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 Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 9:04 am
Okay....so this is right after Dee and Erik have finished revisiting the past with their friends, and Erik is giving his naswer as to whether he will go with Dee or not.
"Okay. So…glad to see you again Erik. I thought that they had caught you, but I have always kept an eye out for you."
"Were you with these people then, too? Is that why you took such special care of me and how you knew where to get the pills?"
"Yes."
"So that's where the pills come in!" Wes exclaimed triumphantly. The four other people stared at him. "I've been trying to find out where he gets them. Hey, I thought you thought she was dead. How could you be getting them from her?"
"I wasn't."
"But…"
"I got them from a pharmacist that works for the same group I did."
"Did? Wait, see, I thought you just said you were with them then, too."
"Yes." Seeing Wes's still confused face, she elaborated. "I'm now the leader."
"You run the organization?"
"Yes." There was silence as the two boys looked at her until Wes broke it.
"That's so cool!" Erik laughed again, and Wes turned to stare at him. "You laughed again!"
"Am I not allowed to?"
"Yes of course, you just don't!"
"I never have reason."
"Are you trying to tell me that my jokes aren't funny?" Erik laughed again.
"I didn't know you made any, Wes." Wes glared at him.
“Oh, ha ha.” Erik’s face suddenly composed itself and he addressed Dee.
“Would it be okay if I did that later? It’s the day before Christmas Eve, and I’d like to get settled in at Wes’s.”
“It’ll be exciting.”
“That’s kind of what I’m worried about. I’m really low on pills. In the danger zone.”
“And you still came to an unknown place? I’m so proud of you!”
“Actually, Wes managed to trick me into coming.” Dee gave Wes a thumbs-up and grinned happily at him.
“Well, since I haven’t been able to see you, I haven’t been able to tell you that there’s a better, newer prescription. It lasts longer but allows you more flexibility.”
“I like the sound of longer lasting, but I don’t really need the flexibility. I’m not planning on doing anymore spontaneous rescues.”
“You don’t use your energy on a regular basis, then?”
“No.” Wes rolled his eyes.
“He avoids it whenever possible, though he better not think I don’t now realize he unlocked the door to the lab that day on the field trip.” Erik winced.
“I didn’t want to get you in trouble.”
“You don’t have to justify yourself to me, Erik.”
“But if I hadn’t done that you wouldn’t be in this situation.”
“Who said I don’t like the situation?” Erik sighed.
“Oh, no, no! It’s not like that anymore, I swear.” Erik nodded.
He doesn’t get it.
He doesn’t need to.
He would be in less danger.
Not by much.
My fault.
Dee frowned as she looked at him. “Are you sure you don’t want to come?”
“Yes, I’m sure.” She looked closely at him, trying to figure out what she should do.
“It would give you something to do while Wes is cleaning his room.”
“No, thank you.” Wes knew that Erik wasn’t going to change his mind. That set expression made it very obvious. He had never once been able to change his mind when he had that look. So the next course of action was to ask the question that had been eating at him.
“So Dee, what brings you to our house? And staying over. Your house isn’t that far away.”
“Do you not want me around?”
“I’ve known you for four of five years now, you know better than that.” She grinned.
“Yeah, I do. My house flooded. They’re fixing it now, but I needed a place to stay. Your parents were kind enough to offer me a place to stay for a week or two.”
“Oh, man, that’s horrible, and over Christmas, too!” Wes made a face to display how horrible he thought it was.
“You know, though, I do usually end up here for Christmas, anyway.” Wes laughed as his parents came closer again and finally joined the conversation.
“We’re always glad to have you over!” As the adults and Wes talked, Erik suddenly felt acutely disregarded. He backed away from the circle in order to be out of the way and leaned against the closest tree.
They don’t want you, Ery.
Not necessarily.
They forgot about you.
They’re just talking among themselves. Wes sees me everyday.
But you’ve never met his parents, and haven’t seen Dee in years.
