| Is this better, worse or same as my previous threads? |
| Better : ) |
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75% |
[ 3 ] |
| Worse : ( |
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25% |
[ 1 ] |
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| Total Votes : 4 |
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 Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 8:00 pm
Here's my poem.
Phantom Song
She hears the voice of her angel of music.
The male voice that bashes the childhood sweetheart,
And congratulates her on her voice.
She then sees her angel in a mirror for the first time ever,
His darkness, and his mask.
He beckons her to come to him.
And she travels through the looking glass to meet him.
She meets him, singing.
They each speak, singing.
She mounts a steed, her angel leading.
They both are singing.
Guiding her down the river of darkness,
Through the catacombs of the Opera house,
He sings to her his hypnotizing song.
They croon their dark duet,
In the line where light crosses over to darkness.
Into his domain, statues stare at them.
The small river of death leads to a room.
As candles rise from the water pre-lit.
They stop singing,
But the music shall never end.
If you must criticize it, be polite. Also, you can post your own poetry too.
Please do not hate me for my previous sucky threads.
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Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 11:07 am
its not BAD................
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Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 5:05 pm
Errrrm... at least you're trying..!
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Posted: Sat Sep 17, 2005 7:22 am
Descriptive, almost too much so.
If I could imagine the play's stage directions, your poem would be just that.
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Posted: Sat Sep 17, 2005 8:08 am
I will not be mean
I will not be mean
I will not be mean...
gonk
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Posted: Sat Sep 17, 2005 8:58 am
The Night Wakes for Him
She sings and calls for him now,
"Angel of Music!"
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Posted: Sat Sep 17, 2005 12:36 pm
Daemon, that was beautiful. So beautiful I had to rip my eardrums out. smile
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Posted: Thu Sep 22, 2005 9:54 pm
Muffin Lust I will not be mean
I will not be mean
I will not be mean...
gonk
What exactly are you implying? stare
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Posted: Thu Sep 22, 2005 9:59 pm
DaemonSpawn The Night Wakes for Him She sings and calls for him now, "Angel of Music!" Very good! Me likie! heart mrgreen
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Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 12:19 pm
Rofl, a three line poem. Haiku!!! 'Cept it's not true Haiku... has to have to do with nature.
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Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 12:56 pm
Do haikus really always have to have something to do with nature? I though they simply had to fall under the right structure in order to be one.
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Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 3:13 pm
A true haiku, according to the Japanese, requires five syllables in the first line, seven syllables in the second line, and five more in the third. All in all, seventeen syllables. Also, tradition says that Haikus must deal with nature. *Shrug* Leave it to the Japanese...
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Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 7:53 pm
...Haiku can be about anything, actually. Tradition may state, but it isn't as if it's ever observed.
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Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 8:19 pm
I agree with fuoko on this one.
Haiku's generally pertain to nature, but they don't have to.
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Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 10:13 pm
I guess it's an open definition... I've heard people go as far to say that there is no True Haiku because there are so many rules to adhere to that it's nearly impossible to write one. I personally think any seventeen syllable poem in the previous format that has to do with nature is Haiku... I'm not gonna argue with you guys and girls though. smile
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