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Raykour

PostPosted: Wed Aug 17, 2005 6:25 am


I thought I'd sum up the courage and post a few of my works, starting with poetry and maybe showing a story or something later on. Fair warning however: The majority of my works aren't very 'uplifting', 'joyous', ect. However, all my stories do have a happy ending, even if it doesn't seem like it. sweatdrop

Crimson Moon
Secrets lie behind the line
Silk woven fine
Lights flicker and flare
No one giving a care.

Red crescent moon
Reaches high very soon
Cast crimson shadows upon face
And into maroon laces.

Situations, deepen into night
All dance among the light
Cloth spins as they twirl
Capes long enough start to swirl
As they celebrate
Dancing under the waning moon.
PostPosted: Wed Aug 17, 2005 7:16 am


Thanks for the warning, but it doesn't matter much if you don't write about fluffy white bunnies playing in sunny fields. We'll deal with it. I'm not big into poetry so my comments on your poem are disregardible (which I don't think is a word...). I just wanted to encourage you to post a story or two. If I have time I'd love to read them.

Navenna


Raykour

PostPosted: Wed Aug 17, 2005 8:27 am


Quote:
Thanks for the warning, but it doesn't matter much if you don't write about fluffy white bunnies playing in sunny fields. We'll deal with it. I'm not big into poetry so my comments on your poem are disregardible (which I don't think is a word...). I just wanted to encourage you to post a story or two. If I have time I'd love to read them.


Perfectly fine! And even if disregardible isn't a real word, at least I knew what you meant lol . I'll post the first chapter of my Fantasy novel after this.
PostPosted: Wed Aug 17, 2005 8:43 am


(PG-13 for language and mention of blood. There might be a few mistakes because although I've edited it twice, it is easy for me to miss something, especially in grammer)

Reaver

Chapter One
Conversation Wastes Time


The conversation wore on within the dark chamber. Time wasn't an issue but if it was anyone's guess, the arguments and planning must have been going on for roughly two days now. Not once did someone stop to sleep; everything just kept on going. But sleep to them was like land to fish: not necessary. They didn't have to eat, drink, and pause for rest or even breathe for a certain amount of time. Such things have been labeled 'unnecessary' by their standards. As for us, we hung back in the shadows of each corner. The room was set up like a hexagon, a single guard standing in each corner. Every one of them was different, but at first glance they all seemed alike as they stood in the shadows robed in jet black. Each guard came with its own Lord, its own Master as we have come to word it. I was one of the guards, slaves or even puppets depending on their word of choice; the conversation-taking place in the middle of the room was none of my business so I concentrated on the other figures. A normal being would have great difficulty looking at the other robed men in the dim candlelight and windowless room but we weren't normal.

A few of them shifted around nervously and I made eye contact with one of them. And as soon as that happened, their head whipped downwards to face the floor and my senses caught the faintest whiff of fear and nervousness. I tried hard to suppress a grin of satisfaction.

I held a high rank among the servants, but compared to those things that we served, we were nothing. The blades of which they wielded gripped a higher sense of rank compared to us. I was forbidden to kill without permission, I was forbidden to speak without permission, I was forbidden to grin, smile, laugh, cry or anything similar to that. Emotions would only get in the way and weren't required of them. We have been told what would happen to us if we were to go against and break one of these rules. But I, on the other hand, have seen what could happen. I don't like going into detail, takes to long. So let me simplify in a manner the simplest of beings could understand: it took exactly three hours to find every piece that was left of him after his insides erupted and caused him to scatter like confetti.

Vearakai.

That is what they're called, that is half of what we are. I glanced over at the group of Masters to make sure that they weren't finished with there long conversation. I did not want to get caught looking around at the other guards, not a good thing to be doing. Considering the brutal punishment that would come, and many have been killed or killed themselves during the punishments. I think I've experienced at least three. And let me tell you, they get worse and worse as time goes on. The reason is that to them, we should of known better as experience teaches us these valuable little lessons. My arms are practically wrapped in scars.

