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 Posted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 11:27 pm
Hello all, please please please don't flame me, I do love constructive critisism though and I welcome it.
K here are some of my works of poetry. please let me know if there are any ways I can improve it.
Forget me-
Forget the good
Forget the bad
Forget us
There is no we.
Now there's just a you.
Now it's just a me.
Nothing ever happened.
You're a stranger now.
I'm a stranger now.
Being friends is implausible- it's too hard.
Oh so now we're foes.
what did I do?
Was it something you did?
Let's stop blaming ourselves.
Let's stop blaming each other.
Don't love me anymore.
Don't hate me anymore.
Forget me.
Now and forever more.
Stop trying, just forget everything.
Forget what happened.
Forget what could have happened.
Let me go.
Loosen your grip so I can run, and never look back.
Let me out of your trap.
Run for your life too.
Run from me as I run from you ,never look back at me.
As I'll never look back at you.
Forget the memories.
Forget the laughter.
Forget the fights.
Forget the tears, and shed no more.
Forget your pain.
Forget your anger.
Forget your heartbreak.
Think not another thought of me.
Take your heart back, I don't want it.
I'll take mine back too.
Walk away from me now.
No more bonds are there to brake.
Leave me here, as I leave you.
This isn't fake.
Start walking away. Forever is just a word, as meaningless as the words once spoken " I love you"
Walk away now.
RUN!
Goodbye.
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Posted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 11:46 pm
Soundless whispers fill the air, terror strikes you cold.
No one cares, for no one's there.
Submissive is the chilling night.
Darkness caves in, steals your sight.
Screaming has no sound or meaning.
No predicted destination, this it's seeming.
Aimless now throughout the night.
Misdirection, strong confusion,
Can it be divine illusion?
No, no it's just me standing over you- your body newly claimed as corpse.
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Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 10:58 am
Slicer90 Hello all, please please please don't flame me, I do love constructive critisism though and I welcome it. K here are some of my works of poetry. please let me know if there are any ways I can improve it. Forget me- Forget the good Forget the bad Forget us There is no we. Now there's just a you. Now it's just a me. Nothing ever happened. You're a stranger now. I'm a stranger now. Being friends is implausible- it's too hard. Oh so now we're foes. what did I do? Was it something you did? Let's stop blaming ourselves. Let's stop blaming each other. Don't love me anymore. Don't hate me anymore. Forget me. Now and forever more. Stop trying, just forget everything. Forget what happened. Forget what could have happened. Let me go. Loosen your grip so I can run, and never look back. Let me out of your trap. Run for your life too. Run from me as I run from you ,never look back at me. As I'll never look back at you. Forget the memories. Forget the laughter. Forget the fights. Forget the tears, and shed no more. Forget your pain. Forget your anger. Forget your heartbreak. Think not another thought of me. Take your heart back, I don't want it. I'll take mine back too. Walk away from me now. No more bonds are there to brake. Leave me here, as I leave you. This isn't fake. Start walking away. Forever is just a word, as meaningless as the words once spoken " I love you" Walk away now. RUN! Goodbye. ~Death & Life~ I have to say, that this poem is such, A Classic. I classic poem of love and hate drifting off with such memories. This poem is a symbol of everyone as well to see. So I'd want more Imagery, like these. Classic you say? Well, I chose that word For the message is the same. May it stay classic, with the keyword: Class, For it describes what I know of this poem in one name. ( sweatdrop Sorry for the criticisism in a poetic way sweatdrop )
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Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 11:06 am
Slicer90 Soundless whispers fill the air, terror strikes you cold. No one cares, for no one's there. Submissive is the chilling night. Darkness caves in, steals your sight. Screaming has no sound or meaning. No predicted destination, this it's seeming. Aimless now throughout the night. Misdirection, strong confusion, Can it be divine illusion? No, no it's just me standing over you- your body newly claimed as corpse. ~Death & Life~ When I first took a look at this, I notice it was a dark trance. But realizing at second hype. It was my imagination without a second glance. Your poem look as if it was to symbolize Grim Death.. But to me it was someone afraid. Not afraid of the dark desciption. But Afraid of their own shadow they made. Scared senseless of this scene. They killed themself in spite of illusion. Beautifully known upon this poem. I hope my look at the theme wasn't a true conclusion. (Keep it up with your poetry. heart Sorry if it doesnt match what you wanted the poem to say sweatdrop )
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Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 5:58 pm
Thank you So much for critiquing my poems!
Man I like your poetic critisism, it's awesome.
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Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 8:21 pm
Here's another one!
Dark grey clouds begin to rise
Covering my deep blue skies.
What once was clear has now turned dark.
Cascade my thoughts upon the wall.
I once was promised I'll never fall.
Falling now to deep abyss.
I say goodbye with one last kiss.
And your love I'll never miss.
Blood stained blades have failed to fix
what once was broken and would not mend.
To you, my love I'll never lend.
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Posted: Wed Jan 30, 2008 2:57 pm
Strange...I swear I've read the first one here before... I can't begin to imagine why I hadn't commented afterwards. It's really great. Kind of sad, at least I thought so. I can't think of any way to improve it; it's wonderful the way it is. XD Forgetting is hard, and sometimes unwanted. I can understand walking away...letting go, but for myself I could never forget. Saying goodbye to someone...I keep wanting to say separate here, but escape keeps jumping at me, too. Very emotional, somehow. It seems like the speaker is trying to go about it calmly, or at least indifferently, but the emotion is just seeping from every word. I love it. Nice work. XD
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Posted: Thu Feb 21, 2008 10:59 am
Thank you so much!
rawr poetry!
Lonliness: my valentine
Lonliness, will you be mine?
I see you, hold you everyday.
Sometimes I wish you'd go away.
I loathe you completely, yet you love and never leave me.
So lonliness, I'm you'rs to keep.
To hold me down inside this pit of hell so deep.
Let us live an eternity in solitude, your paradise- my hell.
Let me go, just for a day. You never show me any mercy- you never go away.
You'll never dissapear, you give me everything to fear.
You grasp my hopes, and choke them tighter every year.
I try to run away, yet you chase me down every time I get too far away.
You'll never leave my side, you never have- you never will.
Kill me please, just kill me.
Put me inside a shallow grave, so once on earth I will be without you.
These sands of time..refuse to tell me the crime, I commited to deserve a punishment like this: an eternity with you, my lonliness.
This prison cell of destidude, the rest of life in solitude.
Please leave now- just go I'm begging you.
Rip out the swords you left inside my heart.
Let me bleed without you here, please let me live without you near.
Lonliness, you love me dear, I hate you, I hate you please go and disapear
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