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 Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 5:38 pm
Killing me slowly with the red ice in your eyes
You’ve never hated this much in all your life
Can’t wait to sink fangs into flesh
Leave nothing behind save the crimson mess
Red haze comes over you
Can’t stand what I’ve said—too true
Hands turn to claws to kill and maim
Nothing left to lose nothing yet to gain
I'm not sure if it's done just yet, but I'd like to know what you think...
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Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 5:42 pm
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Posted: Wed Jan 30, 2008 2:21 pm
I like it, it's going good so far. Just as Nimrod said. XD
I always seem to find your pieces a bit...tricky to read. You're a fine writer, that much is obvious...but perhaps you should incorporate a bit of punctuation? I don't know, maybe not. It just seems that, not all of your lines are set to the same rhythm, and perhaps one should be flagged to pause at certain points to get the full effect from the poem. If you see that it is unnecessary to do so, that's okay, too. Just a suggestion. XD
But I like it, though you're right. It doesn't sound, to the reader, like it's reached its end. You're very good at continuing poems, though, so I see no problem in it. XD Colorful words, imagery good. I can picture it..but maybe that's only my love of blood spilling... sweatdrop Nice work.
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Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 2:41 pm
I'm not getting the flow...but, very creative. Reminds me of all the scary movies I've seen confused ?_?
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Posted: Fri Feb 08, 2008 1:32 pm
lol I usually do have punctuation, but add it at the end after I'm done writing so don't worry it'll be added. thank you. I don't have much to write (I'm at Amy's house and I don't have my poetry with me sweatdrop but I'll add soon.
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