Although the experimentations can alter the appearance of oneself, I believe that I retained the same appearance with little change. But I have neither image nor recollection of what I looked like before I became a "Half-Breed". My hair is short, just barely hanging above my shoulders. It is of a dark sand color, brownish "blonde" if I'm using the correct human term. The tips of my banes were dark brown, nearly black and usually went unnoticed. The only marking on my face was a black needle going from my bottom right eye to just above the jaw line. Now, back to the Vearakai.

Vearakai look human with just a few out-of-the-ordinary features. Each one had a single ice blue eye while the other was a made of a pitch-black iris. The really powerful ones had a single violet eye and the other black. They were all decked out in black robes that swept and twirled around their ankles, although a few glided in shredded tatters at the end.

Their symbol was of a single eye that varied color. It was made of two lines; one started from the top left corner, sloped down and came back up on the other side. The other line started from the bottom left, made an arch at the top and came back down on the other side. Inside the huge gab between the two lines was a circle with a dash coming out of it. Each Master wore the symbol on the hood of their capes but it varied between colors. The Master whom I served was of red lines with a blue center. I?ve seen other colors: neon blue, neon orange, pure white, blood red and more. The only rule to the color was that it must be light enough to see against the black fabric and not already taken. But I was told that the overall High Master wore a multi-colored eye on his robes. Of course only a few of the highest-ranking Masters have ever met him.

There have been rare occurrences when the Eye of the Vearakai showed up on their foreheads, made entirely out of power. This only happened with the highly powerful and deadly Vearakai, and it almost never happens with a Half-Breed.

That brings us why you should not mess with any Vearakai: mind powers. The Vearakai specialized in the powers of the mind to such a level that it is completely absurd. Like, oh say you could grab someones heart mentally and squeeze it so that it explodes from the inside out. That is why it took three days to find every single piece of that one guy when he burst outward. Moving on, because the mind powers cannot always be used, physical strength comes into play. A Vearakai can be deadly strong, I've seen many creatures get punched right in the forehead and their skulls get bashed in. No they are not so strong that they could punch a towering building and it suddenly crumbles into dust, no such power is in existence. At least I hope not, I shudder at the thought of a Vearakai having that sort of ability.

But why are we serving them if they are so strong? Before, we were merely experiments for their own amusement. We were captured randomly and tested on, lab rats to them. I can scarcely remember the torture from back then, the loss of blood and confusion had drained my memory drastically. They drain a good deal of blood from you and replace it with their own from fallen or sacrificed comrades. Many died during this, as they were expected to. But the few that did survive drew a lot of attention. Picked out as if we were dogs in a pound by the Masters.

Of course, we couldn't tell with the thick blindfold that was over our eyes. The reason was because of a chemical that was injected into us, it went straight up to our eyes and burned them severely. When the blindfolds were removed, I'm guessing about a week or two after a Master chose one of us; our eyes had changed colors. Depending on the color of the eye that's how powerful that being could become. I mentioned earlier that the really powerful full-breed Vearakai had a single purple iris. Both of my eyes were a hard shade of violet.

We were now half-Vearakai, gifted with the same powers as them but not to their full extent. But even though we had these powers some things took a lot of getting used to. Like eating, we no longer needed to eat except a small meal every two weeks, in other words every single one of us was pretty much skin and bones. I glanced down at one of my hands, although hidden beneath by the black leather glove I knew that it looked more like a skeletal hand then anything else; the skin pale in contract to the dark clothing. We weren't albino if that's what you're thinking; it's just that everything below the elbow was chalk white, or close to it with a few black veins here and there. Anything above was a semi-normal tone, whatever normal might be.

And as for water, damn was I thirsty. We still need water but not a lot, we could go for a week without it, no problem. But I haven't had anything to drink for at least three weeks and my throat felt like sand.

There was suddenly a sharp crack and every guard looked up, the discussion had ended and each of our Masters approached us. Master Jean, whom I served, looked like he was using a great deal of concentration to keep himself from destroying everything in sight. He made a motion with his hand as he passed me and I followed expectedly. He was taller then me by at least a good three to four inches; even though I stood at least 5'8". We headed out of a door that suddenly appeared and continued down a damp hallway to Jean's part of the kingdom.

