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The Wyre

PostPosted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 3:22 am


No joke.

When I was in Atlanta for the summer, there was this couple who just graduated from high school and got married. I was there for the entire wedding and realized that that was something that I wanted out of life, too.

So now, I'm looking for a husband. I want to get married before I turn 18. (I'm 16 now, by the way.)

Is there any way I can go about doing this?
PostPosted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 4:04 pm


[.Flammable.]
No joke.

When I was in Atlanta for the summer, there was this couple who just graduated from high school and got married. I was there for the entire wedding and realized that that was something that I wanted out of life, too.

So now, I'm looking for a husband. I want to get married before I turn 18. (I'm 16 now, by the way.)

Is there any way I can go about doing this?

Look for a husband: If you don't know anyone particularly, ask for help from your family and friends. Either that, or you can ask someone in a masjid's leadership for help. A nearby Islamic center for example has an annual event where they have speakers and counselors talk to young Muslims who want to get married. It also is an event for those looking for a potential spouse. I don't have to tell you that you need to find someone who is compatable with you, is a good Muslim, and who will love and honor you.

Prepare yourself for life: Finish the bulk of your education. A friend of mine got married before he graduated from college. What complicated things was that where he went to school and where his wife worked were about 100 miles apart. He eventually had to get persmission to transfer to another university during his senior year: a very wise move. Another friend of ine is getting married one month after graduating college. The wedding is coming up soon.

Personally, I plan to get married 2 years from now because I'm only now applying to graduate programs. I'll keep talking about myself to a minimum.

Kimyanji
Vice Captain


The Wyre

PostPosted: Mon Dec 03, 2007 6:08 pm


That's a very nice idea and I do appreciate it. However, I must include one of my objections. The Muslims I used to see every Friday have all become less...geniuine than I thought before. It seems like all the people who join for juma are only there for one reason. To have a fashion show.

Another thing I noticed over the summer. It really didn't seem like anyone was there except to show that they're good Muslims on fridays, but any other days, they act like heathens. How can I make the right choice if I'm beginning to think that the people I meet are hypocrites with no real good intention in their hearts?

Another problem I have is race. It seems like there aren't any people besides my own who would even be remotely intrested in me. I'd rather not be limited to a certain group. How can I break this racial barrier?
PostPosted: Thu Dec 06, 2007 7:30 pm


[.Flammable.]
That's a very nice idea and I do appreciate it. However, I must include one of my objections. The Muslims I used to see every Friday have all become less...geniuine than I thought before. It seems like all the people who join for juma are only there for one reason. To have a fashion show.


Well, it is Jum`ah, and one should wear the best thing they have. However, I believe you agree that this is still a superficial thing.

Quote:
Another thing I noticed over the summer. It really didn't seem like anyone was there except to show that they're good Muslims on fridays, but any other days, they act like heathens. How can I make the right choice if I'm beginning to think that the people I meet are hypocrites with no real good intention in their hearts?


I think that's where searching and investigating kicks in. That's where friends and family can be very helpful. Even if they suggest certain potential husbands, the choice is eventually yours to accept or reject. The idea is, if someone who knows you well and who you know, love, respect, and trust reccommends someone, there might be a bigger chance for a match.

Eventually, it is up to you to know about who you're ending up with before getting married. If you consider someone and find him unsuitable, don't give up and keep looking. There's 1.2+ billion Muslims in the world; in sha'a Allah, you will find someone good for you.

Quote:
Another problem I have is race. It seems like there aren't any people besides my own who would even be remotely intrested in me. I'd rather not be limited to a certain group. How can I break this racial barrier?
Some Muslims have the same preferances as you: not to limit choices based on "race". However, it may be that you're running into those who are not from your "race" and who are interested mainly in their own. In addition, you're also probably running into those who are from your "race" who are also interested mainly in their own race. There are quite a few variables that affect this.

However, I am sure there are a lot of Muslims who think the same way as you do. This is especially true for Muslims who grew up in the US where 2nd and following generations of Muslims share the same primary American culture regardless of national origin or "race".

You have to keep in mind that people of different races might have different cultural experiences, personal preferances, perceptions of beauty, languages, and also prejudices or at least biases.

No one can change their geneology. However, you can learn more about different cultures, wether local or foreign. For example, I don't care about "race" at all. What I care about more is personal compatability, which is sometimes boosted when sharing the same cultural background.

Another very important factor might be demographics. Completely neglecting the preferances mentioned earlier, if your "race" makes up the majority among Muslims in your area, then you will obviously run into the majority (your "race" ) more often.

Most importantly, I am not expert. I'm just giving some advice based on my perspective. My personal experiences in this particualr topic might not be very helpful here, so unless you want me to elaborate more, I'll just stop here.

May Allah grant you a good husband.

Kimyanji
Vice Captain


Maha the Wizard
Captain

PostPosted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 1:18 am


Kimyanji

Quote:
Another problem I have is race. It seems like there aren't any people besides my own who would even be remotely intrested in me. I'd rather not be limited to a certain group. How can I break this racial barrier?
Some Muslims have the same preferances as you: not to limit choices based on "race". However, it may be that you're running into those who are not from your "race" and who are interested mainly in their own. In addition, you're also probably running into those who are from your "race" who are also interested mainly in their own race. There are quite a few variables that affect this.

