After careful review of religions, i've decided that i'm going to create my own. Why? Because if a bunch of random idiots can start religions and gets millions of followers to support them, give them money, pledge loyalty to them...then I should be able to do the same. I've decided that i'm going to start a religion called "UnderwearGnomeanism."

UnderwearGnomeanism is to be a religion of love and social ties. If you follow UnderwearGnomeanism, and are a true believer, you will be rewarded greatly someday by the great god of UnderwearGnomeanism, the Underwear Gnome. All throughout your life, the prophet of UnderwearGnomeanism, aka Captain Morgan, will watch over you, and keep your troubles from taking surface. He'll drown your problems in his special holy water so you always feel full of the UnderwearGnome's love.

Here are the 10 Commandments of UnderwearGnomeanism:

1. There is no god but Billy the Underwear Gnome, and Captain Morgan is his prophet.
2. Thou shall not use the word "wicked" too often, for it is the language of the devil.
3. Thou shall not make nude sculptures of naked old men.
4. Saturday is to be the day of worship...worship of the beautiful bodies human females possess wink
5. Thou shall not be sober for long periods of time.
6. Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's underwear.
7. Thou shall not bear false witness against geeks, for they are the children of the light.
8. Make at least one trip to the Playboy Mansion in one's lifetime.
9. Drink 5 times a day, facing William Shatner's apartment.
10. Thou shall not commit abstinence.

Now you may be asking yourselves, "why should I join this religion? Other religions offer me stuff like protection against spirits, the love of god, etc...what do I get out of it?" Well, did I mention that the first 5 million guys to sign up to this great new religion receive an afterlifetime's supply of free virgins to have sex with!? Now, who's joining?



Join up with the only true religion, because all others are false. Remember, one day you will be brought before the great UnderwearGnome god, and he will test your faith in him.