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 Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 4:52 pm
You work your way through the dining room
The floor is littered in scraps
The air is fogged and smoky
the butts of cigarettes
A smog of haze,
Summer daze,
Winter ways,
I lay.
Unconscious.
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Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 8:26 am
I like most of it but the first two lines don't fit.
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Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 3:46 pm
They're not supposed to ^^
Since your not actually there, so why should it even make sense?
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Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 9:37 pm
That is a really nice poem. whee
The last line sounds odd, but that's the only thing I see wrong. smile
Fantastic! biggrin
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Posted: Sat May 31, 2008 7:17 am
I liked how it narrowed down like that to one word. Very poetic. heart
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Posted: Sun Jun 01, 2008 7:02 pm
Should be "I lie", unless you're laying something else down.
Not bad at all.
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