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-----Original Message-----
From: Tyler
Sent: Friday, April 11, 2008 8:23 PM
To: Adilaris
Subject: RE:

*** Medical Thesis Part 13 ***
Day 39, Our largest break through to date. By combining the new developments with the nitro-testicle chimp with that of the WAMs we have now created an undetectable weapon. Due to their cute nature our targets will not be afraid of them up until it is too late. The WAMs will either latch onto their targets face and or rectum humping ferociously until detonation, in which the target is destroyed.
Day 41, From the atom split baboon we have not made much headway, the subjects seem to be too unstable. We have been trying to make the reaction smaller so instead of using one we are using multiple creature to form one bomb. Though this is proving more difficult since the reaction is becoming much more destructive which each new trial.




_____________________________________________
From: Adilaris
Sent: Friday, April 11, 2008 8:09 PM
To: , Tyler
Subject: RE:

*** Medical Thesis Part 12 ***
Day 35, Elsewhere. The American and German were in charge of developing misc. Attributes for the remaining test subjects. The first was a baboon that was subjected to atom splitting. The only viable outcome was spontaneous combustion thus far. With the screaming flaming monkey lunging into the shatterproof glass so suddenly, Dr. Dickin reacted in the deposit of fecal matter into his trousers; this enticed the geneticist to laugh uncontrollably for the next 2 days.

Day 37, Another breakthrough. A chimp had developed the ability to produce nitroglycerin. This was at first thought to be a mutated 3rd testicle, but when the usually docile monkey suddenly lunged onto Dr. Naziman in a compromising position while screaming. During the process, the release of the monkey's fluids ignited the nitro, causing a lethal explosion. The Dr. managed to survive, albeit he refused to disclose any further information on the matter. Dr. Ashwhole was subject to uncontrollable laughter for the next 2 days.
-----Original Message-----
From: Tyler
Sent: Friday, April 11, 2008 7:46 PM
To: Adilaris
Subject: RE:

*** Medical Thesis Part 11 ***
Day 35, With our new team of specialist we have created a brand new specimen for tests. Taking DNA samples from some of our past failure/promising candidates we have created an brand new species. We have taken some of the best attributes from some mammals such as bats and flying squirrels and combined them with our smaller marsupials. We have nicked name it WAM (Webbed Appendage Marsupial). So far we have been able to create 100 viable WAM specimens. With the help of Ryu and Tiny we were able to improve their brain functions so that they could obey small commands.

Our first test was a huge success. We assigned our WAMs to a short suicide mission. We allowed several WAMs to attack a cargo jet. Many flew direct for the wind shield in a blind rage the others veered off coarse and became lodged in the planes engines. This is a promising outlook for small discreet bombing missions.



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From: Adilaris
Sent: Friday, April 11, 2008 7:12 PM
To: Tyler
Subject: RE:

*** Medical Thesis Part 10 ***

Although the loss of Orangaman was discouraging, we did not lose hope. We hired a specialist team of the greatest minds around the world. The german Genetesist: Von-naziman, the canadian nanotech expert: Tiny johnson, the japanese neurosergeon: Ryu Kyoto-Kawasaki Toyota-Honda-Civic, and the American bio-nuclear expert: Dickin ashwhole.

Perhaps they can recover from these frequent failures.
-----Original Message-----
From: Tyler
Sent: Friday, April 11, 2008 6:13 PM
To: Adilaris
Subject: RE:

*** Medical Thesis Part 9 ***
Day 30, Testing has been grim over the past few days. The Orangaman's first test was scheduled, upon releasing it from the bomb bay doors it actually manage to maneuver itself to grab the tail of the testing aircraft, ripping it to shreds. So far from our field testing staff only one has survived the crash. His mental state as been deemed unfit since all he can say is "Flying Monkeys." We feel our project has yet to be compromised.
All that was left of the Orangaman is chard remains, cloning seems to be out of the question since there seems to be no viable DNA to reproduce the procedure. Hopefully our surgically altered specimens will grant us more success.



