|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Zune Christmas Shop Mule Captain
|
 Posted: Sat Nov 10, 2007 8:55 pm
In this thread, you can post the name and profiles of your Original Characters a.k.a. OCs. Here, you can get honest critique about your OC, and see if they are a good OC, or a Sue/Stu.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Nov 10, 2007 10:59 pm
This is only a rough draft for a character in the making. I'm not sure what I will be doing with him.
Name: Tala Johnson
Gender: Male
Age: 21
Appearance: Shoulder length silvery hair, blue eyes, slim build
Personality: Psychotic, cuteness, and sadist all rolled into one. Tala is very insane. He comes up with outrageous ideas, but they only work half the time and involve things that normally don't go together. Sometimes, he speaks in the third person and holds entire conversations with himself. Not to mention he has a tendancy to crossdress. Tala tends to act cute whenever he wants something or is trying to fool an enemy into severely underestimating his skills. Tala is very much a sadist. He enjoys watching other people suffer emotionally and mentally though he doesn't mind physical torture. In his spare time, he usually invents new ways of torturing people or hatches new ideas.
Strengths: Excells in hand to hand combat, torture, and stealth
Weaknesses: Horrible with any weapons (has a tendancy to not only inflict damage upon his enemies but his allies as well so they tend to keep any weapon out of his hands), tends to go overboard with torturing (usually resulting in deaths), insane ideas/plans that generally don't work half the time (usually resulting in embarrassing moments or positions for anyone involved)
Quirks: Talks in the third person and constantly cross-dresses, has odd tastes in clothing, food, and interests, enjoys torturing way too much
Misc: Tala isn't interested in finding a significant other at the moment. For now, he enjoys being psychotic and sadistic.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 11:56 am
Hm. Hard to critique a character when you don't know his background, or what characters to compare him to. I'll just give an overview of my opinion of how you should deal with this guy. . . .
What I think you should do to this character is make the readers fall in love for him. Make it so that anyone who reads whatever ever story he might be in will say that he's easily their favorite character. Then show us his toturous side. Make him look like a monster, so utterly beyond redemption he puts Lucifer to shame. If done correctly, this can make an excellent character.
But it makes it really hard to choose a fate for them. Are you going to want to have him lose, have him fail at whatever he is trying to achive? Are your readers going to want him to fail? Or are you going have him win at the end?
I think it's really important when creating an insane and/or repulsive characters not to symphasize wirh them. When you make an insane character don't go half-way with them (or, at least, not his guy). Don't get too close to him, because if you really want to make him this torturing, crazy b*****d he is to be, he's not going to be all sunshine and happiness, and (if you make him as awful as you seem to want him to be) odds are you're going to hate him.
As for the hair. . . I imagine either it's dyed or not so unusual for whatever series he's going to be in (such as Inuyasha). If you have him set in a modern-day story and say it's natural people are going to think he's a Stu (and for good reason, too!).
And the cuteness. Is he. . . feminine? Or petite? It just seems hard for a full grown man to be cute. Imagine Sephiroth trying to act cute and actually succeding. Doesn't seem likely, does it? Unless by cute you mean he plays dumb. Or perhaps his enemies might be attracted to him. Maybe he could flirt with them, and they thing him to be nothing more than a lecherous moron. But if he's 5'2" with long eyelashes and a nice figure, then I could understand it. It'd be like Honey, from Ouran High Host Club. And it'd fit in well to the crossdressing.
Anyway, it'll be easier to critique him when we know more about him.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 6:52 pm
Hence the wip sign. Anyways, I'm trying to make him one of those characters you don't know whether to love or to hate. You know those type that you just don't know if you should cheer or boo. Not sure if I was clear in that.
Overall, I'm not sure what to do with him. I'm gonna try to flesh out his profile, but this is what I have after an hour. XD Granted most of my profiles takes about a week or two before I fully finish them.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Zune Christmas Shop Mule Captain
|
Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 7:03 pm
I know you've probably passed over this link, but maybe you could try this test to see if your character is sue/stuish or not.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 8:48 pm
Chibi Envy Chan Hence the wip sign. Anyways, I'm trying to make him one of those characters you don't know whether to love or to hate. You know those type that you just don't know if you should cheer or boo. Not sure if I was clear in that. Chibi Envy Chan Granted most of my profiles takes about a week or two before I fully finish them.