There you go. I’m not really part of that group.
You aren’t a part of any group, Ery. You don’t belong.
I know.
Suddenly, Wes slipped away from the group and stood in front of Erik.
“You slipped off.”
“Yes.” Wes sighed. He could be so frustrating. Anyone else would know that he wanted an explanation. Or maybe Erik did know, but didn’t want to answer.
“Why?”
Why, Ery? You can’t tell him the reasons.
“I was in the way.”
“No you weren’t.”
He’s not going to let it go. Lie. Say you have a headache. Say you’re tired.
Why bother?
He’ll try to incorporate you.
Is that really such a bad thing?
You’ll be rejected.
Maybe not this time.
Monsters can’t be accepted, Ery.
It hurts to be pushed out.
Lie. Say your energy was building too much. Say something.
I don’t belong.
“You should go back with your family.”
“Erik…”
Look how happy they are. Monsters don’t get that.
“I’m not letting you be alone.”
You’re ruining the picture.
“And I’m not letting you be apart from your family.”
“Good, then we’re agreed. We do both.”
“I get in the way.”
“Didn’t we already do this one?”
You’re going to have to hurt him a little.
Just a little.
“Maybe I just don’t want to be around you right now.”
“And I’m supposed to believe that?”
“Yes. I don’t want you around me. Go away.” Wes glared at him for a few seconds before Erik shooed him. He backed away.
“Fine.” They then noticed that they had been gradually raising their voices, and the three adults were now staring at them. Erik closed his eyes. He hadn’t meant to attract attention. Wes stalked back to them. Dee leaned in to him so that no one else could hear.
“Wes. Do you truthfully think that he doesn’t want you there?” He looked at her curiously. “To get as close to him as you are, you had to have met this resistance before. You mean to tell me that he’s never told you to go away like this?”
“Well, yes, but…”
“So why are you letting it work now?”
“He…said…”
“Wes. He is scared. He doesn’t think that he can be accepted. You’re pushing him away. Confirming for him what he believes. I don’t think he’s changed too much since I knew him, not in his beliefs, and I think he’s waiting for someone to show him that he’s wrong.”
“I know that. I remember knowing that, anyway. I guess-“
“Shouldn’t you be telling him that?”
“Tell him?”
“Oy, you sure are dense, today.”
“I know what you’re saying, it’s just awkward.”
“So?” Wes sighed and attempted to glare at her but failed.
“Yeah, I guess.” He walked past his two whispering parents and towards his friend.
He was still leaning against the tree, but with his hands in his pockets and his eyes shut he looked almost like he was sleeping. Wes knew better. “Hey, Erik.”
“What do you want?”
“You’re pushing me away, and I know that. I get that. But I don’t like it, and I won’t stand for it. I guess I just forgot that. Being home or something.” Wes realized he was starting to mumble and look down, so he strengthened his voice and looked Erik in the eye, despite the difficulty Erik created by looking to the side. “So what’s wrong?”
Maybe you were wrong.
“You. I don’t want you around.”
Maybe he does deserve what you can do.
“What about what I want?"
He's trying to trick you. He's planning to trip you up.
“I don’t care.”
But…maybe…he’s trying to help.
“I think you’re lying.”
If that’s the case, he doesn’t deserve what you can do.
But he’s willing. He proved that.
“Just get away from me.”
You are a monster, that you drove him to that.
That was his decision.
“Erik, why won’t you just stop this? I think you really do want me around but you’re too scared of being pushed away.”
He did it for you.
That means…doing that says he...really does care.
He almost died. For you.
Yes.
You can’t just tell him.
Yes I can.
He’ll reject you, Ery.
Don’t you ever shut up?
I’m your reason.
You’re just confusing me.
Because you keep fighting reason, Ery.
I am not! All you do is make me doubt myself. And the people that try to change me.
They’re just trying to confuse you.
You’re just trying to confuse me.
I am you, Ery.
