Shinka shinai dare ni mo nagareru kono chi ga daikirai....
SOCIETY SUCKS.
I've finally come to realize that my borderline personality is turning into a bipolar disorder....
Why?
My life is great now. I have friends who I can trust, and the issue of being ignored is nowhere near as severe as it once was.
And yet I want to cry.
Once I get into high school, our friendship shall fall apart. The high school is now segregated into 'academies', based on our interest. Want to be a doctor? Medical academy. Chef? Family Consumer. ...The only time we'll be able to see each other at all is if we happen to get the same electives. Lunch time and all academic classes shall be completely kept apart from one academy to another.
I feel sick.
I'm going to have to make completely new friends.... I only know about two people who want to go into the medical field with me. One is my dear Onee-chan, but I'm not sure if she still wants to be a veterinarian along with me. She always followed me, and now she has her own opinion. I'm awfully happy because of that.
Once I was happy about getting out of middle school. But now...I don't want to. I don't care that next year I'll be able to drive a car, or that I'll be old enough to date.....
Nobody wants to go to high school anymore. Nobody wants to leave their friends. I mean, if I get into honours class, and possibly AP, what's the chances that I'll have time to go out? Oh, yeah, and I don't have a way to commute. My family is a one car family, and both of my parents work.
I feel sick. Literally. I think the stomach flu I had acquired is still inflicting me to a certain degree. My appetite has fallen dramatically, and so has my stamina. I only eat about half of what I used to and I often cringe due to the pain. I'm just glad I don't throw up anymore.
Maybe my stomach pains aren't due to sickness? Maybe it's stress? Everyone has high expectations for me. I easily meet them, but, what's the point? Half of what I'm learning won't come in handy in real life. I mean, who the hell uses geometry, besides engineers? Doctors sure don't.
And who diagrams sentences? Teachers. That's it. I know it's important to know the structure of a sentence, but, my lord....
My teachers make high school seem like a living hell. Twice the work of an average class. Ugh.
I hate doing work. I mean, we read the text books, we take the test on each chapter. Why do we have to do thirteen pages or more of writing for each chapter?
Is real life really this cruel? Maybe it's true watch people say. Life is a beach.
Usually I enjoy life, but, all I feel is that my life is going to go down the drain from now on.
I'm afraid that by the end of high school I'll have ulcers. If I'm right, it's easy to get ulcers in my family. I know my father was hospitalized for the longest time, because his ulcers were so bad that he was throwing up blood on a daily basis.
The only things I know that will keep me sane are my family and music.
Friends don't count because they actually make me insane.
But not in the bad way.
I'm really going to have a mental breakdown one day. My friends laugh whenever I say this, because I say it all of the time. Once I did, in math class. I was sitting there with my friends, who I had to work with. And of course, I was the only one doing the work.
I think something broke. My friends were arguing over how to do the problem. They said I was wrong, they said I was right. I was on the last question when I snapped. I took the paper, ripped it several times, threw it at my friends, and kind of just...spaced out. Ever since then, I haven't really been able to concentrate properly.... It's gotten worst since then.
I think I realized, at that time, I really don't care.
I don't care.
But I have to, so I will pass school.
HAHAHA.
You know what would be wonderful?
If high school wasn't anywhere near as scary as my teachers and the high school administrators said. If I really see a lot of people that I like because they want to be in the medical field, too. If every teacher I got was all fun and games, and hated to grade work so they never assigned it to us.
Yet, that will never happen. Because life is tough.
I feel like crying.
I've finally come to realize that my borderline personality is turning into a bipolar disorder....
Why?
My life is great now. I have friends who I can trust, and the issue of being ignored is nowhere near as severe as it once was.
And yet I want to cry.
Once I get into high school, our friendship shall fall apart. The high school is now segregated into 'academies', based on our interest. Want to be a doctor? Medical academy. Chef? Family Consumer. ...The only time we'll be able to see each other at all is if we happen to get the same electives. Lunch time and all academic classes shall be completely kept apart from one academy to another.
I feel sick.
I'm going to have to make completely new friends.... I only know about two people who want to go into the medical field with me. One is my dear Onee-chan, but I'm not sure if she still wants to be a veterinarian along with me. She always followed me, and now she has her own opinion. I'm awfully happy because of that.
Once I was happy about getting out of middle school. But now...I don't want to. I don't care that next year I'll be able to drive a car, or that I'll be old enough to date.....
Nobody wants to go to high school anymore. Nobody wants to leave their friends. I mean, if I get into honours class, and possibly AP, what's the chances that I'll have time to go out? Oh, yeah, and I don't have a way to commute. My family is a one car family, and both of my parents work.
I feel sick. Literally. I think the stomach flu I had acquired is still inflicting me to a certain degree. My appetite has fallen dramatically, and so has my stamina. I only eat about half of what I used to and I often cringe due to the pain. I'm just glad I don't throw up anymore.
Maybe my stomach pains aren't due to sickness? Maybe it's stress? Everyone has high expectations for me. I easily meet them, but, what's the point? Half of what I'm learning won't come in handy in real life. I mean, who the hell uses geometry, besides engineers? Doctors sure don't.
And who diagrams sentences? Teachers. That's it. I know it's important to know the structure of a sentence, but, my lord....
My teachers make high school seem like a living hell. Twice the work of an average class. Ugh.
I hate doing work. I mean, we read the text books, we take the test on each chapter. Why do we have to do thirteen pages or more of writing for each chapter?
Is real life really this cruel? Maybe it's true watch people say. Life is a beach.
Usually I enjoy life, but, all I feel is that my life is going to go down the drain from now on.
I'm afraid that by the end of high school I'll have ulcers. If I'm right, it's easy to get ulcers in my family. I know my father was hospitalized for the longest time, because his ulcers were so bad that he was throwing up blood on a daily basis.
The only things I know that will keep me sane are my family and music.
Friends don't count because they actually make me insane.
But not in the bad way.
I'm really going to have a mental breakdown one day. My friends laugh whenever I say this, because I say it all of the time. Once I did, in math class. I was sitting there with my friends, who I had to work with. And of course, I was the only one doing the work.
I think something broke. My friends were arguing over how to do the problem. They said I was wrong, they said I was right. I was on the last question when I snapped. I took the paper, ripped it several times, threw it at my friends, and kind of just...spaced out. Ever since then, I haven't really been able to concentrate properly.... It's gotten worst since then.
I think I realized, at that time, I really don't care.
I don't care.
But I have to, so I will pass school.
HAHAHA.
You know what would be wonderful?
If high school wasn't anywhere near as scary as my teachers and the high school administrators said. If I really see a lot of people that I like because they want to be in the medical field, too. If every teacher I got was all fun and games, and hated to grade work so they never assigned it to us.
Yet, that will never happen. Because life is tough.
I feel like crying.
Honnou de sabakiau dare no demo nai daichi de.