However, I am sure there are a lot of Muslims who think the same way as you do. This is especially true for Muslims who grew up in the US where 2nd and following generations of Muslims share the same primary American culture regardless of national origin or "race".

You have to keep in mind that people of different races might have different cultural experiences, personal preferances, perceptions of beauty, languages, and also prejudices or at least biases.

No one can change their geneology. However, you can learn more about different cultures, wether local or foreign. For example, I don't care about "race" at all. What I care about more is personal compatability, which is sometimes boosted when sharing the same cultural background.

Another very important factor might be demographics. Completely neglecting the preferances mentioned earlier, if your "race" makes up the majority among Muslims in your area, then you will obviously run into the majority (your "race" ) more often.

Most importantly, I am not expert. I'm just giving some advice based on my perspective. My personal experiences in this particualr topic might not be very helpful here, so unless you want me to elaborate more, I'll just stop here.

May Allah grant you a good husband.


Well put Kimyanji. The short of it is, someone that is willing to judge you by the color of your skin is unworthy of being by your side to begin with. You do not have to worry about your race effecting your ultimate union with your ideal partner, because such a person would never judge you on something so mundane.
PostPosted: Mon Dec 10, 2007 10:46 am


U wana get maried? Whit who? Whit a 11 years old girl? rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl

Zaakii
Crew


spottystripes
Crew

PostPosted: Thu Jan 17, 2008 12:47 pm


hey u guys no that allah already knows who ur gonna marry and he will reveal him or her when allah thinks that ur ready to get married? so all of u's including miself must realise that we should have patience.
PostPosted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 12:59 pm


spottystripes
hey u guys no that allah already knows who ur gonna marry and he will reveal him or her when allah thinks that ur ready to get married? so all of u's including miself must realise that we should have patience.

Ok stripe! Thanks for yor advise smile

Zaakii
Crew


spottystripes
Crew

PostPosted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 3:41 pm


Zaaki
spottystripes
hey u guys no that allah already knows who ur gonna marry and he will reveal him or her when allah thinks that ur ready to get married? so all of u's including miself must realise that we should have patience.

Ok stripe! Thanks for yor advise smile


das cool cool
PostPosted: Wed Mar 26, 2008 5:27 am


[.Flammable.]
No joke.

When I was in Atlanta for the summer, there was this couple who just graduated from high school and got married. I was there for the entire wedding and realized that that was something that I wanted out of life, too.

So now, I'm looking for a husband. I want to get married before I turn 18. (I'm 16 now, by the way.)

Is there any way I can go about doing this?



i think you should first enjoy your youth. your too young and you don't know yet all the responsibilities you have to consider when you have already husband. of course you have to think how can u live and your kids.. sweatdrop

-keisha rayana hanaquil-


_rainarai_

PostPosted: Wed Mar 26, 2008 9:28 am


-keisha rayana hanaquil-
[.Flammable.]
No joke.

When I was in Atlanta for the summer, there was this couple who just graduated from high school and got married. I was there for the entire wedding and realized that that was something that I wanted out of life, too.

So now, I'm looking for a husband. I want to get married before I turn 18. (I'm 16 now, by the way.)

Is there any way I can go about doing this?



i think you should first enjoy your youth. your too young and you don't know yet all the responsibilities you have to consider when you have already husband. of course you have to think how can u live and your kids.. sweatdrop

yes..that's true.. sweatdrop
PostPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 7:51 pm


I wouldn't say that you're too young at all, because the Prophet Muhammad(SAW) told us to get married young, because it helps lower the gaze. Insha'Allah with study and help from your parents you should be able to handle the responsibilities of marriage at 18.
I'm engaged and Insha'Allah I'll be married next year (I'll be 18 going on 19 and my fiancee will be 17 going on 18, but we're very mature for our age and we've already discussed all the important issues [kids, finances, life goals, etc.])

I second what Kimyanji said, although for the race thing I'd also add that if you have any problems with the family letting you marry their son because of race issues, try to remind them that racism is completely against Islam, and that the thing they should be thinking of is your religious piety.

Sound Doxa
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 16, 2008 6:13 am


but those who are young, i mean even if you are around 18 yet you are not that mature to handle the problems of marriage...


so many people around 17 18 19 or even 21 (aprox smile do suicides !!!


what you would say for them??
PostPosted: Mon Jun 16, 2008 9:19 am


tassan
but those who are young, i mean even if you are around 18 yet you are not that mature to handle the problems of marriage...


so many people around 17 18 19 or even 21 (aprox smile do suicides !!!


what you would say for them??


That it is why it is important to have family and community involved, so they can help you with anything that comes up. Chances are someone there has experience with any given problem.

Maha the Wizard
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PostPosted: Mon Jun 16, 2008 9:28 am


Maha the Wizard
tassan
but those who are young, i mean even if you are around 18 yet you are not that mature to handle the problems of marriage...


so many people around 17 18 19 or even 21 (aprox smile do suicides !!!


what you would say for them??


That it is why it is important to have family and community involved, so they can help you with anything that comes up. Chances are someone there has experience with any given problem.


but some times there are personal matters you can not involve your family in it..!!

what about that??


i m not talking about pregnancy issues or if that's girl she should concern her mother or blah blah blah....
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