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 Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 1:21 am
Help:
As the title quotes.
Questions:
This is more of a statement, though I need serious help with it. Most teenagers don't understand, just pointing from afar, calling names, like, "Emo b!tch" or, "Cutter". They have no idea what I'm going through.
I'm an orphan, living with foster parents after I was adopted at the orphanage. They adopted me, think I was a cheerful smile and bright clothing. At first, I was. Until the other girls my age started picking on me, teasing me, bullying me. All because and tipped a bottle of water over the head of the current heartthrob of the year 6 class. Why, you ask? We was a b*****d. A pervert. And annoying. He thought himself irresistible. For a few months I paid no mind, sticking to the one friend I had. When he had to move away, everyone thought of it as a chance to make me feel bad, punish me for being different.
I withdrew from everyone, not talking unless spoken to, and usually then with a one word answer. For a few months, it worked like a charm. Sitting in the shadows, watching other people pass me by, others forgot I was there. Then he turned up. He wanted me to join in. He wanted me to be happy. I let him lead me toward the light. We had fun for a few weeks, before he started drifting away. Then, looking for him one day in grade 7, I saw a girl in his arms. The one that had started all the pain, so long ago. It broke my heart. Depressed, I ran from school. I wouldn't go to school for another few months. I started hanging out at the nearby train station, finding a few people like me. Despite their offers for a smoke, or other stuff a girl of my age shouldn't be offered, I stayed with them until grade eight. By then, I had started hallucinating, if you could call it that.
I started seeing things. Like black hooded beings standing a few feet in front of me, then vanishing from my sight. So I started wearing charms. I wore a few light coven keys, and such, hiding them under my shirt. I started cutting, trying to tell myself I was alive, and that this was life, no matter how terrible it was. I was dressing in blacks and reds, and arm bands always cover my wrists at weekends and after school. But, thanks to a dress code being put in order, I stuck to bandages, and wearing a long sleeved shirt and long pants to school everyday, regardless of weather.
So that's my problem. I'm an emo, I cut, I see things, I'm superstitious, I don't have any friends, I'm under pressure at school and home, because of failing grades, and the threat of drugs, and possibly rape at the train station, where I still sometimes go.
If anybody understands my situation, or is in a similar one, please tell me. I'm slowly going insane. I need company and reassurance, as much as a despise sympathy. I am not asking for pity, or anything like that. I'm asking for friendship, and acceptance.
The two emotions so meaningless to me, merely words in my vocabulary, as other's throw them around like common toys.
Do not come to me now you know what I'm feeling, if you're all happy, hyper, have a perfectly good life, and know nothing about what this little speech of mine has been about. I hardly talk that much, and speaking this much is only a symptom of desperation. Do not come here and mistake this for idiocy. For if I ever meet you in this short, but horribly miserable life of mine, you will regret it. I'll make sure of that.
Do not persistently attempt to delve any deeper then the abyss I have created in my soul, if you fear of mentally destroying me forever.
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Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 8:22 am
Quote: Well First things first Seeings as your account has only been active for 5 days I can only assume that either you're a troll or some one trying to cover your Identity. Your elaborate story hints towards the troll theory. So If you are infact serious about any of the things you've said here Please seek Professional help immediately As none of us are qualified to help you in matters such as these. This topic has been locked If you have any further questions Please Pm me. After speaking with Pallid obscurity myself I've decided to unlock her topic. But Please realize that we still are not qualified to help professionally and you should seek medical and (or) Psychiatric help as soon as possible, as hallucinations are often times signs of deeper medical or psychiatric problems.