You’re me doubting myself and the people who- you know what? Never mind. I’m doing this circle thing again.
You’ll have to until you accept the truth.
And that's what you say?
Yes.
And that is that I’m not good.
That’s right, Ery.
That I can’t get anything right.
Exactly.
That I’ll always be wrong.
That’s the truth you need to understand.
Okay, so if what you’re saying is true, how can what you’re saying be true?
“Erik? You in there?” Erik looked at him, unsure what to say, or do.
Because they aren’t my words, Ery. Have you forgotten so soon?
No…no, they’re not.
They’re the words of the people you hated.
That’s why I shouldn’t believe them.
Why did you hate them, Ery?
They hurt me, took everything from me.
You did that. You killed your parents, not them. You know that, Ery.
But everything and everyone I grew to care for there…they destroyed it. Or had me do it for them.
Why, Ery?
To teach me.
Teach you what, Ery?
That I am dangerous.
And were they right?
Obviously.
Why did you hate them, Ery?
Because they took everything from me.
Why?
Because…I am dangerous.
And were they right?
...yes.
So why do you hate them, Ery?
They were right.
He nearly slumped in defeat. He had known all along. He just didn't want to believe it. He hadn't wanted wanted it to be true.
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Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 9:05 am
Okay, so in here is a scene that was in the other story. I re-placed it here, because it's necessary for other parts and stuff.
Now in Erik's arguments with himself prior to that scene, I think he referrences it, which isn't good if it hadn't happened yet. After reading so many different versions so many different times, it's nearly impossible for me to find where those are.. Especially trying to write two at once. It doesn't help that this computer takes five seconds to display what I type.
BUAHAHAHAHA! I haveth fixethed the italics and bolds and you mayeth now readeth my story section...eth.
....
YAY!
Wes knew something was wrong when Erik continued to stare at him with a blank look on his face for well past the time Erik stared at someone. When Erik glanced at him with what had to be the most lost expression he had ever seen on his face, and then stared off again, his knowledge became concern. The slight slump in his shoulders a few seconds later turned his concern into worry, and he swallowed the lump that was growing in his throat.
“Erik? Erik, listen to me.” There was no response. He glanced behind him for help from Dee, only to find the adults completely oblivious to them, talking among themselves. He squeezed his eyes shut for a second before regarding Erik as calmly as he could, ignoring the tightening in his chest. The worry was going to make him fall over dead one day, he just knew it.
“Erik, please…talk to me.” He looked up with poorly masked sadness dwelling in his eyes. Wes’s stomach tightened. What was wrong with this kid? “Say something, Erik.”
“Please, just leave me be.”
“So you can wallow in self-pity? I don’t think so.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.” Wes managed to look indignant and amused at the same time. How could Erik, ever the stoic mix between man and child, think this of himself?
“You aren’t going to be able to manage that.”
“Everyone around me ends up hurt or dead, Wes.” Of course, he knew exactly how and why he could think those things of himself.
Dee had to have been right. Erik was struggling to convince himself that...well, that everything that he had once believed was untrue.
“You can’t hurt me. Just a few hours ago you said it yourself.
“That doesn’t mean I can’t kill you.”
“Have you ever killed someone out of purely malicious intent?” Erik stared at him, aghast.
“Rossinger, just a few hours ago, like you said!” Wes tried to push down the frustration aimed at Erik.
It didn't work.
“Damn it, Erik, I am so tired of your impossible opinion of yourself. Look, your parents were accidents, the people there were necessary, you didn’t kill Dee, and besides that you were a kid and were scared.”
“And Rossinger and you?”
“Rossinger was an evil git you were protecting me from.”
“You weren’t really in danger.”
“I was. He twisted my mind and had my believing things I never would believe under ordinary circumstances. And I put you in danger.” Wes ran a hand through his hair.
“Look, I know you can do good. All the times you’ve helped me – what, you didn’t think I noticed my forgotten textbook mysteriously appear in time for my next class? – and always being so cold and distant to protect everyone around you? Mistaken as the last notion was, it was all for good intent.”