Wow. I must say, I'm quite proud of my most recent OC. She only scored a three on the test. *pats Evan's head* A new record (for me)!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Nov 27, 2007 12:57 am
Here's a sketchy outline of a Bleach OC I've been wanting to use. She scored a 9 on the Sue test =]
Name: Mirabelle Coquille
Fandom: Bleach
Gender: Female.
Appearance: Long, brown hair that is kept in a bun. Brown-green eyes.
Job: She works as a sort of bodyguard for Rukia, employed by Byakuya. She accompanies Rukia everywhere when she (Rukia) isn't on missions or doing Soul Reaper work. She used to be 6th company's 2nd seat, but retired shortly before Byakuya became captain.
Personality: Sarcastic for the most part, she enjoys making fun of people.
Quirks: She occasionally speaks to herself in French.
Relations with the Canons:
Rukia: Slightly over protective- she adores her employers adopted sibling. Acts very bubbly and happy around her.
Ichigo: Neutral. She'll make fun of him from time to time, but for the most part they get along.
Renji: Competitive. She was 6th company's 2nd seat before him and he was/is very close to Rukia. She's always making fun of him and trying to one up him.
Orihime: She acts fairly friendly towards her, though she rarely speaks to her.
Chad: When his name comes up in a conversation she can't help but blurt out "Who is that again?" When she does take notice of him she's quite friendly.
Zanpaku-to: Cinquième Elément is a unique zanpaku-to in that it has four shikai, thus four releases.
Shikai:
Rush: a scythe of the water element
Howl: a double-bladed katana of the wind element
Shatter: a broadsword of the earth element
Ignite: a scimitar of the fire element
Bankai:
None
Kido: She usually sticks to using Cinquieme Element, but when she does resort to using spells they are usually offensive. She's very poor with healing spells, usually able to heal no more than a small gash.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Nov 28, 2007 7:57 pm
Lorelei Yeager I know you've probably passed over this link, but maybe you could try this test to see if your character is sue/stuish or not. I love that test! I use it all the time!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Nov 28, 2007 8:33 pm
Oh no! One of my favorite characters scored a 43 on the Mary Sue test! I don't think she's Mary Sue-ish at all! What do you guys think? (She is from an original story..ergo, no fandom)
General
Name: Charlotte Tempest
Nickname: Charlie
Age: 17
Location: The story starts with her in London, but in the story my characters get transported to a different world...that would be the next place she ends up in
Family: She lives with her mom. Her dad lives in Toronto with her twin brother. (She knows about her dad, but not about her brother.)
Appearance
Height: 5'6"
Hair: Mid-Back, pure black
Eyes: Bright Blue
Personality
General: She can be a completely different person in any situation. (I compare her to clay, she can be molded to anything but still be herself.) This is because she is subconsciously concerned with what other people think of her. As my story goes on, she has less reason to impress people and she starts to develop a more distinct personality. She becomes more confident and she says what is on her mind. She also tries to be persuasive, but is not as good at it as her 'mentor.'
Plot
Element: Darkness (There are 6 people with the powers of the 6 elements)
What Happens to her: When she gets transported to this other world, she decides that she needs to get a job to learn how to fit in. She ends up working at a tavern. About 1 week after she starts working there, a separate room in the tavern is opened for people who don't want to have to deal with the crowds (mostly higher class people). A man comes there and after some time, he convinces Charlie to become his apprentice. (What she doesn't know is that he is the man in charge of the Dark side of the 1000 year long war.) Than a lot of complicated stuff happens after that I can't explain without a point-by-point of what happens in the story.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Nov 29, 2007 8:48 pm
I like the clay comparison. I think thats a good way for describing her personality.
Only six? That doesn't seem like too many. What element is her master?
A lot of characters who aren't really Sue's get high scores on that. It really all depends of the authors writing style. Harry Potter, for example, doesn't seem like too much of a Sue to most of the readers, but I wonder just how high he'd score on the test. Don't worry too much about. Just keep an eye out for Sue-ish qualities/moments.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Nov 29, 2007 10:26 pm
biggrin That's good, I was really worried about her.
Here are the answers to your questions Kaarii:
Only six? That doesn't seem like too many.
In my story there are six Elements. They are Earth, Air, Fire, Water, Light, and Dark. I have one character for each of the elements, one leader for both sides of the war, Monks and Priest from the various element temples, servants, townspeople, family, friends, and many more. There is no shortage of characters in my story.
What element is her master?
