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An old saying about love that I just don't get

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Nookie Monster

PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2007 9:02 am


"You can't love somebody else until you love yourself."

.....Why not?

I suppose this debate might have to get into the "definition of love", but my biggest concern is the above. Why can't you feel a deep emotional attachment to someone before you feel the same thing for yourself? What about romantic love; do I need to love myself romantically?

This saying might be referring to the need to respect yourself before you get emotionally attached but A) Respect isn't love and B) Why can't you love someone else if you don't respect yourself?
PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2007 5:00 pm


Alright, let me take a crack at it....

If you don't love yourself, how could you come to except that the other person can love all of you? If you didn't think that they excepted you fully, you couldn't except them fully, which bungles up the whole thing. Or something like that.


~ You have just been served a slice of ContradictionPie ~

Annari Annona


Grott

PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2007 6:54 pm


I think it's more aimed at the ability to express love. If you are embarrassed of something, especially with your lover, you're afraid to let go with them, hindering your ability to "love them".
PostPosted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 12:18 pm


Love is just a chemical reaction in our bodies that is there to enforce the probablility of reproduction.

Or is that lust?

I dont know. I dont get it either. There's this girl named Emily at my school, she treats herself like s**t but she's obsessed with me. I dont think she loves herself.

The Tragic Mime

Dangerous Guildsman


Nookie Monster

PostPosted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 4:33 pm


ContradictionPie
Alright, let me take a crack at it....

If you don't love yourself, how could you come to except that the other person can love all of you? If you didn't think that they excepted you fully, you couldn't except them fully, which bungles up the whole thing. Or something like that.


~ You have just been served a slice of ContradictionPie ~


Okay, sure. I can see where not loving yourself would perhaps hinder others in loving you. But the question remains, why can't you still love them? I disagree that it is a requirement for either party to fully accept the other, either. It's agreeable, sure. But a neccessity for love?
PostPosted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 4:43 pm


Grott
I think it's more aimed at the ability to express love. If you are embarrassed of something, especially with your lover, you're afraid to let go with them, hindering your ability to "love them".


I can see where you are going with this, and it also makes sense. But being hindered in love must mean you are actually in the feeling, right? There are lots of shy people out there, afraid to express themselves, and even the most confident person can be embarassed. Hindered, incomplete... Isn't it still considered love or not, by your standards? (And personal standards of love are just fine, by the way!)

Nookie Monster


Nookie Monster

PostPosted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 4:45 pm


The Tragic Mime
Love is just a chemical reaction in our bodies that is there to enforce the probablility of reproduction.

Or is that lust?

I dont know. I dont get it either. There's this girl named Emily at my school, she treats herself like s**t but she's obsessed with me. I dont think she loves herself.


You bring up a point that I've come across before, and that is "Without loving yourself, a love for another person isn't love, simply obsession."

But I don't know if I agree with this. There are many forms of love. Platonic, familial, romantic.

And I'm not so sure we can even discredit obsession as being an expression of love.
PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 2:59 pm


Well, that reminded of me of an Eleanor Roosevelt quote.
"If one is not friends with one self, one can not be friends with any one else in the world"
This basically says the same thing in a wording that I think makes a little more sense.
The meaning of it is that when you don't like yourself, that feeling of self loathing is projected outward, therefore alienating others. And because they have no one all they will do is forever dwell in their own self loathing.

[fi]ona


Koravin
Captain

PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 11:20 pm


Nookie Monster
Grott
I think it's more aimed at the ability to express love. If you are embarrassed of something, especially with your lover, you're afraid to let go with them, hindering your ability to "love them".


I can see where you are going with this, and it also makes sense. But being hindered in love must mean you are actually in the feeling, right? There are lots of shy people out there, afraid to express themselves, and even the most confident person can be embarassed. Hindered, incomplete... Isn't it still considered love or not, by your standards? (And personal standards of love are just fine, by the way!)
Oh I severely doubt that not loving yourself nullifies your ability to love others, but it may make things sticky. What I was thinking, is that if you don't love yourself, you would wonder/doubt that anyone else could/does love you. That's some of what I struggle with. I can, and have loved people profoundly, but relationships may be impaired by self-loathing.
PostPosted: Wed Nov 21, 2007 11:21 pm


Nookie Monster
The Tragic Mime
Love is just a chemical reaction in our bodies that is there to enforce the probablility of reproduction.

Or is that lust?

I dont know. I dont get it either. There's this girl named Emily at my school, she treats herself like s**t but she's obsessed with me. I dont think she loves herself.


You bring up a point that I've come across before, and that is "Without loving yourself, a love for another person isn't love, simply obsession."

But I don't know if I agree with this. There are many forms of love. Platonic, familial, romantic.

And I'm not so sure we can even discredit obsession as being an expression of love.
I would classify obsession with lust, as not love but easily confused for love.

Koravin
Captain

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The New ED

 
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