“Even the devil can do good things every now and then.”
“For his own personal gain. The good you do is for the good of others and not yourself.” Seeing Erik’s face blank and uncomprehending, he switched to a different tactic. “Do you want to be evil?”
“What? No, of course not!”
“Do you want to do good, and be good?”
“Yes, but-“
“Then you are good.”
“Wes, that’s like saying that because a little boy wants to be a professional ball player that he will be.”
“That’s different.”
“Not where it’s important.”
“Especially where it’s important! Good is a part of who and what a person is. Sure, you’ve done some ugly stuff, but who hasn’t? Are you so much better than us that you have to be perfect to be considered good?” Erik shook his head to try to stop the thoughts swirling in his head. To his dismay it seemed to serve only to mix them up more.
Wes made sense. His logic was there, but it was stand-alone logic. It didn’t fit with the rest of what he knew.
You’re evil. No good person ever kills another.
I was trying to protect Wes from Rossinger.
But that was only at first, Ery, and you know this.
I was going to scare Rossinger into leaving Wes alone.
But then you got pulled into it, Ery, and that added anger caused you to lose control to your evil.
I’m not…
You are. And that makes you worthless, said the voice inside of him.
No, I’m worth something - Wes said so.
Flawed, it insisted. Who wants to take in what is broken? Who would take more than a little time –
But Wes is sharing his Christmas.
And you’re ruining it for him. Here he is, away from his family.
Oh God.
You can’t do good.
But I was protecting Wes!
At first. But killing him was for you.
Oh God, no…
Worthless, said the voice inside of him.
But Wes said…
Flawed.
Christmas though. Wes is…
Ruining everything, aren’t you?
It’s not true, no, not true.
He’ll he caught by them because of you.
Shut up…shut UP!
Erik tried again to clear his thoughts. His circular arguments with himself weren’t doing any good, as usual. Even when they varied in topic, they were always a circle between what he knew and what he wanted to believe was true, like what Wes had said. He knew it couldn’t be true, that he was good, but he did so want to believe it.
Are you that much better than them that you think you have a right to be around them, being as dirty as you are? You’re like a flee-ridden dog at a fancy party. An ant at a picnic that no one wants but has no choice but to put up with.
‘Are you so much better than us that you have to be perfect to be considered good?’
Why couldn’t his thoughts just shut up?
“Why aren’t you listening to me?”
“Because you’re wrong.”
“How do you know I’m wrong?”
“Logic!” Wes took a deep breath and let it out. He was determined to keep his calm
“Logic. Do you remember the time I proved with logic that two and two equal six and not four?”
“That logic was flawed!”
“But it was logic. If you hadn’t known what to look for, if you hadn’t known that the answer was wrong, would you have seen the flaws in the logic?” Silence sat between them, awkward and unsure.
“Probably not.”
“Right. I’m sure you can see where I’m going with this.” Erik said nothing. “Look, you’ve never killed anyone out of malicious intent, if Rossinger was what you were worried about. The point of this whole thing is that you would need a damn good reason. Or it was accidental.”
“Wes, please…you can’t do this.”
“Do what?”
“Get close to me. You’re already too far in. Part of me wants to hurt you a little so you’ll go away, but most of me doesn’t ever want to hurt you again. So please, Wes. Go away now while it’s safe.” Wes studied him carefully, as Erik started to squirm under his gaze. The fear was practically rolling off him in waves.
“No.”
“I can’t…do this, Wes. Please.” Wes shoved back his anger, easily recognizing that it was a cover for his own fear. It occurred to him that maybe if he was entirely honest, Erik might be more willing.
“Erik, are you scared?” Confusion, fear, relief, and tiniest bit of anger all flickered through the younger boy’s eyes.
“What kind of question is that? I’m afraid of rabid dogs, occasionally heights…” His voice petered off as Wes stared at him, showing signs of anger despite his best efforts at suppressing it.
