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 Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 8:13 pm
Well, back in um...september I think it was, I got this amazing idea to write a book on dragons ((how cool is that xd )) and here's the first chapter (introduction/prologue). I only have one other part typed up on the computer and I might not get to writing any other chapters any time soon. so read what I have and enjoy!
I love comments so tell me what you think blaugh
I like when people tell me what they think needs improving so that I can make everything better. So don't hesitate to tell me what you think.
Have any questions about it? don't hesitate to ask either.
Oh...
you wanted to read my story....
sorry....
okay....
here you go....
....
Yes, I'm stalling....
right....
okay....
DaDaDaDa!!! *drum roll*
....
Story time!!!!!!
Yay!!!!!
Okay, okay.....
I'll stop stalling.....
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......
....
.
Tell me what you think......
....
Fine!
here's your story!
(You're pretty impatient....)
(This is a little girl speaking. what I am showing you is only a rough draft and is going to be full of mistakes.)
We live in dark times right now or so, at least my mama told me. she said that we have to go into hiding because there was an evil man who would hurt us without a second thought. We have to go to the forest for a little while and wait, she said. We have to be careful and stay in the forest because that is our safe place. I am frightened. People are telling me to be brave, to not be afraid, but that is a hard thing to do. I try but still I am scared. My brother tries to be brave for me, but I can tell that he's scared too. His thoughts are all confused. He does not understand what's happening either. I want to comfort him but I don not know what to say.
Mama says that it's a good thing we live so close to the forest, otherwise we would be in trouble. She says that the bad man wants to keep us from going to the forest. We walked for a long long time. I got really tired. My brother tried not to cry. I tell him that it's going to be okay, but really, I don't know anything.
I see the trees in the distance and so does everyone else. I hear people give a small sigh of relief, but they don't slow down. My feet hurt and I want to stop but Mama says we must keep walking. I must be brave.
There are people waiting at the edge of the forest. They are just like the people I am traveling with. They beckon silently and we follow. Mama tells me we're almost there, and to be as quiet as possible. I try, but sometimes I would step on a stick and it would break. The people we were following lead us to a hidden village. We are safe here, Mama says. I look at my brother and tell him in my head, I want to go home. He tells me in his head he wants to go home too.
The people of the village come out to show us where we would be staying until we could go home. The forest was strange. The trees were really, really, really big and it was darker here than my old home.
The people here lived inside the trees. Mama said that they burned out the inside of the tree, that's how there's a big hole in it. They used the bark from the tree to create a door. When the door was closed, it didn't look like there was a big hole in it, it looked like a normal tree.
We stayed there for a long, long time. At first I cried alot and said I wanted to go home. Mama cried too, but only when it was time to sleep. She thought I wasn't awake, but I heard her. It made me cry too.
Slowly, I got used to my new home. I stopped crying and started to like it. The people who lived here were just like the people who used to live in the village I lived in. But sometimes the people who lived here could be scary. They didn't make any sound when they walked. That scared me. But I wanted to know how to do it. Mama could do it too. Yo have to know how if you grow up in the forest, she said. She started showing Rori and me how to be silent like the people who lived here. She said that I have to keep most of my feet off the ground, that I have to stand on the balls of my feet. It was hard. She said to step lightly. I tried. I couldn't do it and started crying. My brother was having trouble too, but only at first. When he learned, he made it look so easy. I tried again, and I couldn't do it. No, Rori said in his head, like this. And he showed me how. Mama said we must stick together in case anything happened. She looked worried and tired. I tried to make her feel better and gave her a hug. she sighed. I think I made her feel better.
I didn't cry at night anymore, but I think Mama still did sometimes. After we had stayed in the hidden village for a while, another person came to the village. They said they had a message for the village leader. They went into a tree for a while and then the leader came back out. She looked sad and tired. I wanted to give her a hug but I stayed with Mama instead.
The people waited for her to speak. Everyone looked unhappy. You can never go back to your village again, the leader said, They're enslaving those of us who didn't leave in time, I'm sorry.
