Ladies and Gentlemen! May I have your attention please?

[XoXTobyXRaggXoX]

Ladies and Gentlemen! May I have your attention please?
do you wake every morning in shame and despair
to discover your pillow is covered in hair?
or what not should be there?

well ladies and gentlemen!
from now on you can waken at ease!
you need never again have a worry or care
i will show you a miracle marvelous rare
gentlemen you are about to see something that rose from the dead!
on the top of my head!

t'was pirelli's miracle elixir
thats what did the trick sir
true sir true
was it quick sir?
did it in a tick sir
just like an elixir ought to do

how bout a bottle mister?
only costs a penny guaranteed!

does pirelli's stimulate the growth sir
you can have my oath sir
tis unique

rub a minute stimulatin int it?
soon you'll have to thin it
once a week

(pardon me sir whats that awful stench)
(are we standing near an open drench)
(pardon me sir whats that awful stench)
(are we standing near an open drench)

buy pirelli's miracle elixir
anything will slick sir soon sprouts curls

try pirelli's when they see a fixir
you can have your pick sir
of the girls
wanna buy a bottle misses?

(what is this)
(what is this)
(smells like piss)
(smells like... ew!)
(what is this this is piss piss with ink)
(wouldnt touch it if i was you dear)

let pirelli's activate your roots sir!

(keep it off your boots sir leaks right through)

youre scared pirelli's is usable and of it
ladies seem to love it!

(flies do too...)


((yay for songs!))  

[XoXTobyXRaggXoX]

nothings gonna harm you not while im around
nothings gonna harm you no sir not while im around
demons are prowling everywhere nowadays
ill send them howling
i dont care, i got ways

no ones gonna hurt you
no ones gonna dare
others can desert you
not to worry whistle ill be there

demons will charm you with a smile for a while
but in time...
nothing can harm you not while im around

not to worry not to worry
i may not be smart but i aint dumb
i can do it put me to it
show me something i can over come
not to worry mum!

being close and being clever aint like being true
i dont need to i would never hide a thing from you
like some

no ones gonna hurt you no ones gonna dare
others can desert you
not to worry whistle ill be there
demons will charm you with a smile for a while
but in time
nothing can harm you
not while im around...  

[Tentacle Girl Miruru]

I had him!

His throat was bare beneath my hand.

(there, there dear calm down)

No, I had him!

His throat was there and he'll never come again.

(Easy now, hush, love, hush
I keep telling you,)

When!?

(what's your rush?)

Why did I wait?!
You told me to wait!
Now he'll never come again.

There's a hole in the world like a great black pit
And it's filled with people who are filled with s**t
And the vermin of the world inhabit it

But not for long!

They all deserve to die!

Tell you why, Mrs. Lovett, tell you why

Because,
In all of the whole human race, Mrs. Lovett
There are two kinds of men and only two

There's the one staying put in his proper place
And the one with his foot in the other one's face

Look at me, Mrs. Lovett, look at you.

No, we all deserve to die!

Even you, Mrs. Lovett, even I

Because,
The lives of the wicked should be made brief
For the rest of us death will be a relief

We all deserve to die!

And I'll never
See Johanna
No I'll never
Hug my girl to me

Finished!

All right!

You sir,
How about a shave?
Come and visit,
Your good friend Sweeney.

You sir,
Too sir,
Welcome to the grave

I will have vengeance
I will have salvation

Who sir,
You sir!?
No one's in the chair
Come one, come on

Sweeney's
Waiting
I want you bleeders

You sir,
Anybody!?
Gentlemen, now don't be shy

Not one man,
No nor ten men,
Nor a hundred,
Can assuage me

I will have you!

And I will get him back even as he gloats
In the meantime I'll practice on less honorable throats

And my Lucy
Lies in ashes
And I'll never
See my girl again!

But the work waits!
I'm alive at last,
And I'm full of joy!  

[hinotoriii]

There was a barber and his wife,
And he was beautiful
A proper artist with a knife,
But they transported him for life.
And he was beautiful...

Barker, his name was. Benjamin Barker.
What was his crime?
Foolishness.

He had this wife, y'see,
Pretty little thing,
Silly little nit,
Had her chance for the moon on a string.
Poor thing.
Poor thing.
There were these two, y'see,
Wanted her like mad,
One of 'em a judge, t'other one his beadle!
Every day they'd nudge and they'd wheedle!
But she wouldn't budge from her needle!
Too bad,
Pure thing.
So they merely shipped the poor blighter off south, they did,
Leavin' 'er with nothing but grief and a year-old kid!
Did she use her head even then? Oh no, God forbid!
Poor fool!
Ah, but there was worse yet to come, poor thing...