“You’re scaring me Erik. I’m really scared, but it’s not for me for once. I’m afraid that this is going to go too far past too far, and one day you aren’t going to be there anymore.” The same emotions went through his eyes.
“Really, Wes, don’t bother. Don’t…just don’t.”
“I want to help you.”
“Wes…” He ignored him.
“I can help you. I want to try, anyway.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because.”
“See, now I’m irritated on top of being scared. I’m sure you can understand that. I really want to help you. I’m not going to give up until you let me.”
“No! This isn’t something anyone should get involved in.”
“I’m already involved!”
“I’m not going to let you get hurt anymore! I’m going to fix you and then you’ll be safe.”
“I’m not broken!”
“You don’t realize it, that’s all! We’re all broken! All of us that are like this!”
“You aren’t broken, I’m not broken!”
“Yes we are!”
“There’s nothing wrong with you!”
“There is! WHY are you blind!? Everything is wrong with me! I’m sick and flawed!”
“Those are just the lies you’ve been telling yourself. Is that why you make yourself a threat to yourself?” Erik stopped and stared at him. The confusion and fear in his eyes had taken center.
“What-you-“
“I’m not an idiot. You pound your hand into the shower wall so hard it bleeds. I know you’ve hit your head on it just as hard at least two times. You make the water so hot you actually steam, even after you’ve gotten your clothes on. Your skin looks like a lobster. You’ve scrubbed your skin so hard it gets raw. And if you think that I believe that all of the cuts on you come from your experiments and labs-“
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I want to know what’s going on in your head! I want to know what the hell they did to you!”
“Shut up! It’s not your business!”
“I’m making it my business! If you think you’re so worthy of death, why don’t you just kill yourself? It would be easier, wouldn’t it!?” Wes knew he had gone too far as soon as the words were out of his mouth. Erik was staring at him with that blank look on his face. Wes wanted to slap himself. What was wrong with him?
“It would be easier to die, yes, but those lies you are talking about are the only truths I have. But you still make sense and I find myself in this circle and it’s just too hard to think about it.”
“That’s what you have friends for!”
“I can’t have any!”
“You have me.” Wes went to drag him away from the tree. Erik pulled his arm away as his eyes widened.
“Don’t touch me.”
“I want to help.”
“Don’t touch me!” He felt frantically for his bottle.
“Let me help.” Erik shook his head wildly, though whether at Wes’s offer or the thoughts running around in his head he didn’t know. “Why won’t you let me?”
“It’s too dangerous.”
“For me to listen to you, to help you understand what are lies and what aren’t?”
“Yes!”
“Why?”
“Wait, no. Yes, it is.”
“Why is it too dangerous?”
“I don’t know! Where is that damn bottle!?”
“Erik, I want to help you.”
“No.”
“You need someone to help you, and I’m here for that.”
“Stop saying that!”
“Are you hot? Live?”
“Why do you think I’m trying to find my pills!”
“I’m going to take your hand.” Erik tried to drop further back, but ended up bumping into the tree as Wes closed in.
“That’s suicide, Wes.”
“Have you ever touched a bender who was expecting it?”
“No, Wes, this is just-“
“I think I can handle it.”
“And you’re saying I’m the one who needs help! Anyone who even bumped me while I was hot died!” Dee frowned. So far she had kept herself and Wes’s parents out of this, but this was just dangerous beyond reason. Wes could die, and Erik would be completely crushed. And if Wes’s parents actually noticed what was going on over there, that would be the end of it. “Please…just let me get my pills. They must be in the car.”
“Let me try.”
“Trying and failing will only get you killed.”
“I want to help you.”
“By dying?!”
“No, by showing you that I can handle whatever you can throw at me.”
“You don’t have to risk death to prove that!”
“Then what do I have to do?”
“I don’t know!”
“Then this is the only way. Give me your hand.”
“That’s not an argument.” Wes sighed.
