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 Posted: Thu Jan 17, 2008 2:42 am
and i was gloomy enough to post a blog on myspace
Sleepless nights
Current mood: gloomy
Category: Life
Well, here i am, another sleepless night.
Every night my mind is heavily clouded in thoughts.
Thoughts of my life. Thoughts of where I'm headed. . . .
"Where am I headed? Am i going to make it? Will i live to see the rest of my life?"
Thoughts that delude me from my everyday tasks. People usually see me happy, with a "everything is peachy" attitude. I seem carefree, but honestly, I'm troubled deeply. In my mind, i want to get away from everything. I don't care how far it is, how isolated, i just want to be. . . . .gone.
Day after day, i feel as if my life is wasted. I'm beginning to see the end of my meager existance, and love is slowly becoming a worthless affection.
I try my best to push forward, only learning that it's getting me no where. I'm confused where ever i turn, luckly i have friends who pull me out of my confusion, they are my only refuge from this confusing hell.
"I need to finish Delgado, I need to earn a scholarship and grants to get into Memphis" is what i keep telling myself. I honestly am trying, but having parents who were refugees, who have no experiance with this, make it rather difficult.
The heavy darkness between dusk and dawn presses on me everynight, its my most depressing times. I just sit there, on my bed, quietly, hoping to fall asleep and forget about my problems.
Praying for someone to save me.
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Posted: Thu Jan 17, 2008 11:46 pm
i know how ya feel man, and all i do is pray... not for some one to save me...cause i believe in Jesus Chirst as my personal Lord and Saviour. maybe this is God calling you to him. i know you say your Buddist or whatever... i think that what you said during Christmas... i dont remember. anywho maybe you should look into or something... i know when i have nights like yours i just pray "Lord, Thank you for this day, i ask you to please clear my mind of these issues and help me fall asleep. Amen"
ll keep you in my prayers man
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Posted: Thu Jan 17, 2008 11:54 pm
thanx man, I was raised buddhist, but I'm not all that religious. half of my family is catholic, so I'm kinda both. I also have this thing called sleep apnia. . . .usually you breathe unconciously. but sometimes that shuts down within me and i have to stay awake to breathe. a doctor told me that sleep apnia is how most people die in their sleep. it used to happen once in a blue moon, but its getting common, my parents think its just insomnia, but insomnia doesn't keep a person up almost 3 days. I guess I'm just insanely stressed. Some of my friends are getting worried. One of my friends plans on finding me a girlfriend during his wedding hoping it will solve my problem 0___o.
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Posted: Thu Jan 17, 2008 11:55 pm
ah yes, your truck. . . .all i can say is. DAMN SCANNER!
ah, wanna read mongas online?
onemanga.com
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Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 12:13 am
yeah i know what sleep apnia is... i have a CPAP machine for it... but still man, pray for God to relieve some stress or something. as for insomnia... i cant tell you anything about it... but when i was tested for sleep apnia they also thought i have narcolepsy... and im to poor to get tested for that so i looked it up on the net and come to find out i exibit all but one of the signs of narcolepsy... so i guess unofficailly i got it. thanks for the link
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Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 11:18 am
Ryu_Kaze insomnia doesn't keep a person up almost 3 days. That actually sounds like the precise description of insomnia. I hope you de-stress soon, my friend.
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Posted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 3:34 am
-sigh-. . . .its 5:30AM. . .and i ended up posting another one
Its 5:15AM.
I get the feeling i wont be sleeping tonight. As i lay in my bed, trying to fall asleep, i hear the rain.
dripping in large amounts, knocking on my window, I thought "they resemble my hopes and dreams, falling apart in large amounts." I started to wish my apnia kicked in, so that i would fall asleep, and never wake up in this world again.
As the last time, My mind fills with doubt and thoughts, this time. . .i sink into my thoughts, deeper and deeper, this time, they were much more depressing. I was told by a good friend that i need to relax. Honestly, I've tried to, only to waste time and fail. Going to Delgado, confused on where to go, which way to turn. heh, that basically sums up my life.
As I sit here typing, I recall a romance novel I was reading, how this average person overcame obsticals, and found the love of four popular women who would give anything to be with him. I thought, "how lucky of him to have so much support." I too have support, but it seems to be lacking something.
i sit here, heavily sighing, thinking in the dark, in front of the blinding screen.
its now 5:24AM
Its still raining, normally i love the rain, but tonight was different. I couldnt stand the sound. the rain pounding on my window, suddenly sounds like hail to me. I wish i could return to my High School days, where i was truely carefree, and everything was simple, everywhere i turn, there were friend i grew up with, laughter and teasing.
