampire Kisses, actually.
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