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I want to be together. Like last Christmas. Ray. Oh, I miss being with him. I will always remember the time we spent together... Last year I noticed something was... different. He used to be so mean to me, like most boys are to girls. He'd hit me and just be mean when were younger and more immature. But then, we backed off, ignore each other, and we all (my friends, Ray, and I) matured.
I live right next door to a family with 2 girls, Allison (16) and Zoe (14) and a boy, Ray (14). Zoe and Ray are twins.

But yeah, so I went to their house a lot and Ray and I hated each other. But then there was last winter. I noticed something seemed different and I had to see what was up. So, naturally, I spent more time with him. I realize now that I probably loved him a lot longer ago than I ever thought because it didn't take much for me to want to be with him all the time.

I remember that Christmas I wished upon a star, "I wish someone would love me. Anyone. I just don't want to be lonely anymore." And I had someone in mind, someone from school (not Ray). But then Christmas break came and he said nothing, and I thought I was doomed. So Christmas morning, I acted happy, but I felt sad on the inside. It was a horrible feeling. My neighbor's cousins were up so I didn't get to see them much until one day they finally picked up the phone. And so I went over there, and I got to meet Kyle and Brett (they don't really matter in this story).

And so Christmas break was almost over and they left. So I got to finally spend a lot of time at their house again. That's when I noticed Ray acting so different. And that's when I started spending time with him. And soon I felt something, and I know he felt it too. We would just sit and watch TV together and he would start to kinda wrestle with me and then he'd pin me down and just stop. And I could hear him breathing and I know we were so nervous and we didn't know what to do. Then after a while he'd get up and things would go on. But I never said anything to him because I'm so very shy. And I believe it was the worst mistake I ever made, not telling him how I felt... even though I think we both knew.

Whenever Zoe and Allison would go to skating, their mom would take them, and their dad worked pretty late... and I never went to skating with them, and my house was so boring. So I just stayed there with him. But nothing ever happened aside from "wrestling". I'm sure he wanted to kiss me and I wanted him to too, but we were shy. And one day, we went and dropped A and Z at skating with their mom and me Ray and his dad (and his dog Karmel) went to look at snow statues that the nearby college students make every year. It was sooo cold outside, but I only remember Ray. I know I was cold, but I only remember being cold right before we got in the car. And so his dad took Karmel to pee before we got in the car and Ray and I walked ahead. And we were standing next to the locked car and he said, "Hug for warmth!" and I did. I don't know how long it was, and even though we knew his dad was watching, we still hugged.
But then we got in the car to get A and Z from skating. We picked them up and went back over by the statues. And so we stopped and Zoe was thristy, so her and her mom went to find a pop machine. And her dad wandered off somewhere. Then Allison left to find her sister and we were alone again. He was leaning over the seat and I can tell he tried to kiss me again, but he didn't. Many nights later, when everyone was gone, I remember... we were "wrestling" but when we stopped, he was laying with his cheek against mine. And he was so close, but nothing happened.
Then things went basically how they usually were with nothing to big happening.

But then spring break came, and everything fell to pieces.
He would argue with me (not nicely) and he would hurt me and he never did things like he used to. I don't know what happened, but everything I came to love about him was gone. Reverted back to his old ways. And so now, I'm sad and lonely.

Lately, things have been better between us, but not like before. I can't tell if he likes me or not. Of course, I tell myself that he does, but I'm really not sure.

You see, he is a guy... duh. And like many guys, he doesn't want to admit that he ever liked me. I think I'm kinda like a joke to his friends. Wyatt, the moocher kid. Brian, he has a story I can tell in another post. Andrew, just sucks and doesn't matter lol. Not like that, just not to this story. Sean, is kinda like Andrew only not as greasy. Ha ha. Coleman, like Sean. That's about all of his friends who actually come over more than once a month.

I think it's time to post this sucker. I'll post about Brian in a moment.

Huh, I'll just say, I'm terrible in relationships and dealing with them.

Guys can be subtle. Guys can be cunning. Guys can be freakishly intelligent about matters that you'd think deal with emotions, thus, don't deal with guys - they just don't want to admit that they know that you liked him for months, years.

Men can switch from one persona to the next. I have a massive crush on this one guy... when I was being mistreated by my 'boyfriend' when I met this person, he was very loving and affectionate in place of who I was dating, who literally treated me like dirt.

-People who are faint of heart, I'd advise you not to read the next part-
So during that time, he helped me realized that this man was definitely someone dangerous - long story short, the man I was dating was 6 years older than me and thought only about sex and my nekkid body. >=/ He would tell me that he had erections when he thought about me and admitted that he had a wet dream involving me, and that he would want to have sexual intercourse with me. So I got rid of him for good - during this time the guy who helped me with this knew I liked him when he started dishing out affection for me.
End of bad stuff. ^.^

He changed when we were with other people. He'd become a little perverted, like how most men are. But he seemed to ignore the fact that I was still in a delicate state and I was still paranoid about men - thinking that they might harm me in some way. He became ignorant.

So I knew from this point, he demonstrated affection when we were alone together... when we were in a group, his persona changed a little. When I cut myself, however... he took on a more authorative aura, although at the same time he demonstrated the same worry over me.

Guys are hard to read. ninja The best thing to do would be to voice your opinions, and then they will reply, hopefully.
I'm sorry if my post is a waste of text and your time. o.o;