Iridessa's Stash

[Regina Angelium]

MEMOIR

For I will come when you least expected it
I will knock on your door when I'm mostly unwelcome
I will see through your eyes, fathom the lies
Awaken the devil behind

I'm the plaque that'll be haunting your household
I'm the sickness that runs in your veins
I'll feed on your fear, feed on your blood
Empowered by the wrath in your wretched heart

I'm the embodiment of your illusions and your desires
The poison in every word you utter
I might be a wolf in a sheep's clothing
But I can be your angel if you ask me to...

You're my Da Vinci and I'm your Mona Lisa
Yet you despise me above all else
'Cos I remind you of every crime you committed
I am the ghost of your horrid past

Listen to your conscience when it speaks.
In the abyss created by your mere existence,
I'll be your burden and an abomination
I'm the deceit that lingers in your tormented soul


(Revised Edition)
URL: http://mydailydoseofsecularrubbish.blogspot.com/2008/01/memoirs.html

 

[Regina Angelium]

A CONVERSATION

He:
You've forsaken me once, forsaken me twice
Yet here I am standing right behind you,
Following your every steps
You've been ignoring me before and up until now,
Yet I'm still hoping that you'll see the light...
When you see that tiny flicker;
I hope you'll know that its me
You've left me before and now you're leaving me again
But I'll be standing at the door, waiting for your return
You've been wandering for too long and you feel so alone
But I'll be there when you need me even before you call
I might seem like a stranger to you right now
But your heart knows me well...
And I just know that someday, you'll be with me again...

She:
I've asked for your forgiveness for countless times
Yet here I go again repeating the same mistakes
I've been wandering for far too long... I know I am
But I just wanted to see everything for myself
You promised me shelter, a fortified castle
Something that seems too good to be true
I used to know you before but now I can't even recall your name.
Pardon me if I can't stay... at least not right now
Let me find those broken pieces of myself first...
Let me learn to stand up on my feet once again...
Everything... just everything I need right now is TIME
When I'm done, I might as well find my way back to you...
I can't promise you "today" not even tomorrow... who knows when?
But just so you know, I'll never forget that day...
When I trusted myself in you and put everything in your hands...
I guess I just need "me" back again... FOR NOW


(Revised Edition)
URL: http://mydailydoseofsecularrubbish.blogspot.com/2008/01/conversation.html

 

[Regina Angelium]

I wish you knew what it feels like
To be alive yet so dead
To live without existing
To be part of the crowd
Yet feel so alone
To smile even when your crying
To run away from the truth
To freeze in the midst of the burning flames
To linger in the dark
Floating between two dimensions
To be lost in your own world
To be stuck on your darkened mind
I wish you knew...
I wish you could understand


URL: http://mydailydoseofsecularrubbish.blogspot.com/2008/01/untitled.html

 

[Regina Angelium]

MESSIAH

If my tears weren't enough to wash away the blood
And the bottle of drugs are not enough to numb me from pain
When love is all I have and all I have is already shattered
So all that's left for me to do is another silent screaming
Will you held my hand and take me in?
I am enveloped and eaten by fear
Scared of the shadows lurking in my lair
I've always long for a saviour to save me from my despair
My burdens are sometimes to much to carry
And my spirit's often deprive of rest
My old soul's seeking for solace,
A strong arm to pull it out of it's hell.
I need some rain to wash the filth away from my body,
I need a sharp blade to cut myself with
I need to die to so I could live again
Would you dare to look at the darkness you don't have to see?
Will you be brave enough to risk everything just to save me?


URL: http://mydailydoseofsecularrubbish.blogspot.com/2008/01/messiah.html

 

[Regina Angelium]

RUNAWAY

If I had a chance
I wouldn't be with you
If I had a choice
I wouldn't be like this
I would disappear at this very moment
If and only if I could.
I feel so helpless
All I'm left to do is cry myself to sleep
But my tears are mocking me...
Intensifying my grief.
You weren't there when I need you
You've left me all alone
When I was badly wounded
And bleeding like hell
If I had a gun with a hundred bullet
I'll kill you with it
If I had a knife in my hand
I'll probably slit your throat
You've feed me enough lies
And now I've had too much of it
Someday I'll cut all the puppet strings
Which you've implanted on my bare flesh
I'll no longer be an entertainment for you!


