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 Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 5:43 pm
okay, there's a creative magazine that comes out in my school every year in my school, I know cuz I'm a staffer. I want something in the magazine and I'll ask you what you think. YOU MUST TELL ME THE TRUTH! Don't just say it's good and don't just say it's sucks. Tell me why! Tell me how can I fix it or make it better and over all tell me if I should submit it to see if it gets in.
I have edited Kevin's song and it's now called Regret. Tell me what you think ^_^
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Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 5:47 pm
Regret
I knew you blamed yourself
I knew it wasn't your fault
I knew she left you
I should have stayed away
I knew you were depressed
She should have been there for you
I knew you cried at night
Why did I interfere?
I knew you hated your self
I should have been hated
I knew you were in pain
I feel so much worse
I knew you killed yourself
I should have felt that shot
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Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 5:58 pm
Honest opinion:
so its supposed to be a song right? just making sure.
seems kinda "buttery" kinda blah....repetetive (which isnt a bad thing...but you always need something to spice it up to make it look good)
teh ending kinda cuts off....but i can tell you didn't want it to cut off. . .good concept..try rewording it or presenting it differently...so when you read it it goes "BAM!" ..teh end. and teh reader is like omgomgomgomg thats so sad/sweet/awesome/happy/cute/whatever.
i kno my critisizm is pretty vague...thats cause i DON'T write poetry....lol
but i tend to read a lot. . .but still...
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Posted: Thu Aug 30, 2007 5:41 pm
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Posted: Thu Aug 30, 2007 5:54 pm
o0o...very nice
well quick question:
is "I should of" a purposely slang term because of teh character of the reader of who ever the poem is directed too?
or is it an accident of grammar usage "i should have"
either way its fine...im just asking
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Posted: Thu Aug 30, 2007 5:59 pm
tifftough o0o...very nice well quick question: is "I should of" a purposely slang term because of teh character of the reader of who ever the poem is directed too? or is it an accident of grammar usage "i should have" either way its fine...im just asking oops, let me fix that....
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Posted: Sun Sep 02, 2007 12:46 pm
to tell the truth i dont like it that much.
its deep and meaningful yes, it really hits home on the depressing. good.
but its so broken and repetitive, it doesnt flow.
thats my honest opinion. just needs some editing.
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Posted: Sun Sep 02, 2007 1:27 pm
.x.wasp_phantom.x. to tell the truth i dont like it that much. its deep and meaningful yes, it really hits home on the depressing. good. but its so broken and repetitive, it doesnt flow. thats my honest opinion. just needs some editing. any suggestions? I already fixed it once, I can fix it again. I have till Nov. 16
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