I think this applys to this forum title. Idk I have problems and nothing ever fits right, lol. I'm not religious so if your post tells me to find god I won't do it.
Recap:
Me and A have been friends since we were in 2nd grade (we're seniors now) me and V have been friends since 5th grade. I've been dating S since around 2003 or so. V and K have been dating since may or june of last year. I've been talking to F since about august of last year. I became friends with K (Vs bf) about september or so and got closer as the time as past.
V is the type of person who can't talk about herself to save anything or anyone. She has so many problems but she won't talk about them. I could understand this somewhat but since me and A have been friends with her in fifth grade she's never let us know anything that was running throug her head. Everything is always "Idk" or "Nothing" not once in our entire friendship has she told me what was wrong with her. I love her and accept this but sometimes its just to much and here lately she's worse. She won't get help me and K and A have been trying to help her....nothing works...
In december i became attached to F though i was still in a relationship with S. With many consoling and insane talks with K i figured out that he was bad for me. I never exactly loved him the entire time and i was just going along with it so my family, his, and him would just leave me alone about it. I broke up with him on january 13th and started dating F the same day...F lives in Ohio, I live in AL, I've never even met him. I know thats stupid but for a period of time he just made me incredibly happy so i said ******** it.
Through all this so many thoughts were passing through my head i couldnt sort them all out, so K would do it for me. He pulled me out of so many depressive states, i owe him my life a couple times around. Around january 20th or so i had a major panic attack/suicide attempt. My mom found me and took me to get help, Im on meds now and still have so many moments and K's there through everyone. Around the beginning of march i found out that one of Ks friends had a bit of a thing for me, i thought i liked him to but apparently i just found him interesting. But when this interest started K really pushed us to go out. Despite previously helping me get rid of S and get F. It was weird how much he pushed me... It didn't work out and we just weren't interested in one another.
For the last couple months Ks been having a hard time dealing with Vs inability to talk to him about her problems. He loves to help people and when he cant he feels useless and it depresses him so much. Slowly it built up to where he was caring less and less. I tried talking to him about it, tried telling him it was just a rough spot in his relationship. Nothing more than a little bump, she's sadder than normal but she'll get better just give it time. He couldn't it built up to much and he stopped caring around the time she started sending him random bitchy and depressive texts asking why he was never there for her, though he was always there...always
Me and K have been hanging out for a little while now but recently in the past week and a half we've been getting more friendly. It all started with playful biting, but i guess when you both have a S&M biting kinda fetish and no one to bite you really shouldn't do that. Anyway, o wait another quick moment i forgot to tell that slightly affects things. A month maybe a month and a half ago i tried killing myself again but he figured me out and came over to my house at 3 in the morning and sat with me through a slightly panic attack a breakdown and a ended suicide attempt. He staid the night and i cuddled with him and since then ive felt even stronger about him than i did before.
Apparently he's had a thing for me for a while, i could kinda tell when he was picking at me more than V and his eyes always mine more than Vs. I didn't think anything of it I never saw this coming. Me and K went out last saturday and had more fun together than just 2 friends should have (no sex, don't do that s**t lol) K broke up V on sunday and ive been consoling her since then. 24 hours straight of consoling when you can't console people in the first place is ********. Add in thinking all you want at the moment is a hug from the person your friend is crying so much from losing.
Everything in my head has been building up for a couple weeks now and yesterday it just kinda broke.
V had left my house for a bit and went home. She spent the night at my house so i could console her and watch over her. I was about to break down all i wanted was a hug so i talked to K and he came over for a bit to help me. we sat in the middle of the kitchen floor and i did nothing but stare at the floor and rock in the fetal position, but he still sat with me and it helped. I heard noises outside, then the phone rang. V was outside so i went to help her. i told him to stay put and he did. She was breaking down in her car again so i sat on the edge of the car and held her....she kept screaming she couldn't do it anymore and she didnt want to live. I look and she had grabbed a handful of pills and was holding them tight. It took a bit but i got them from her and tossed them. i took her keys went in and told him to leave then went to bring her inside. We sat outside for a while longer and he came out and was there with us for a bit till he just left and i took her inside. She had another breakdown, asked what we were talking about why did he come here (she had and still does think that he loved me more than her and we were better friends to each other and we were/are to her). My answer was nothing but to talk about the situation. She kept breaking down and she was wandering through things that they had done then she reached one that shouldn't have bothered me but it did so much..
He ******** ******** her.......
They haven't been going out for a full year and they already did that more than once apparently by the way he was talking.
All i could think about was killing myself i just didnt want to be in it anymore i didn't care to. I held it all in and she left a bit later. I IMed him and everything went to hell. I broke.....
Pulled a knife and was sitting there scratching my wrist with it while i told him what a b*****d he was. He got incredibly worried and came over. At this point i was just gone. I was skipping through the house listening to Janis Joplin and slitting my wrist lol which is actually quite funny once you get past the insanity of it. Anyway he came to the door and i refused to let him in. I stood there and made him watch as i slit my wrist more and more....after a few minutes and what looked like what might be a tear coming i opened the door and he tackled me and took the knife. There was more tussles and a lot of screaming and random babbling I dont even remember it all. I remember he tried to get me to take a nerve pill but i was to screwy to take it, kept saying it would ******** with my lexapro or somthing. Don't remember...none the less he staid with me all night. kept me from hanging myself with ribbon..running into traffic....everything and anything i tried. At 2 my mom woke us up and told him he needed to go home so reluctantly on both our parts he left. I'm still bothered by what she told me. I really liked him and that really shouldnt matter but idk why it does...he screwed my best friend but they were together though it so why do i care?......it's nearly 7 AM and i need to get ready for school i already missed yesterday but idk if i should miss today or not...i guess i shouldnt....
I don't know what im asking for here..advice..enlightenment maybe idk..anything will possibly help.......
Rock me mama anyway you feel........