Everything was underground and each Master had their own large set of underground chambers. Because Jean was a very high-ranking Master, his was one of the largest. Water dripped from the ceiling as we descended down a large staircase. Luckily as chilly as it was, no ice formed on the ground or walls. A very good reason as to why we wore thick loose pants, thick long-sleeved shirts, leather boots, leather gloves and a robe over everything. For once we were glad that we were half-Vearakai; the clothing alone was at least a hundred pounds. If you add the belts, buckles and weapons your looking around two hundred pounds or more.

"Those fools couldn't solve their own problems so they had to ask us. Ask us to do it for them, three whole blasted bloody days standing there while we repeat the same things over and over again." Jean said loudly, his voice blunt. He glanced back to look at me out of the corner of his eye. "Tell me Reaver, what did you think of the other guards though? I?ll permit you to use names."

"Most of them were pathetic; corpses could serve better purposes then them. In my opinion Lord Jean, only Lushkraar, Makinor's guard; could have slain something in under a minute. Although things aren't what they always appear to be, so it is not my place to say which of the few would make a formidable slayer." I kept my head slightly bowed and voice lower then Jean's. I could feel him smirk.

I had been sent out on dangerous missions in the past to retrieve either information or forbidden items that they sought so dearly but failed to get. I would return with exactly what Jean wanted in less then a day, something that would have been suicidal for anyone else besides Jean and the other high and mighty Masters.

"I received the same impression, although Makinor was getting on my nerves for he wanted to challenge Lushkraar against you in a fight to the death. I found that pointless." He paused before continuing. "And good job, you did not address Makinor as Lord or Master like you have in the past." He chuckled in a way that made my nerves shake. Because I was not working for anyone else besides Jean, I was not allowed to address anyone else as Lord. That was Jean's main rule, and I recently discovered that he was the only one who used it. I also had the high privilege of just saying 'Lord Jean' rather then having to say 'My Lord and Master.'

"Reaver, I have a job for you in a few hours. You are not to tell anyone about it. You are not to say where you're going, what you're doing and why you have to do it. That information does not need to escape these walls, understood?" He said sharply.

"Of course Lord Jean, nothing more and nothing less." I responded and he nodded in satisfaction. When we reached the end of the staircase we were met by a four-way passage. Jean went down the far right passage and I turned to the second left hallway, knowing that the portal to the surface was at the far end. When my time to depart would come, Jean would mentally tell me what I needed to do. It was only a matter of time now.

Raykour


FieryKnife

PostPosted: Wed Aug 17, 2005 10:25 pm


Ok, I'm going to comment on your poetry first, because it'll take me a while to read and critique a short story(I'm a slow reader) at 1:00 in the morning. I might do both tonight anyway, though. xd

I thought Crimson Moon was done very well. Your descriptions were lyrical, simple, and pieced together nicely. It reminded me of an anime/manga called Wolf's Rain(just to bring out the nerd in me). I won't to into detail.

I do have one question, though. Why do you have it set up with two four-lined stanzas with one six-lined stanza? It's not important, but maybe that last stanza could be broken up into two separate ones in order to make it less irregular in structure, and provide more description of the scene. It was really just a thought, and I don't think the poem will suffer if you change nothing.

I do love your poems--post them all, if you like! I like reading them.
PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 5:30 pm


First off, thanks for your comment and I've seen Wolf's Rain. Very good. 3nodding Second, as for the whole stanza thing, I just write them the way I want. I don't look at stanza's, number of words or anything like that. The only thing I look for is if it flows and if I want it to rhyme, the rhyme scheme is consistent.

Hm...so say, two new poems, lol.

Reaver (based on novel)
I curse the sky
For its never ending lies
Blaming them for what has been done
For what I have become.

My memory shattered
My soul battered
My mind has fallen into dark
As I bore this mark
A mark of a bloodied scar.

Left alone for the rest of my years
Having to face my hollow fears
I don't know why I've done these things
All the goodness has flown on broken wings.

My only companion is the stormy skies
And the black bird that flies
With a freedom that used to be mine
But it died as I crossed the line
A boundary set by my mind.

My insides tightened
My heart frightened
My body crumbles
As I continue to stumble
Among the swirling black sand.

