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 Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 3:11 pm
First off, you may have seen me or my other half on line (Blaze The Kitsune)
Long story short left gaia for a while, Blaze since early 2006. Went from wheel chair to crutches, back to wheel chair then back to crutches and now back to slow walking. It has been a LONG LONG recovery process. Had a friend and room mate move out because of her job. So I've been on and off gaia, if only for a second. I regret to say that I left this guild but never quit...I apologize...
While i was doing my best to help Blaze and at the same time give him the space he needed to "heal" on his own I realized I needed to fix myself so to speak.
So even when Blaze went to crutches I thought, ok I can start going to therapy. I even talked to him about it, he said it was FINE! But I STILL feel guilty because he had to go back to his wheelchair because of me. The one time I WASN'T there.
I just wanted my make myself a better person WHY can i not even begin to try and I feel God throws me another obstacle...(I have nothing against anyone but myself and god it seems)
So I stopped going to therapy and stopped taking my meds so I could help Blaze get better until he could walk on his own again. Its been that way for a few months (I still worry he will have another accident) He's been fine since.
I was hired in September to be a full time nanny from 6am to about 4 or 5 pm. It was so much that I became a live in nanny so I could visit home on weekends. Its tough....finding myself missing my life friend....but more than missing him.
He gave me a kitten for my birthday which I keep with me while being a nanny....and I feel even more guilt.
So thats why I haven't been online much nor Blaze, his work and the last sessions of Physical therapy.
If this is in the wrong place please move it.
I will do my best to be more active with this guild.
Live In nanny to Ronin Michael (baby boy) and surrogate mother to Fluffy Destroyer of Worlds. Friend and possibly more to Blaze, and about to take a part time night job.
ALSO Captain to my guild and very active crew member to two other guilds. I still find time to be here, wow
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Posted: Sun Nov 25, 2007 2:24 pm
Wow! Some people get to lead such interesting lives... :^_^:
I am sorry life has thrown you some major curves, but unfortunately that's life. I don't think God is picking on you, it's just that most of us think He's some sort of an insurance salesman, then get caught out when it turns out He isn't. I know I've done that. More than once... redface
What you need to work on first is losing the guilt I think. It's a good way to destroy yourself. I'm not saying you give up being responsible for things you really need to be responsible for, but don't beat yourself up at the same time. If only because it hurts to move when you are covered with bruises, and that includes the psychic kind. I've done that too... sweatdrop
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Posted: Sun Nov 25, 2007 4:15 pm
"On no account brood over your wrong-doing. Rolling in the muck is not the best way of getting clean."
Besides, the fact that you care about somebody other than yourself puts you above the vast majority of people.
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Posted: Sun Nov 25, 2007 6:31 pm
Saapento No Naga What you need to work on first is losing the guilt I think. It's a good way to destroy yourself. I'm not saying you give up being responsible for things you really need to be responsible for, but don't beat yourself up at the same time. If only because it hurts to move when you are covered with bruises, and that includes the psychic kind. I've done that too... sweatdrop HUGS, thank you for the reassurance. This was supposed to be a shortened version of why I was gone. oops
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Posted: Sun Nov 25, 2007 6:32 pm
duskydawn "On no account brood over your wrong-doing. Rolling in the muck is not the best way of getting clean." Besides, the fact that you care about somebody other than yourself puts you above the vast majority of people. Its difficult not to feel bad, even if he is stubborn I still care....the hard part is letting go. thank you!!!! BOTH OF YOU!! HUGS yeah yeah I know I'm all huggy today, can't help it. My kitten LOVES her collar. biggrin
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Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 2:18 am
*returns your hug* Cause sometimes it's all you need... although it's probably not as easy as that right now.
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