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What do you find most frustrating about yourself? What do you keep trying to change and consistently fail at?

I have a lot of trouble maintaining promises I make to myself. I'll say I'm going to do this or that, and the next thing I know, I've spent the last four hours on the computer, and I have to go to bed. No willpower whatsoever. Last night I bought the umpteenth pack of cigarettes I promised I wouldn't buy, too.

There's also the fact that I feel like I have no confidence, and people view me as much younger than I actually am.

It's kind of hard to admit these things, but it's a good start to fixing them. I'm thinking this thread could be a good place to let those things out and keep track of what we're doing about them. It's going to take a fair amount of spine to post on here, but hey, it's just the internet, right?

Do you mean aryan? I'm not sure what a typical aryan is at all.

lols

Today is not a good day for me, but it seems to be getting better right now.

I'm crazy shy. I practically have a panic attack every time I do anything close to public speaking. I am working on it though. Grabbing leadership roles if I know what I'm doing and such.
Let's see...I'm terrified of losing control. Not anger management issues, but in life. If I'm the passenger in a vehicle, I freak. I have to be driving. Gentleman: I can open my own doors. I've found it greatly annoys people. It's just little things, but it's terribly noticable.
Two things that don't seem like they should go together. I know.

I totally have those last two. I'm a total control freak. Everything has to be done exactly right, and that means exactly how I do it. I can piss off my coworkers by trying to tell them how to do their job "better." I'm trying to work on that one.

One thing I'm not trying to work on is telling people off when they're messing around in the car. I have a friend who uses her rearview mirror to put on makeup while she's driving. Needless to say, I don't ride with her very much. That's one area where I don't feel I need to be forgiving. You should see me when people try to drive my car! rofl

I can totally see the door-opening thing. It'd really throw off my door-opening routine if somebody ran over and opened it for me. I have a similar complex when I'm training and someone throws me to the ground as part of an exercise. I don't like it when they reach down and give me a hand up. I usually just pretend I didn't notice. I'd rather just get up on my own. I'm neruotically self-reliant about things like that. I think I have issues about showing any type of weakness around people.

I can be really shy, too. But that's usually just when I'm feeling depressed.

for me it's hiding my emotions. i used have major clinical depression when i was little. my parents never knew though. years of practice with hiding emotions. what can i say? when you fake to be so happy just for the sake of others so they won't worry, it's the only way i know. so yeah, i used to be stuck in the hell hole of my life. dad WAS (not anymore) a heavy drinker when i was six. he also smoked constantly, my mom was the only one nice to me, my sisters left me out of everything (not anymore though) so i was a very lonely, depressed child. and now whenever i get sad sometimes, just to make sure no one worries, i put on my fake mask and pretend to be the "happy little goth" my friends know me as. i'm learning to let go of the mask (almost accomplished it XD) but i still hide in my sorrow sometimes. it's the only time my deep thinking can really come into play. now i draw to let out my emotions. (speaking of which i drew more pic's, have to post them sometime)

and also, if i tend to hate i guy i end up falling head over heels for him. right now it's a jock named Chanler. blonde hair, blue eyes, major ego, swim jock, he's 2 grades above me, and he lives a few streets from me. me, my sis and him go walking on the beach sometimes and i keep trying to tell myself i don't like him. probably just a crush, i'll get over it. he keeps hitting on me (which is what makes him a jerk) i know he's jsut joking around. so yeah it's hard for me sometimes XP he's not even my type! i don't know what's wrong with me...... maybe i'm getting sick? XP and as a result i have to cover up my feelings for him too. i'm not sure how i REALLY feel about him though. eh, whatever.

(shorter tems: hates having to hind behind the face that is my mask. i don't even know who i am sometimes.)

I have this anger thing going on.
I get angry at things I shoudln't - mistakes I've made that couldn't be helped - and don't get mad at things I should.
I'd rather not get angry at all, but when it happens, it's horrible and intolerable.

I have horrible anxiety attacks, too.
And mostly about nothing.
"Why'd I get a B? I'm so horrible!"
*cry**cry*
And I get horrible attacks at night, over nothing.
My heart starts racing, my asthma kicks on, I sweat and I shake.
And I can't even figure out what it's about.

Really?
I think stopping would make it worse.
It's a pleasure, and any pleasure - even one's that aren't harmful - should be kept because it's part of who you are.
Though, I don't think coffee could have any horrible psychological effects, other than people believing it'll make them more awake and feeling that way after drinking it because of the thought.

...Wow!
Run-on sentences anyone?