Everyone from my village started making funny highpitched wailing noises. Mama says it's called keening. I started crying too. I didn't know what was going on. I was frightened. I saw Mama crying, but she was quiet. She didn't keen like the rest of the village. That night, I couldn't sleep. Rori, I said to him in my head, Why was everyone crying?
I don't know, he said in his head. It was scary.
Mama came over to us and we stared up at her. Nina, she said, Rori, I don't think we're going back. Not for a long, long time.
It scared me. Not go home? I started to cry, but stopped to hear what Mama was going to say. In the meantime, she said, You're going to have to learn to defend yourselves, You're going to have to learn to fight...
(Note: When Nina ays she's talking to her brother in her head, she means that she is talking to her brother through a telepathic connection she shares with him. Being only six in the introduction, she doesn't know that that's what it's called. All she knows is that the can speak to him in her mind.)
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Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 8:21 pm
Dragon Whisperers: 10 years later
This takes place 10 years after the prologue of my story.
Readers, meet Prince Jonathan.
Prince Jonathan, meet readers.
Say hello everyone!
good! now that you've introduced yourselves, on with the story!
Don't worry, I'm not going to stall this time!
*sees Jonathan trying to sneak away* Hey! Get back here! *drags him back* Get back to your spot! *pushes him back*
@readers: sorry! He doesn't really want to be doing this right now. It's past his bed time sweatdrop
On with the story!!!
Jonathan hated being confined within the grounds of the castle, but the king had commanded it and so it would be. No one dared disobey his rule, for all he had to do was look in a person's eyes and mutter a string of magical words and they were dead.
He remembered what the king had told him, that he saw a potential for magic in him. This was years ago, but still, he remembered it. The king had tried to train him in the evil arts, the Dark Craft, but had failed miserably. Jon had a talent for magic, but what the king didn't know was that it was for the Light. All the king knew was that Jon was a threat and should be confined to some extent. If his mother hadn't pleaded to keep him alive, and even let him be allowed to roam the castle and its grounds, he would be dead. The king was also afraid that Jon would find someone to train the magic that Jon held in his core. If that happened, he'd be doomed, Jon thought. I would go up to him and take the throne from him in an instant. I'd die killing him if that's what I have to do.
Jon wandered restlessly through the halls, the stone of the castle walls keeping the heat of the summer out. He walked over to a window and looked out. In front of him were the Royal Gardens. They were beautiful; tended to by the Royal Gardeners who stayed at the castle for one reason-His Mother. His mother wasn't as strong as him and his sisters and had to hold onto whatever she could. Jon and his sister were one thing she clung to; the gardens were the other. There was almost any type of flower a person could dream of, from the common white daisy to the rare black rose.
One of the Gardeners was out there tending to the flowers right now. An older man who called himself Tom; he had snow white hair and piercing blue eyes. It was, he always said to Jon, love that made the garden grow. But love was scarce in times like these and was badly needed, so, Tom stayed for the Queen and the gardens.
Love is scarce alright; he thought wryly as two of the king’s guards came strolling down the walk snickering rudely. They saw Tom and started pointing and teasing the old man. The words drifted towards the window where Jon stood, watching.
“Caring for your wittle flowers again, are you old man?” Said one in a voice one would use with a small child.
“His precious flowers. It’s too bad they’re so delicate, isn’t it?” the other said and they both cracked up. Suddenly, they pushed the old man aside and started kicking them, their only thought to cause him some grief. Tom stared on in shock; he couldn’t do anything. They were the king’s guards; he could get killed for opposing them.
“By Helias, this has got to stop” Jon muttered to himself. Helias was the God of the Sun and of Justice. And Justice would be served. Jonathan jumped up onto the window ledge and hopped down to the ground. Luckily, he was on the first story of the castle and there was no drop. An angry fire burned in the prince’s golden eyes as he walked up to the guards.
“Halt” he commanded angrily, but the guards continued to ruin the flowers that the Royal Gardeners had taken so much time to care for.