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Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 8:25 am
and with That being said Here's my Piece First off I want you to know that I do understand your situation, I was in one quite similar some time ago. Granted I am not an orphan, I've never hallucinated Without the aid of mind altering substances, and I didn't skip as much school as it would appear you have. But the Cutting, feeling like an outcast, the temptation of drugs, Those are all things knew all too well. Starting from the top. Pallid Obscurity So that's my problem. I'm an emo, I cut, I found this site a while back while doing some research. Quote: Cutting yourself is a serious and dangerous condition that should be taken seriously, and not ignored. Do you find yourself abusing your body when you're feeling bad? If so, you are not alone. The Mental Health Foundation of the UK estimates self-harm "affects at least 1 in 15 young people." The following tips might help you stop the cycle, but the majority of people cannot stop on their own. If you feel you need professional help, then do not be ashamed to seek it! In addition to steps you can take towards self-healing, you'll also find a list of helpful sites. Steps: 1. Keep a hotline number with you at all times. When you feel the urge to cut, pick up the phone and call the hotline. Crisis hotline staff are trained to provide support and offer you alternatives to cutting yourself. However, you should remember that a professional crisis clinician will be clear that it is NOT his or her job to "talk you out of" cutting yourself - you make your own choices, and you must take responsibility for cutting or not cutting. Do not be ashamed to ask for support when you need it, as this affliction affects people from all walks of life. 2. Remove cutting tools from your immediate area. If you have to take the time to look for something with which to cut yourself, you may find you have just given yourself enough time to deal with the impulse. 3. Identify the 'trigger' that gives you the urge to cut. The moment you have the urge to cut, stop and think of what has just occurred. Remember it and try to avoid these situations! When they do occur, try to create another outlet. Walk away, eat ice cream, take a shower or bubble bath, go out for a jog, go for a swim, call a friend for coffee at the local coffeehouse but do not cut. 4. As soon as you feel the urge to cut yourself, take a deep breath, fold your arms, close your eyes and relax. Tell yourself that you are not going to cut. If possible, lie down somewhere. Stay like this until the urge goes, then quickly phone a helpline or use another means of getting help. 5. Find another way to vent. Cutting is a way to release some type of pain or frustration. Try painting, writing about your feelings, singing, dancing, playing an instrument, or playing a sport. Even screaming at the top of your lungs helps. Try anything you can (as long as it's legal and healthy) to stop the urge to cut. 6. Release the pain without cutting by using your voice. Talk to someone--a doctor, teacher, friends, your parents if you can. You will be surprised how relieved you will feel after you talk about it. If you chose a doctor or a counselor, they can get you the help you need to heal the underlying cause. Speak out loud about what is causing you so much pain. Talk about it - even to yourself, in the privacy of your bedroom. Yell or scream - anything to release the tension inside of you - but do not cut. 7. Help yourself by imagining that you are your best friend. If she was just about to cut herself, what would you say to stop it? 8. Recognize that cutting is just the symptom of a root problem. Follow the above steps to stop yourself from cutting, but also seek help from a doctor, parent, or counselor to address the deeper problems that make you want to cut in the first place. Tips* Don't Let people stereotype you as emo because you cut. Those people are ignorant. * Snapping a rubber band on your wrist is not a good suggestion as it re-enforces that you can fix your problems by hurting yourself. It is merely a "cop-out" and you shouldn't do this or any other method of hurting yourself to stop cutting. * Don't let people judge you either it makes things worst believe in yourself. you can read it for yourself here [ X] My best advice on something like cutting would be having a friend hold you accountable. When I was cutting I had my wife (then she was my girlfriend) And my best friend hold me accountable I'd still wear long sleeves as a force of habit and he would pull up my sleeves every morning as soon as I got to school to make sure I hadn't cut. It's a lot easier to stop cutting when you have an excuse. Pallid Obscurity I don't have any friends, Alright I can understand why you'd be shy to get out there and meet people at school. But odds are if you were to try joining a club or after school activity it would You'd be more than likely to meet people who have the same interests as you and take it from there. And if for some reason you don't want to try that Start talking to people here on gaia. Friends online can sometimes be just as close if not closer than friends offline. Pallid Obscurity I'm under pressure at school and home, because of failing grades, and the threat of drugs, and possibly rape at the train station, where I still sometimes go. Ok I'm going to Hit this chunk all at once. First stop going to the train station. Don't put yourself in positions where it's likely that you'd be offered drugs or raped. Quit ditching school. Improve your attendance and your grades will go up. Study more, Seriously if you're studying odds are you'll be too busy to get depressed. Alright *Deep breath* I've done my best I wish some of the other members would get in here and give it a shot. I hope that helps. and again I'm sorry for mistaking you as a troll.
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Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 2:58 pm
Thanks for your help, Shadenhand-san.
I'll try those substitutes or alternatives to cutting the next time I have the urge. For the friend problem, I'm not sure I want to join in a school activity. Any alternatives to that? I've considered going to an animal shelter to volunteer there.. And I do feel more comfortable online then anything else, because I can partly conceal my identity.
Thanks again;;
Pallid Obscurity
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Posted: Sat Jan 26, 2008 4:03 pm
Pallid Obscurity
Thanks for your help, Shadenhand-san.
