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 Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 7:15 pm
So, today I took a huge step.
I confessed to the boy I like.
Let's call him Nate, 'kay?
So Nate is a junior. I am a sophomore. We met last year in our Japanese 1 class. He's best friends with my friend John (changed name). Last year I didn't speak to him much, but he always seemed to catch my attention. I spoke to him rarely, maybe once or twice in passing, but I was too obsessed with my crush at the time, Mike (who also happened to be in Canada-- we had never met in person) who I met on here a few years ago.
The year passed with little difficulty.
The start of my sophomore year, I walked into my Honors Chemistry class to find that my friend Elle and Nate were in the class. Elle and Nate talked, so I saw him a lot when I'd go to visit her. Soon, I caught myself wanting Nate to notice me. To watch me. You know, I just wanted his attention.
A little more than two months ago, I walked into the classroom one day to discover that the teacher had changed our seats. I now sat behind Nate. I was happy. As we began to talk, I finally noticed how amazing and smart he was. As we got up to leave the following week, I turned to look at him, and it hit me.
Six foot something tall, dark brown hair, bright green eyes... I finally noticed him as a BOY. For the rest of the day, I couldn't help but think about him. And as I talked to him and we got to know each other, I realized that I had a crush on him. And I was fine with it. I was content just talking to him.
But a month ago, things changed. As Nate continued to win me over, I began to wish that I could reach out and grab his hand or his arm. I wished that I was his girlfriend more than ANYTHING. It was tearing me apart. I had never before wanted something so badly. I couldn't sleep.
So last week my friends and I were talking and they convinced me to confess my feelings. I had envisioned it in my head dozens of times with different scenarios, but I never expected I'd actually be able to do it. I could never tell it to his face; I'm too timid. So I wrote a note, saying that I like him and even though I really want my feelings to be known, I don't need a response and I hope we can still be friends... That sort of thing.
Today, the day of our last finals and right before a four day weekend, I slipped him the note. I think he might have already known what it was, but I told him not to read it until later.
So... I'm a little spazzy.
Was this too soon?
Should I have waited longer?
Could I have scared him away? Or worse, ruined our friendship?
And what the heck do I do when I face him on Wednesday?
I was so confident when I handed it to him, but now I'm freaking out.
Help me, please!
Also, I've heard that John may like me as well, so could I also be ruining my friendship with him too, if he finds out?
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Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 6:29 pm
Here's the situation now, a few months later.
Things were fine afterwards. Nate acted like the whole thing never happened. Maybe he didn't even read it, I don't know. All I know is that I was INCREDIBLY disappointed by the results. I even caught myself wishing that he'd just flat-out reject me, and not tease me like this.
But I've been sort of thinking that maybe he is starting to like me back? He plays with my hair in class, we talk more, and he's being more open. He's addressing me by my name, waving hello to me when we pass each other, and even starting conversations. I'm having to do less work.
Does he think of me as just a friend? Is this how he just shows friendly-ness? I'm really confused. The awkwardness of the note has passed us, but now it's a whole new weird. I've been catching his eye a lot. He's been telling me things he'd never tell anyone else.
Gaaah, relationships!
I hope that if he does like me, he makes his move soon. The school year is almost over, so if we wait too long, he'll be in college or off on his own, and I'll be left behind...
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