“I said stop”
The guards looked at him with sneers on their faces. “And who are you to tell us what to do…little prince” one said mockingly.
Jon gave them a dangerous look. “You just said so yourself. I’m a prince, and I said stop”
“Great going, Jeb” the other guard said sarcastically.
“Well sorry, Brad” Jeb replied, just as sarcastically.
“Leave. Now.” Jonathan ordered. He stepped forward trying to look like he meant business, but how could he? He was only eighteen for Gods sake; he’d never been to war, but he knew how to wield a sword and shoot an arrow. That should count for something.
Jeb made a snorting noise. “Brat’s got attitude.”
But Brad was looking at the prince, suddenly nervous. “Come on, Jeb. This isn’t fun anymore. We should just leave. He could go whining to his mommy and she’d probably go to the king. We’d be in trouble.”
“You’re probably right. Let’s go” Jeb and Brad shuffled off, but not without a backwards glance at Jon. Their faces were filled with sneers of hatred. Jon gave them a hard look and watched them as they turned a corner and vanished from view.
When they were gone, he knelt beside the old man. “I’m sorry, Tom. They were very rude. They ruined the flowers you worked so hard to tend to.”
He looked at the section of the garden Jeb and Brad had ruined. The beauty had not been diminished-not fully anyways. The golden petals of one plant mingled with the red petals of another; there was some blue and even some green of the crushed leaves and stems. The air smelled fresh and sweet, the scent was a mix of the flowers and the earth.
He picked up a wilted flower and looked at it sadly.
“That’s okay, Prince Jonathan. They will grow once again. Its love that makes the garden grow and that’s all I can give it. Love and care. But thank you for being concerned. Not many people are willing to help an old man, these days…”
“It’s the least I could do” Jon said wryly. It was probably all he could do at most. The guards barely listened to him-the king’s guards at least. “The gardens are beautiful. It’s one of the things that keeps my mother from total depression. Ever since my father died, she’s taken whatever comfort she can from the gardens.”
Tom sighed. “Your father was a good man and an excellent king. May Aurora watch over him” he said. Aurora was the Moon Goddess. She watched over the souls of the departed and the night. Her magic grew stronger and weaker with the waxing and the waning of the moon. There was one night a month she was powerless, though. That’s when there is a new moon.
“You look just like him, except you have your mother’s eyes. He was a strong believer in the Tales, but you knew that didn’t you?” Tom continued.
Jon nodded. “But I don’t believe in them. It happened thousands of years ago. How do you know if there’s any truth to them anyways?”
“Every legend has a grain of truth” Tom said wisely. “That’s why I believe. I believe that we will be saved by those that ride dragons like we were thousands of years ago.”
Jon tried his hardest not to roll his eyes and succeeded. “Dragons don’t exist”
Tom ignored the comment, but looked at the prince sadly before continuing. “It is said they left the land without warning, but told a prophecy before doing so.” He wasn’t exactly talking to the prince anymore, but quoting from the Tales. His mind is wandering, Jon thought. I might as well stay and listen. I don’t have anything better to do.
“The prophecy went like this. If a time of darkness strikes again, four will arise, similarly marked. They will be of different races and status. They will be able to hear dragons and it is up to them to cleanse the land.”
Though Jonathan still doubted the old man, he glanced at the back of his right hand. Though he couldn’t see it-his hands were covered in black, fingerless gloves-he knew it was there. For as long as he could remember, he had had a weirdly shaped birthmark on the back of his right hand. It looked like a candle flame; the tip of it curling into a spiral off to the left. He wondered briefly if anyone else had the same mark as him, but quickly got rid of it. There was no time in this world for fanciful thoughts. It was a dangerous place and there was no room for dreaming about fairy tales.
Tom saw him glance towards his hand and cut his speech short. “Think about it, Prince Jonathan. Maybe your beliefs will change. You’ll see”
The old man got up and walked away, leaving the prince mystified.
~To be continued...~
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Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 4:39 am
I think its good but ive already told you what you can improve on razz I have given my critique and... I HAVE SPOKEN!
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