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From: Adilaris
Sent: Friday, April 11, 2008 6:02 PM
To: Tyler
Subject: RE:

*** Medical Thesis Part 8 ***
Day 24,While the hybrid Orangaman testing was being prepared, other nuclear apes have developed other traits. One for example, has developed large fangs for all his teeth and has shed all of its fur. This beast has already eaten 3 examiners so far, but in the flight test, proved only to scare a small amish town into thinking it was 'raining demons'

Another test that enhanced the skin from the torso to the arms has progressed. the prototype Atmonkey (short for Atmosphere monkey) has shown that it can glide and adjust its course according to the angle of its arms. However, it's brain does not have the time to realize that hitting the Earth at terminal velocity isn't quite considered a clean landing. Perhaps if we transplant brain tissue from a flying mammel it may force learn how to fly. Surgery is scheduled soon.
-----Original Message-----
From: Tyler
Sent: Friday, April 11, 2008 5:36 PM
To: Adilaris
Subject: RE:

*** Medical Thesis Part 7 ***
Day 15, some luck today, we have found the remains of the deceased scientist. Though it was hard to distinguish his remains from those of the orangutan. Since the nuclear apes and the late scientist's DNA have somewhat fused together, we have decided to try cloning.
It's been tiering but we have finally created a successful clone. This seems to be our most promising advancement yet, the close has 2 sets of arms though the back ones have large flaps of skin similar to that or our orangutan. Test will commence soon.


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From: Adilaris
Sent: Friday, April 11, 2008 5:18 PM
To: Tyler
Subject: RE:

*** Medical Thesis Part 6 ***
A few more Black Marcket and Underground agencies have invested to our cause after the gliding-ape incident. We continued down that path to see what other forced mutations we can develope, perhaps we may also find other evolutions outside of flight as well. One of the scientist, unfortunatly, had a mental breakdown after finding out that his radioactive suit was defective. He was last seen dry-humping an orangatang on the plane yelling ' son-of-a-b***h, I did it!' and then was released into the open atmosphere along with the primape.

We aren't sure exactly what he was gloating about.
-----Original Message-----
From: Tyler
Sent: Friday, April 11, 2008 5:12 PM
To: Adilaris
Subject: RE:

*** Medical Thesis Part 5 ***
Day 11, the Soviet Union somewhat distressed by our lack of success has give us the idea to nuke our experiments in an attempt to increase the speed of evolutionary mutation to occur. So far are best hope is an orangutan. Since exposure to the radiation he has lost a lot of weight and in comparison has begun to develop a lot of excess skin around the lower stomach and back regions. In effect the excess skin seems to act somewhat as a parachute/glider effect, this seemed promising until the creature was devoured by a 747 jet engine. So far we have not been able to recreate the same experiment.


_____________________________________________
From: Adilaris
Sent: Friday, April 11, 2008 5:00 PM
To: Tyler
Subject: RE:

*** Medical Thesis Part 4 ***
Day 9, the underground Neo-Soviet Union has taken interest in our studies and granted us extra funding in exchange for our findings. After jettisoning a 'bush baby' monkey, it had the coincidental luck of latching onto a bypassing bird in mid-flight. Could this be a sign of advancement? Unfortunately, the bird and the monkey engaged in combat, ending with a plummet into the Hudson bay. Even we're not going to extract them from that cesspool. The search continues.
-----Original Message-----
From: Tyler
Sent: Friday, April 11, 2008 4:53 PM
To: Adilaris
Subject: RE:

*** Medical Thesis Part 3 ***
Day 7, so far test are still at a loss, we had a break through on Tuesday. One of our grad students had the idea of giving the chimps a small dose of speed, to see if the increased flapping of their arms would improve their chances of flight. So far we have had several scientist fatalities, from the apes increased paranoia when on the drug.


_____________________________________________
From: Adilaris
Sent: Friday, April 11, 2008 4:39 PM
To: , Tyler
Subject: RE:

*** Medical Thesis Part 2 ***
Day 3, so far we are unsuccessful. We have experienced a few setbacks, such as the monkeys hitting the propellers on the wings and even some of them going literally 'ape-s**t' on the scientists for being so high in the air.

Perhaps we should test this on gorillas...
-----Original Message-----
From: Tyler
Sent: Friday, April 11, 2008 4:31 PM
To: Adilaris
Subject:

*** Medical Thesis Part 1***
This experiment will conclude to if the write condition are met, a peak of evolutionary curve will occur. Are tests will consist of dropping monkeys from airplanes until they sprout wings. Shall we watch.

oO What in the world was that all about?

Is that what you do all day?

You get paid to talk about experiments to make monkeys fly?

I'm starting to hate you right now. mad

No. I mean it.

domokun

3nodding wink