Her master is also Dark. This is where it gets complicated. Out of the six Elements who started the war, four were killed and only Light and Dark are left. (I'm so original aren't I? haha.) The Elements are all immortal so Light and Dark are still alive, even after 1000 years. But in order for there to be a new Dark and a new Light, the original ones had to give up certain powers. But they still can use all their Elemental powers and they still live forever, or until killed by a fatal wound. (This is the majorly simplified version. It is going to take me 3 books to fully explain the war.)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Dec 25, 2007 3:11 pm
Six? Pah, that's very little compared to mine. XD~ I have 12 elements and 3 forbidden elements, totaling 15. It's going to be an original, and I'm hoping to make a manga out of it.
Lady Kaarii, interesting though it needs more. I don't have a feeling of her. It reads more like stats. =/ Her releases, I'm not sure if that's possible though thankfully she hasn't achieved bankai yet. XD
O.o Not sure on it, but doesn't the shinigami have Japanese names? I think her name is French.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Dec 29, 2007 4:22 pm
@Chibi - i'm really into character development, so 6 elements plus 2 Ancients is perfect. and i would love to read you Element story if it's a story or a manga.
@Kaarii - in the past week i have watched 120 episodes of Bleach so i now know what you are talking about. the first time i read your profile it's was a bunch of jibberish.
I really like the character, especially the idea of her being competitive of Renji. She doesn't seem Sue-ish at all. I want to read the story you write with that character in it. (I'm not sure if you have or anything....)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2008 8:57 pm
@Chibi: Yup, she's French. The reason for that is that it seems pretty close-minded that all the people in Soul Society are Japanese. I mean, it just seems to me that only the Japanese people who die go to Soul Society, which would make lil' ol' American me screwed.
Though the reason for this could be that (if I'm not mistaken) almost everyone loses their memory of their life upon entering Soul Society, so they just receive new names that happen to be Japanese (for example, Zaraki Kenpachi and Yachiru didn't have names for a while).
If that's the case I'll just make her one of the rare exceptions and have her remember being human (though she's been dead for a while, so she only remembers it vaguely).
I still need to work on her. Thats quite a rough draft of her character, and, if truth be told, I pretty much just wrote it, posted it, and forgot it ^^;; Poor Mirabelle! I have a vague idea of her past, but I feel it's too similar to the Rukia/Kaien thing, so I'll probably drop it and start from scratch.
As for the bankai, with four releashes I figure she doesn't get to have a bankai. That would just seem too Sue-ish to me. I wanted four to represent the four elements, but I could probably cut it down to two. I just don't want her to have only one because then I lose my reason for her not having a bankai (I'm too lazy to give her one. Eh heh heh!). Of course, there's another power I could give her that only calls for one release, but that belongs to another one of my Bleach OC's, and I'd rather not take it from her.
And this just popped into my head, but I don't think it's that outrageous for her to have four releases consider everyone else's zanpaku-to's have a variety of powers (Zabimaru has Higa Zekko: Zabi-chan breaks into segments and surround an opponent. Sode no Shirayuki: three different abilities that I'm not going to bother naming here, but all of which have different commands, like "First Dance, White Moon").
@roki: Most of what I say is a bunch of jibberish xd But thank you. Sadly, I don't have much of a story planned for her yet. Just a rough draft. But I'm going to start concentrating more on her and a plot for her, so I should have something soon ^_^
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jan 07, 2008 8:23 pm
I think part of the reason is so that they could make it easier when writing or something. You know having to translate names to the Japanese format. Then again, their creators tend to stick with the names that they're familiar with; otherwise, it would mean having to do research, not that it's a bad thing. Yeah.
You know, I was just thinking what if they have different cities for different regions. Each region governs an area where that person died so that way they're not overwhelmed with the deceased. ._. Somehow, I have a feeling I'm going out on a limb. For example, there's one for the North American countries, Mexico up to Canada. Then there's the area for the Gulf of Mexico and those smaller countries south of Mexico. Finally, South America gets another.
Or it could be that. Who knows? The creator probably wasn't thinking about this at the time.
Hm... If you want it that way, maybe she could have gone back to where she died and somehow started remembering these things. At first, it would be nothing more than images in her mind, but the more she thinks about it, the more she remembers; however, she doesn't remember everything and ends up with more questions than answers.
Four sounds okay so long as she doesn't get a bankai. I guess if you're worried about her being too Sue-ish, you could make it so that she's either learning how to use them or doesn't have enough power to make them deadly attacks yet.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