Now everywhere I turn, has become malencholic
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Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 1:07 pm
Ryu_Kaze -sigh-. . . .its 5:30AM. . .and i ended up posting another one Its 5:15AM. I get the feeling i wont be sleeping tonight. As i lay in my bed, trying to fall asleep, i hear the rain. dripping in large amounts, knocking on my window, I thought "they resemble my hopes and dreams, falling apart in large amounts." I started to wish my apnia kicked in, so that i would fall asleep, and never wake up in this world again. As the last time, My mind fills with doubt and thoughts, this time. . .i sink into my thoughts, deeper and deeper, this time, they were much more depressing. I was told by a good friend that i need to relax. Honestly, I've tried to, only to waste time and fail. Going to Delgado, confused on where to go, which way to turn. heh, that basically sums up my life. As I sit here typing, I recall a romance novel I was reading, how this average person overcame obsticals, and found the love of four popular women who would give anything to be with him. I thought, "how lucky of him to have so much support." I too have support, but it seems to be lacking something. i sit here, heavily sighing, thinking in the dark, in front of the blinding screen. its now 5:24AM Its still raining, normally i love the rain, but tonight was different. I couldnt stand the sound. the rain pounding on my window, suddenly sounds like hail to me. I wish i could return to my High School days, where i was truely carefree, and everything was simple, everywhere i turn, there were friend i grew up with, laughter and teasing. Now everywhere I turn, has become malencholic eric, do you have trouble sleeping like this often? do you have nightmares too or not remember most of your dreams? pm me with your response, i might have a cure. as far as what i can tell you, you may be suffering from a pretty severe case of insomnia.
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Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 10:45 pm
Lirimaer Ryu_Kaze -sigh-. . . .its 5:30AM. . .and i ended up posting another one Its 5:15AM. I get the feeling i wont be sleeping tonight. As i lay in my bed, trying to fall asleep, i hear the rain. dripping in large amounts, knocking on my window, I thought "they resemble my hopes and dreams, falling apart in large amounts." I started to wish my apnia kicked in, so that i would fall asleep, and never wake up in this world again. As the last time, My mind fills with doubt and thoughts, this time. . .i sink into my thoughts, deeper and deeper, this time, they were much more depressing. I was told by a good friend that i need to relax. Honestly, I've tried to, only to waste time and fail. Going to Delgado, confused on where to go, which way to turn. heh, that basically sums up my life. As I sit here typing, I recall a romance novel I was reading, how this average person overcame obsticals, and found the love of four popular women who would give anything to be with him. I thought, "how lucky of him to have so much support." I too have support, but it seems to be lacking something. i sit here, heavily sighing, thinking in the dark, in front of the blinding screen. its now 5:24AM Its still raining, normally i love the rain, but tonight was different. I couldnt stand the sound. the rain pounding on my window, suddenly sounds like hail to me. I wish i could return to my High School days, where i was truely carefree, and everything was simple, everywhere i turn, there were friend i grew up with, laughter and teasing. Now everywhere I turn, has become malencholic eric, do you have trouble sleeping like this often? do you have nightmares too or not remember most of your dreams? pm me with your response, i might have a cure. as far as what i can tell you, you may be suffering from a pretty severe case of insomnia. yep, i usually sit there in bed for hours staring at the damn dark ceiling. . . .
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Posted: Tue Apr 22, 2008 8:16 am
Ryu_Kaze Lirimaer Ryu_Kaze -sigh-. . . .its 5:30AM. . .and i ended up posting another one Its 5:15AM. I get the feeling i wont be sleeping tonight. As i lay in my bed, trying to fall asleep, i hear the rain. dripping in large amounts, knocking on my window, I thought "they resemble my hopes and dreams, falling apart in large amounts." I started to wish my apnia kicked in, so that i would fall asleep, and never wake up in this world again. As the last time, My mind fills with doubt and thoughts, this time. . .i sink into my thoughts, deeper and deeper, this time, they were much more depressing. I was told by a good friend that i need to relax. Honestly, I've tried to, only to waste time and fail. Going to Delgado, confused on where to go, which way to turn. heh, that basically sums up my life. As I sit here typing, I recall a romance novel I was reading, how this average person overcame obsticals, and found the love of four popular women who would give anything to be with him. I thought, "how lucky of him to have so much support." I too have support, but it seems to be lacking something. i sit here, heavily sighing, thinking in the dark, in front of the blinding screen. its now 5:24AM Its still raining, normally i love the rain, but tonight was different. I couldnt stand the sound. the rain pounding on my window, suddenly sounds like hail to me. I wish i could return to my High School days, where i was truely carefree, and everything was simple, everywhere i turn, there were friend i grew up with, laughter and teasing. Now everywhere I turn, has become malencholic eric, do you have trouble sleeping like this often? do you have nightmares too or not remember most of your dreams? pm me with your response, i might have a cure. as far as what i can tell you, you may be suffering from a pretty severe case of insomnia. yep, i usually sit there in bed for hours staring at the damn dark ceiling. . . . try aroma therapy, it's worked a couple times for me. but now it doesn't seem to be working for me anymore. i wonder why?
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