I'll try those substitutes or alternatives to cutting the next time I have the urge. For the friend problem, I'm not sure I want to join in a school activity. Any alternatives to that? I've considered going to an animal shelter to volunteer there.. And I do feel more comfortable online then anything else, because I can partly conceal my identity.
Thanks again;;
Pallid Obscurity
Hmm... Volunteering is a great way to make friends and you know if you stop ditching school you'll be more likely to just run into a friendship... I mean seriously By eleminating that one problem you can solve quite a few others... But no I don't really have any other ways.... Sorry... And please don't call me "-san" I've got bad memories associated with that and I'd be more than willing to bet that My wife wouldn't appreciate it... Not trying to be rude or anything you couldn't have known lol... and I think I'll have to check Guys are supposed to be referred to as "-Kuhn" aren't they?
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Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 4:43 am
Uhm, well, '-san' is the polite way to call an acquaintance of sorts, whereas '-kun' can be used with someone you are familiar with, like a brother or close friend. '-chan' is used as a sign of endearment towards girls, but it can be used just as easily on boys.
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Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 5:49 am
Pallid Obscurity
Uhm, well, '-san' is the polite way to call an acquaintance of sorts, whereas '-kun' can be used with someone you are familiar with, like a brother or close friend. '-chan' is used as a sign of endearment towards girls, but it can be used just as easily on boys.
Ah, My mistake then.. but please refrain from using it towards me... Nothing personal it just brings back memories of something I've been trying pretty hard to forget...
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Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 3:36 pm
Uhm, sure..
What would you like me to call you then?
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Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 6:07 pm
Pallid Obscurity
Uhm, sure..
What would you like me to call you then?
anything is fine.. Just not that Lol....
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Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2008 4:53 am
Uhm, I've been thinking about it for a while..
Would you mind terribly if I called you, "Oniisama"?
sweatdrop
Sorry if that offends you in anyway.
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Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2008 9:54 am
Pallid Obscurity
Uhm, I've been thinking about it for a while..
Would you mind terribly if I called you, "Oniisama"?
sweatdrop
Sorry if that offends you in anyway.
Older brother? Why would you call me that *is confused* and on another topic... I'm rather annoyed that no one's responded to your topic yet.... Has your situation gotten any better?
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Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 2:14 am
Davis Shadenhand Pallid Obscurity
Uhm, I've been thinking about it for a while..
Would you mind terribly if I called you, "Oniisama"?
sweatdrop
Sorry if that offends you in anyway.
Older brother? Why would you call me that *is confused* and on another topic... I'm rather annoyed that no one's responded to your topic yet.... Has your situation gotten any better?
Uhm, I'm not too sure why I'd call you that. sweatdrop
By the way, one person has replied other then you, but they sent it in a PM, because they didn't like the, "insecurity of the forums".
And yes, my situation has seemed to get brighter. ^^
I've actually got a really nice friend named Max, who helps me alot. I have to help him as well, so we're kinda depending on each other. He's helping me stop cutting by checking my wrists every morning before school, lecturing me if he finds anything, and I'm helping him stop smoking, so it's all good. I've also found that drawing, or doing sudoku helps when I'm feeling the urge to cut. ^^
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Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 10:53 am
Pallid Obscurity Davis Shadenhand Pallid Obscurity
Uhm, I've been thinking about it for a while..
Would you mind terribly if I called you, "Oniisama"?
sweatdrop
Sorry if that offends you in anyway.
Older brother? Why would you call me that *is confused* and on another topic... I'm rather annoyed that no one's responded to your topic yet.... Has your situation gotten any better?
Uhm, I'm not too sure why I'd call you that. sweatdrop
By the way, one person has replied other then you, but they sent it in a PM, because they didn't like the, "insecurity of the forums".
And yes, my situation has seemed to get brighter. ^^
I've actually got a really nice friend named Max, who helps me alot. I have to help him as well, so we're kinda depending on each other. He's helping me stop cutting by checking my wrists every morning before school, lecturing me if he finds anything, and I'm helping him stop smoking, so it's all good. I've also found that drawing, or doing sudoku helps when I'm feeling the urge to cut. ^^
Awesome... Keep it up...
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Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2008 4:22 am
Oniisama?
Hello again. ^^
I'm glad to say that my problem has at last been completely demolished. ;D
I have beautiful friends that help me, and we're in a nice, secure environment.
I would like to thank you for the help you have supplied.
I'd like to hear from you again sometime, hopefully on a brighter note.
Until then,
Pallid Obscurity.
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