“Fine. By the way, I have your pills. Here.” He pulled the bottle from his own pocket and stretched out his hand towards Erik. Relieved, he went to take it.
As Dee went to shout out a warning and run over to them, Wes reached up with his other hand and clasped Erik’s.
By the time Dee reached them they were both on the ground. Erik’s face was buried in his arms and Dee suspected that the shaking was a result of crying. Grieving.
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Posted: Wed Oct 17, 2007 11:06 am
Okay, so there's a lot in here that I really wanted in the story, so I just re-placed it where it would fit in this new version. I don't know if there's any in this part, but there's a ton later.
In additioneth, I haveth fixedeth the previous sectioneth and thou mayeth now readeth it! YAY FOR TIME!!!!
Monster.
Not deserving of life.
“Oh, God. Please, no.” A quick glance at Wes revealed that he was dead. He was steaming and still and Erik was a mourning wreck.
Dee knelt down with Wes’s parents, who were simply staring in shock at the boy lying on the ground, uncomprehending.
Then Erik’s breathing stopped.
Wes had just groaned.
“Oy…what a headache. I guess I wasn’t as prepared as I thought.” Dee and Mary and Robert had the energy to be astounded. Erik just stared at him, almost numbly. “You had more energy spilling over than I thought. I told you to have some faith in me.”
“How…”
“I just absorbed it. Well, I took some and the rest went into heat. Hey guys, it’s okay. I’m fine.”
“You’re….alive.” Wes sat up and rubbed the back of his head.
“That’s kind of obvious. I thought you trusted me?” Dee went to help Wes up off the ground but gasped.
“You’re hot!” Wes let a slow smile spread across his face.
“Why thank you, but you’re a little too old for me.” Dee didn’t bother with a glare and instead frowned with concern.
“No, I mean your skin. It’s almost too hot to touch.”
“More was transferred into heat energy than I had meant to. I guess that’s just because it’s its default form.”
“This isn’t healthy. It can’t be good for you.”
“I’ll be fine. It’s December. Although I am rather damp.” Dee blinked at him, obviously having forgotten not only that it was cold but that the snow would obviously be melting around him.
“Honey? Are you…are you sure you’re alright?” Wes summoned up all the cheeriness that he could to grin at his parents.
“Yeah, I’m fine. We just had a little accident. I’m actually great. All charged up and stuff. Don’t worry, guys!” They glanced at Erik suspiciously, who was currently retreating to a location at least twenty feet away from them. He stood up with ease and jumped up and down to demonstrate that he was okay.
His parents whispered briefly to each other during this and then turned back to Wes. “He can stay here during the holiday if you’ve already asked him to, but I don’t want you to hang around with him. He’s dangerous.” He whispered back to them
“I know. But he’s my friend. Look, he’s gone through some really nasty stuff, and I want to be there for him.”
“You almost just died.”
“No I didn’t. I was totally in control.”
“Wes, I don’t think that this is safe.”
“Of course it isn’t. But guys, I’m nineteen. I’m in the big bad world now. I’m going to have to deal with danger sometime, and if you didn’t notice, I’m a bender now.” They sighed.
“Just be careful, son.” Wes rolled his eyes.
“Yes, Dad.” Robert ruffled his hair and smiled at him. Annoyed, Wes re-ruffled it the way he liked it, ignored that it probably looked no different, and walked back towards Erik, who was sitting at the base of a tree.
“So Erik. Have I proven myself?”
He nearly died trying to prove himself to you.
But it was his choice.
If you had made it clear that you did trust him, this wouldn’t have happened.
He’s okay…
And if he hadn’t been? Your fault, Ery.
“Don’t ever do that again, Wes. I trusted you before…I never wanted you to do that!”
“You didn’t trust me. And I wanted to do it, to show you that I am willing to take whatever you can throw at me. I’m willing to take a little hurt to help you. You’re my best bud, Erik. Just…let me help. Can you trust me now?”
