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No, not a topic about sex in the days when man and wife slept in two separate beds across the room from each other.

A convo I had with PinderSquirrel a while back sparked this. What if, the enormous dramatic stories of today, took place in the year 1962? Well, it may go something like this:


Identity Crisis


The cover to issue one: The Justice League stands in the middle with shocked looks on their faces. A large, mysterious hand points at them with the words "Today, someone you know DIES by my hand!" is shown on the cover. At the bottom is the blurb "You won't believe what we've done now!"

Inside the issue: Ralph Dibney, who, with an asterix next to his name, we are reminded by the editor is the only superhero with a public identity! is out battling some criminals robbing a bank. With snappy patter and some rubber bandy tricks he stops them. As he's chatting with the cops after his collar, one of the cops answer the APB-it's Ralphs wife!

Sue: "Ralph! Come home....quickly! I-...I-*scream*

Ralph rushes home to find his wife-DEAD ON THE FLOOR! Assuming the Heston pose (knees on the floor, screaming to god) Ralph asks WHY?!!!!!

But wait! He detects the faintest stylings of...a pulse! Sue is not dead, but in a shock-induced coma. He rushes her to the Justice League cave, where the Flash and Green Lantern just happen to be hanging out playing a game of Superspeed/Ring Powered tennis. A mystery is afoot!

(Insert ad for various gags and a cheap DC subscription service right about here, plus a lettercolumn of folks gushing over Superman and the Flash's last race).

Naturally, the rest of the Justice League is called in. Clark fakes having food poisoning from one of the sandwiches Lois made him, while they are at the Metropolis Museum, where the mysterious Eclypso jewel has gone missing. As Lois wonders why Clark can't be as strong as Superman, he escapes into a broom closet and flies off. Aquaman finishes saving some fish from a shark and swims towards the cave. Wonder Woman just happens to be tooling around on her invisible plane thinking about current storylines (* see current issues of Wonder Woman for details!), so she arrives too. The Atom finishes doing something overly science-y, as Jean laments in the background that he doesn't pay any attention to her anymore since she got back from Metropolis, and arrives through the phone lines.

The Justice League go over Ralph's apartment with a fine-tooth comb-literally in Green Lantern's case! They find nothing-it's utterly perplexing! That is, until suddenly, MONSTERS appear! That's right, MONSTERS! Seemingly appearing out of thin air, the Justice League seem to be in trouble until they realize that the monsters are fakes. Made out of Space Age Materials to seem ultra-realistic, they're nothing but a distraction.

But, how did the monsters appear? Finally, the Atom figures it out. *GULP* It was...HIS technology! You see, although no one found it odd at the time, the PHONE was off the hook! That means that someone using the Atom's special suit technology (insert flashback with Atom origin here) invaded the Dibney's home and attacked Sue.

Superman thrusts a finger in the air. "And I have a feeling I know...who!"

(Insert blurb here-"Have YOU figured it out, reader? Are you as savvy as Superman? Read on and find out!")

That's right, they all arrive-at the Atom's lab, where Jean Loring is waiting-transformed into that rogue, Eclypso! It turns out that the demon in the jewel has been waiting for a long time for revenge on the Justice League, and this was the perfect way to lure them all into a trap! All of the fake monsters, Eclypso explains, were also stolen from the museum, after Eclypso used it's influence to cause Jean (The Atom's Wife) Loring to steal it!

"And now, Justice League....YOU DIE!"

The League battles Eclypso and several 'eclypsed' students that the League can't fight for fear of harming innocents. It is Ralph Dibney who finally saves the day, by tripping Eclypso as she tries to make her escape-separating the jewel from Jean Loring!

"Oooh, my head? What happened? The last thing I remember is being...in Metropolis...."

Jean is none the worse for the wear, though she has a headache. The Eclypsed students go back to normal. Superman seals the Eclypso jewel up in the Fortress of Solitude for safety.

And Sue? Sue wakes up the next day with Ralph by her side.

No laughing at a bad pun?

"Tales to Confuse presents House of M!" The cover would be a large Magneto with his hand over New York City with all the mutant citizens in it. The caption would be "A World Full Of Mutants?! What has Magneto, the Monarch of Magnetism, done to pull off this perilous provocation?"

I miss Jolly Jack...

That whole deal where Spider-Man thinks he's now the next in line of an animal totem? Well Spidey thinks that for maybe about ten issues as merely a subplot because he has to worry about what's going on with all his pals at Empire State University, Aunt May is sick (yet again!), and there's a whole mobwar going on because that sort of thing happens all the time in silver age Spidey stories. When Spidey finally gets around to figuring out whether or not this is true we learn that is was actually all a plan by both Mysterio and the Jackyl in an effort to drive Spidey mad!

I owe this this thread lots, but here's a quick one.

Sandman: 24 Hours becomes House of Unpleasantness: Dare you eat at the Diner of Death?