Alone for the rest of my life
As my fears continue to strife
Not responsible for my decisions
Broken wings obscure my vision.


Teller Of Tales
Oh spin me a tale
My good enemy O'mine
As we drink a cup of wine
A tale that could sail.

Tell me a story of magic and war
One full of mystery and betrayal
Where victories are joined with ale
Where birds don't fly but soar.

Oh tell me a tale
Full of gypsies and kings
One full of peasants who sing
But make it different, make the hero fail.

Then I will tell my own tale
One of songs
One of gongs (ring ring)
Full of drums
And rivers of rum (that would last forever)
Before the sun rises.

Raykour


FieryKnife

PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 11:34 pm


I read the story and the poems and I found them all wonderful. I liked Reaver. It looks very well thought out; the world is being set up nicely, with its residents and society and culture. I'm definitely interested in what happens next, and curious for more about the world. Not only that, I like how you're using first-person POV instead of third. biggrin

Of your two poems, I especially liked Teller of Tales, even though I loved both. I liked the rhyming scheme-never thought about doing it like that. I liked that the poem Reaver outlined the main character's thoughts.

Yay! Another Wolf's Rain fan! And here I was thinking I was the only one...I've heard quite a bit of trash talked about it. sad Who's your favorite character?
PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 7:57 pm


THANKS! Much appreciated. And actually, Reaver is completed but around 41 chapters long. However...only about 6 or 7 chapters are actually edited, lol. Teller Of Tales was fun to write, 4laugh

Hm...favorite character...I always kind of liked Blue and Toboe (I hope I spelt that right). I'm not a big fan of the anime, but I'll watch it. I'm more of an InuYasha, Yu Yu Hakusho & Rurouni Kenshin fan. biggrin (plus 3 or 4 mangas).

Now lets see if I can dig up another poem, ah! Here, I'll post my very very first poem I ever wrote:

The Message
Release the dragon within the soul
Release the phoenix within its hold
Send the unicorn down the passage
In it's holding it holds the message.

Raykour


FieryKnife

PostPosted: Sat Aug 20, 2005 12:51 pm


So you're a fan of the manga? The anime's more extensive and there's many differences between them. But, they have some of the same key points. I'm a fan of those too. I've been keeping track of Inuyasha, Rurouni Kenshin, and Yu Yu Hakusho for a while. Sadly, I can only keep track with Cartoon Network's anime showings... crying

I liked The Message. It's short but sweet and I like the message.
PostPosted: Sat Aug 20, 2005 1:37 pm


No, not the WR manga, but other manga's in general. I like Demon Diary, Dragon Knights and GetBackers (along with the anime). Unfortunately for me, Rurouni Kenshin & YYH are no longer on cartoon network. Luckily I've seen up to episode 99 of YYH and the last episode (#113 I think...). Do you like DN Angel?

Raykour


Raykour

PostPosted: Sun Aug 21, 2005 7:46 pm


If anyone is interested in reading some more of my novel, just post saying so and I can upload the chapters that have been edited. biggrin
PostPosted: Wed Aug 24, 2005 12:45 pm


*smacks herself* So you have seen the anime then?

Yeah, I'm kinda upset that they're off Cartoon Network too. I didn't see how the conclusion of Yusuke's battle with....uh...er...I forgot the name of him, it's been so long!!!! I'll think of it later. >.<

I haven't read Demon Diary, Dragon Knights or GetBackers, but I am curious about them. I'm not in much of a state to buy my own manga. I mooch off friends. wink

Though I have read DNAngel!(mooched it). I'm somewhere around to Volume 5 or 6, after Daisuke met Krad. Love it! Daisuke and Satoshi are just too funny sometimes.

And yes, please post more of your novel! I'm enjoying it.

FieryKnife


Raykour

PostPosted: Sun Aug 28, 2005 10:34 am


[ Message temporarily off-line ]
PostPosted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 8:21 pm


I can't read the entire thing now, but I just wanted to let you know I'm loving it. biggrin The Vearakai are awesome-total powerhouses! Yaaay!

FieryKnife


Raykour

PostPosted: Fri Sep 02, 2005 3:31 pm


rofl
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