“Yes.”
But you can’t trust yourself, Ery. Never trust yourself.
Because it would have been my fault.
“Don’t do that again, please. Swear you will never take that chance again.”
“But I know what I’m doing now.”
“Swear it, please.” Wes thought for a moment.
“No. I might have to do it again.”
“Wes…why would you…” Erik’s face was a picture of confusion. Wes breathed slowly.
“I just told you. I want to help you, to be a real friend to you. You haven’t really had enough of those.” Erik froze.
It was happening again.
He recognized the signs and symptoms. They used to be a common visitor, and they had just beset him a little while ago.
Tears.
Shaking his head, he denied them passage, crushing the emotions that spawned them.
“I think you’re crazy. Do what you will.” Erik got up, shoved his hands into his pockets, and stalked off.
What had just happened?
Wes thought he was getting through to the boy, and then he just...closed up. What had just happened? He blinked in confusion at his friend’s abrupt change, and slowly walked back to his parents, who were still talking with Dee, now wildly gesturing. Their conversation came into focus as Wes came closer, and as expected, it was about Erik. For a brief moment, he felt an unjustified spark of jealousy. Then he shook his head and stood next to Robert, who was trying to calm the two women.
“He’s dangerous!”
“Of course he’s dangerous; he’s a bender! I’m dangerous, too.”
“I’m not worried about you killing someone.”
“What makes you think Erik would kill anyone?” Wes demanded, jealousy long gone.
“He almost killed you, honey!”
“If I had died it would have been my fault. I touched him when I knew what it would do to me.”
“What do you mean?”
“Touching Erik at the wrong time means death. Except, apparently, to a bender who is expecting it. And even then…anyway, it was my choice.”
“Even so, he shouldn’t have- “
“He asked – begged – me not to touch him. You’re as bad as him. He’s convinced that it was his fault, and it’s tearing him up. Believe what you will, but don’t tell him your opinion.” Mary studied him for a moment, then sighed.
“I think I understand. Okay then. I believe you.”
“Good. Now I have to go clean up my room so Erik doesn’t die of poisonous fumes.”
“I’ll go get the wheelbarrow.” Wes nodded and walked back to the house with Dee, waving as she continued around the side of the house to her car. Erik detached himself from the tree he was leaning on near the edge of the boundary between Wes and his neighbor’s house and followed Dee to her car.
“Dee?”
She didn’t raise her eyes from the keys she was getting out. “Erik, I just don’t know what to do with you.” He stared at the ground. “You’re just too stubborn, clinging to old beliefs like this.”
“I’m not trying to.”
They were silent for a while as Dee selected the right key and inserted it into the lock. The locks in the car all clicked and she removed her keys.
“Trust Wes. You know you should as well as I know you’re afraid to. Not doing so…
“Bending is a both a gift and a curse, and to live with it you need to be able to see both sides. Rossinger could only see the gift, you can see only the curse.” She finally turned from the door to look at him. “As it consumed him, it is also consuming you. You’re crumbling, Erik. I can see it better than you can, I suppose, but your mind is starting to fall apart.” He stared at her in the silence.
“So there’s no real disease?” She laughed a little, but it was ironic and tired, not the kind of laugh that was filled with any happiness. He almost winced at the sound.
“It’s strange, but so you, that you would notice that, and not what I’m trying to tell you. No, Erik, there’s no real disease. I told you that long ago.” Erik’s mind finally chose a path, having used the question as a delay tactic, but spoke slowly to be sure of the right words.
“I think I already knew that I’m failing. My mind has been split, for years now, between two different ways, and the distinctions are becoming more and more apparent every day.”
“I know. I’ve seen it often enough that I can recognize it.”
“What do I do? Which side is right?”
Dee easily recognized the note of desperation in his voice that belied the expressionless set of his face. She closed her eyes. He had been through so much, and she couldn’t really help him at all.
“I’m sorry, Erik. That’s not one of the things that I can tell you.”
