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 Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 8:17 pm
well, after i read the rules and stuff i saw that i can get pointers on my poetry here, and i thought, well.. why not? i love to have people helping me [ wow, that sounds needy ] and most of all i like to write. c: don't read this and think 'ew, she doesn't capitalize her eyes'. that's because i have a crappy keyboard and it's difficult.
Down the Rabbit Holesong
And the Cheshire cat is smiling at me,
I'm so happy now that I can hardly see,
As I fall straight down endlessly.
Don't try to catch me at all,
I don't think anything can soften this fall
Chorus:
Down I go spinning like a toy,
falling deep into this blackened void,
it'll keep on going till I’m completely destroyed.
But don't you fret, no please don't fear,
I’ll never forget, that you were, never here,
I curl up so close, I crawl so near,
to the ghost of a voice that whisper's in my ear.
it sings, don't look now, don't run so fast,
Your gonna break me beyond the looking glass.
The twins are fighting my minds war;
it's never been like this, never before.
I came to have a look in your mind,
to see if you were on my side."
"I can't go on, no I can't give up,
I've gotta live strong, but not in this rut.
That I’ve fallen deep into,
I'll run as far as I can from you."
Chorus:
"Down I go spinning like a toy,
falling deep into this blackened void,
it'll keep on going till I’m completely destroyed.
But don't you fret, no please don't fear,
I’ll never forget, that you were, never here,
I curl up so close, I crawl so near,
To the ghost of a voice that whispers in my ear.
It sings, don't look now, don't run so fast,
Your gonna break me beyond the looking glass."
"The caterpillar is smoking away,
But I can't remember that damned day,
that I ran so far away,
There's no place now for me to stay.
I can see it now, so clean and so clear,
But the words I scream fall upon deaf ears,
I need to get away from here,
their coming now, their getting near."
"To the hiding place, in the back of my mind,
I don't want you to see me, I don't want you to find,
The dirty secrets that I, try to hide."
Chorus:
"Down I go spinning like a toy,
falling deep into this blackened void,
it'll keep on going till I’m completely destroyed.
But don't you fret, no please don't fear,
I’ll never forget, that you were, never here,
I curl up so close, I crawl so near,
To the ghost of a voice that whispers in my ear.
It sings, don't look now, don't run so fast,
Your gonna break me beyond the looking glass."
"I tried so hard, but I know it won't last,
This journey I took, beyond the, looking glass."
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Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 8:18 pm
I. Himpoetry
There were kaleidoscopes hues on
the broken windshield and
I was lost in the display:
eyes saucer wide that lost their
spoon a long time ago,
watching the movie flick
in those fiber fragments.
Images of my shaky hands
clung onto a chap's trousers
and skin shavings littered the dashboard.
I'd rather cry my eyes out at the image
of Christ being whipped with a barbed
scourge in the Mel Gibson's Passion then
see my husband's brain scatters on
the hood of the vehicle.
"Jesus is a regret that doesn't--"
give any justice with my mind stuck
on that last cheeky comment and limbo.
Distant ringing began long after the
cracked webbing frame swallowed
my husband's convulsing body.
( He smelled like cockroaches
and McDonald's recycled grease ).
His skin was clammy in my grasp,
but even with my mind was still stuck
back in motion picture land,
the credits to his life had already rolled.
Pasted on the cracked window,
my Xerox color-copy counterpart kept
gazing in anticipation for a sequel
to ruin the blockbuster hit of
the evening.
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Posted: Thu Dec 27, 2007 8:19 pm
Your seasons equal decadespoetry
Cotton covered arms the way sunlight
coated grass in summer;
winter pressed cheeks to cherry lemonade:
we were cold, the wind chill
licking like a starved kitten
at our lips.
The chapstick that gummed to the insides
of our pockets was alone, away from
the warmth of our flesh;
we decided so as tongues
and aloe vera on the sides of the street
were Mother Nature's own moisturizing lip treatment
for sale.
Snow wasn't like the malice-filled
frozen rain of yesteryear, no,
it stood on the outer fringe
of reality, like a mother (stalker)
watching a child
from the door frame (window).
I laughed when you said
the cotton
was really polyester.
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Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2007 5:21 pm
I read the first song that you wrote. I thought it was pretty good, the only thing that I thought didn't fit was the mention of 'twins' in one of the verses. Good job though smile
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Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2007 6:33 pm
Oh; the twins are like.. Beedle-dee and Beedle-dum? Somethign like that. c:
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Posted: Mon Dec 31, 2007 10:05 pm
I like these. They're interesting, thought-provoking. Does just what poetry ought to.
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Posted: Thu Jan 03, 2008 12:08 am
You're very good and I enjoyed reading the first song the most.I'm actually quite critical with others work (including mine so don't say anything) but yours are very well thought out and put together and I really liked them.By the way (I have ALOT of little kids in family) the twins names are tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum
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Posted: Thu Jan 03, 2008 9:24 am
thank you everyone so much!
:3
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