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 Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 8:50 am
Me
My soul is a
empty hole
My heart has
gone missing
My mind comes
up blank
My feet can
not move
My hands do
not work
My body is
just exsisting
As my life goes on
I AM ME
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Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 9:11 pm
As a whole, that wasn't bad at all. I like the image that I got from it and I particularly enjoyed the word choices that you made. With that said, what I would have done differently would have been to had some punctuation here and there. From the way it reads, to me at least, it runs on as if you have to do it in one breath. In addition, there would be no question as to where you would have to pause and such...currently it reads in a few different ways.
Whether you planned for that in the first place, I am uncertain, but otherwise yeah.
Overall, I liked it quite a bit, just could use punctuation to as far as I'm concerned.
Oh, and hello, I'm Kharne. I'm the Vice-Captain and Resident God here XP.
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Kharne Bloodhowler Vice Captain
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