URL: http://mydailydoseofsecularrubbish.blogspot.com/2008/01/runaway.html

 

[Regina Angelium]

A DARK FAIRYTALE

She’s lost inside a world of her own making
Haunted by the memories she once forgot
Dark shadows stalks her every night and day
Whispering and taunting while a mournful song plays
Up she went on the stairway to nothingness
And walk on the hallway towards the void
The floors creaked underneath each footstep
The sound of madness echoes through the walls
A theater show for the children of the dark
Staging a fairy bound by chains and claws of lust
On a corner illuminated by the pale moonlight
Her grace was humming the hymn of death
Whilst grotesquely dancing on insane merriment
Her long black hair follows her every movement
She’s a divinity clothed on a white blood-stained dress
Joined by unseen spirits on her solitude
Princes ventured to find the heart she once lost
The mermaids sang to ease her weary and broken soul
But that tiny flare of love grows fainter with every song
Whilst some stranger trespassed to broke her faith
It’s all but a mediocre story of a romantic torment
She was just another lady scorned by suppressed fury,
A decadent beauty on a deadly masquerade…
Here lies the maiden that had been asleep for eternity
Waiting for a stray voyager to wake her up with a kiss…


URL: http://mydailydoseofsecularrubbish.blogspot.com/2008/01/dark-fairytale.html

 

[Regina Angelium]

LAMENTATIONS OF A TORTURED SOUL

I'm at the verge of my sanity,
Trying to hold unto the remaining few.
I've been living in a world of illusions,
Of dark fantasies and tragic romance,
Of suicidal thoughts and fatal hallucinations.
Each tears I shed were blood from my veins;
Choking what's left of this once hopeful youth.
A weary heart scorned by hatred and deceit.
Even my reflection lies to me...
All the praises and admiration means nothing,
All the invitations are left unopened and ignored.
I've been leading a solitary life;
and I'm getting so used to it now...
That I'm looking for no company at all.
I am constantly living on shrouds of yesterday,
Unable to live and unable to move on.
It's not the death of the body that matters,
It's that thing that dies inside you while your alive.
There is no such thing as living without dying,
Yet there's this thing you call 'dying without living'.
I've been torn apart by the world,
Now some pieces of me have gone missing,
Probably too lost to be found...
Once again, I'm singing that melancholic song;
Then I suddenly felt the temptation to spiral downwards,
And to submerge myself into an eternity of darkness.
But a tiny flicker of light stands on my way.
So I was left in the midst of an internal chaos,
A war between I and myself.
With awkward choices dangling in front of my eyes,
Urging me to choose only one.
So there I was, struggling deep inside...
Unable to choose between life and death,
While carrying the burden of my heart's lament...
Am I going to gamble for love? or for hate?
Yet all my sacrificial offerings went unnoticed,
Unappreciated and untouched by the ones I loved.
They've locked me up on a house of misery,
And for centuries they've paid me no visit.
And after turning the house into a mansion,
They expected me to throw a gallant masquerade.
I wish I could be a steam and be gone,
A bird so I could fly away from this land of nightmare.
I am not as strong as you think I am,
Nor am I wise as you thought I've always been.
And unless you've been torn the same way as I am;
You will never understand what it's like...
TO BE ALIVE YET SO DEAD all at the same time.


URL: http://mydailydoseofsecularrubbish.blogspot.com/2008/01/lamentations-of-tortured-soul.html

 

[Regina Angelium]

A LOVER'S FAREWELL

So long my love, perhaps I'll see you again
In another life,
In another world,
Or perhaps tonight in your dreams.
I hope you wouldn't think that I've lied to you,
I hope you wouldn't think that I don't care.
You know that If I only had the choice;
I would stay with you forever...
I never meant to hurt you,
And I never meant to make you cry.
I hate to see you weeping...
But I had to say goodbye.
So won't you give me that smile of yours,
Instead of that heart-breaking tears.
And I'll hold your hand as long as I can,
before my vision grew dim.
I have loved you once and I always will.
All the memories we've had will remain with me,
For I'll take it wherever I go.
Hush... please no more tears.
Smile at me for the last time,
And promise me you'll be brave.
So long my love, perhaps I'll see you again.
In another life,
In another world,
Or perhaps tonight in your dreams.
Farewell.

And the hand that was holding her loosens its grip,
and the eyes which use to stare longingly at her starts to close...
And the man whom she loved so deeply died in her arms
after leaving this touching yet sorrowful words...



I'll love you till time's end...


URL: http://mydailydoseofsecularrubbish.blogspot.com/2008/01/lovers-farewell.html

 

[Regina Angelium]

A FLIGHT OF FANCY

Who is the face behind the mask
Are you the gentle lover that I adore?
I woke up one day to see red roses
Laid at the foot of my bed
And there you are standing at the edge
Greeting me like the morning sun
And the birds started singing,
And sky has gone brighter.
But your utter lack of tangibility
Has brought my senses a little earlier
Alas! What’s a damsel ought to do
To bring his knight out of her dream
Shall I cast a spell to bring this man
Out of this lovely fairytale he’s in.
A dashing gentleman, a romantic poet
Someone who would take me to the aisle
A handsome prince, a brave soldier
Someone to slay my dragons for me
A lonesome voyager, a dreamer
Someone to take me home with him…


URL: http://mydailydoseofsecularrubbish.blogspot.com/2008/01/flight-of-fancy.html