Welcome to Gaia! ::

1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one
carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One fish turns to the other and
says "Dam!"...

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have
your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron."
The other says "Are you sure?"
The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But
why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because", he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to
a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in
Spain; they name him "Juan."
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she
also had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen
Ahmal."

8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they
opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to
buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they
would not. He went back and begged the friars to close.
They ignored him.
So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most
vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars
and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up
shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can
prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He, also, ate very
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered
from bad breath.
This made him ....(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).....A super
calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
laugh.
No pun in ten did.
Today's chuckle for you...