Johanna... That was the baby's name, pretty little Johanna.
Go on.
My, you do like a good story, don't you?

Well, Beadle calls on her all polite,
Poor thing,
Poor thing!
The judge, he tells her is all contrite,
He blames himself for her dreadful plight,
She must come straight to his house tonight,
Poor thing,
Poor thing!

Of course when she goes there, poor thing, poor thing,
They're 'avin' this ball all in masks!
There's no one she knows there, poor dear, poor thing!
She wanders tormented and drinks, poor thing!
The judge has repented, she thinks, poor thing!
'Oh, where is Judge Turpin,' she asks...
'E was there alright,
Only not so contrite!

She wasn't no match for such craft, y'see,
And everyone thought it so droll.
They figured she had to be daft, y'see,
So all of them stood there and laughed, y'see!
Poor soul!
Poor thing!  

[Tentacle Girl Miruru]

Toby, where are you, now? Where is he?
Nothing’s gonna harm you, not while I’m around

Toby? Toby!

Nothing’s gonna harm you, darling, not while I’m around

Toby?

Mr Todd! You wait for him here.
I’ll return with the coach in less then half an hour.
Don’t worry, no one will recognize you. You’re safe now.

Safe? So we run away and then all our dreams come true?

I hope so.

I’ve never had dreams. Only nightmares.

Johanna, when we’re free of this place,
All the ghosts will go away.

No, Anthony. They never go away.

I’ll be right back to you,
Half an hour and we’ll be free.

Beadle, Beadle, no good hiding, I saw you
Are you in there still, Beadle? Beadle, Beadle, the Beadle!
Beadle-de-del-de-del-de-del-de-del, dumpling
Beadle, dumpling, Bea-de-el-de-del-del-de-del-de-del-de-del-de-del –

Who are you? What are you doing here?

Is it in here, sir? The stink of evil from below! From her!
She’s the devil’s wife. Beware of it, sir. She with no
pity in her heart!

Hey, don’t I know you, Mister?

Mr Todd? Where is she?

Below, your honor, with my neighbour.
Thank heavens. The sailor did not understand.
Thank heavens, too, she has seen the error of her ways.

She has?

Oh yes, your lesson was well learned.
She speaks only of you, longing for forgiveness.

Then she shall have it. She’ll be here soon, Sir?

Yes.

Excellent, my friend.

How ‘bout a shave? Sit, Sir, sit!

Ah, pretty women

Pretty women, yes

Johanna, Johanna

Pretty women, pretty women are a wonder
Pretty women

What wonderful women
Pretty women

Blowing out their candles

Oh!

Combing out their hair

Then they leave, even when they leave you and vanish
They somehow can still remain there with you
Even when they leave they still are there, there

How seldom it is one meets a fellow, Sir.

With fellow tastes, in women at least.

What's that?

The years no doubt have changed me, Sir.
But then I don't suppose a face of a barber,
A face of a prisoner in the dark,
Is not particularly memorable.

Benjamin Barker!

BENJAMIN BARKER!

Rest now, my friend, rest now forever
Sleep now the untroubled sleep of the angels

Come for a shave, have you lad?

No, I-

Everyone needs a good shave.
Forget my face.

Die! God in heaven die!

Why did you scream?

He was clutching onto my dress, but he's finished now.

I'll handle it. Open the door. Open the door I said.

Don’t I know you?, she said. You knew she lived.

I was only thinking of you!

You lied to me...

No, no, not lied at all, no I never lied

Lucy...
Said she took the poison, she did, never said that she died
I’ve come home again
Poor thing, she lived, but it left her weak in the head
All she did for months was just lie there in bed
Lucy...
Should’ve been in hospital, wound up in Bedlam instead, poor thing
Oh my god...
Better you should think she was dead
Yes, I lied, 'cause I love you
Lucy...
I’d be twice the wife she was, I love you
What have I done?
Could that thing have cared for you like me?

Mrs Lovett, you’re a bloody wonder
Eminently practical and yet appropriate as always
As you’ve said repeatedly
There’s little point in dwelling on the past
Do you mean it?
Do come here, my love
Everything I did I swear, I thought it was only for the best
Not a thing to fear, my love
Believe me
What’s dead, is dead
Can we still be married?

The history of the world, my pet

Oh Mr Todd, oh Mr Todd, leave it to me

Is learn forgiveness and try to forget!

By the sea, Mr Todd, we’ll be comfy cosy
By the sea, Mr Todd, where there’s no one nosy

And life is for the alive, my dear!
So let’s keep living it!

Just keep living it, really living it!

There was a barber and his wife, and she was beautiful
A foolish barber and his wife, she was his reason and his life
And she was beautiful, and she was virtuous, and he was...