“Why not?”
“It’s something that you have to choose on your own, although in truth I’ve already told you.”
“I could ask Wes.”
“Asking Wes would be a decision on its own.” He watched her, unable to think of a decent response, as she got into the car and started the engine.
“Dee! Wait.”
She rolled down the window as she put the car into reverse. She looked at him expectantly. Erik tried desperately to get his mouth to give voice to what he wanted to say, but it refused him.
She smiled a little and pulled out into the street. He watched as she drove away, hope sinking within him and she did. How was he supposed to figure out what to do?
You can’t figure anything out, Ery. You already know this.
I have to try.
You’ll make the wrong decision.
I know.
Not even Dee will help you.
She’s doing this to help me.
No one will help you.
Wes helped me.
So did Dee. And now she’s abandoned you.
Wes hasn’t.
He will.
I have to try.
It’s the wrong decision.
He couldn’t think of any reply to that other than that he had to try, so he kept it as a mantra, to keep the other voice, to keep his doubts, quiet.
“Wes?”
“Go away.” Erik blinked. He hadn’t expected that, and it broke his mantra.
He doesn’t want you.
Can it.
You can’t ignore it this time. He just said it, plain as day. There can be no doubt as to his wishes.
I have to try.
That again? Ery, you can’t get rid of the truth that easily.
Shut up!
“Wes?” He heard a crashing sound, a loud string of swearing, and a pounding, bashing sound before the door opened and Erik found himself staring at Wes’s surprised face.
“Erik? I thought you were my dad. Sorry.” He frowned. “I still won’t let you in, though. It’s not really safe just yet.” Erik raised his eyebrows to cover his relief.
“Not…safe?” Wes shook his head.
“I wasn’t kidding when I said it isn’t a good idea to be in here. It really is kind of dangerous. Mom’s outside the window with the wheelbarrow. I toss bags of trash down and into it, and she carts it off.” Erik swallowed and backed away from the door.
“Um...okay.” His back hit the wall across from the door and he slid down it. Wes stepped out of his room and carefully shut the door behind him.
“Sorry about this. If I had known you were going to come then I would have cleaned up last weekend – no! It’s not that I don’t want you here, so don’t look like that.” Erik, thoroughly bewildered by these strange events, merely nodded his compliance. Wes smiled a little uneasily at the strange boy he had befriended and stepped back into his room.
A few seconds later the door opened again, and Wes stuck his head out at the mystified Erik.
“You aren’t going to just wait there, are you? I mean, it might be close to an hour.” Erik blinked. Where else was he supposed to wait?
“Sorry…I’ll go wait in the living room.”
“Watch T.V. or something. You don’t have to just, you know…sit there.” Wes seemed frustrated, so Erik nodded and hurried down the steps to the living room. Wes shook his head. What was he supposed to do with him?
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Posted: Wed Oct 17, 2007 11:31 am
Ah! Okay, I have to go. But I want to get something posted. So here's what I have so far of this story. I'm pretty sure you guys have already seen this though, so don't get too excited.
Erik looked around the living room again. His gaze lingered on the family photographs, and he tortured himself with the knowledge that all this was, as always, unattainable. This perfect world would always be beyond his reach.
He shook the thoughts from his head and turned them to the TV. He hadn’t watched TV in years. The last time that he had even seen one of the screens was to watch some sort of educational film in middle school, but he had never missed it.
There had to be a remote around somewhere. He glanced around the room before realizing that he had no idea what it could look like. He knew that they frequently looked different from each other, so how was he supposed to find it?
Erik exhaled slowly and sat on the couch. Oh well. Television rots the brain anyway. But he was supposed to watch T.V….or something. What was ‘something’? Couldn’t he have been more specific?
Food. Wes liked to eat. A lot. Erik grinned.
He would make him dinner.
Wes came down the stairs a half an hour later at a full run. “Are you okay Erik? Where are you? What’s – “ He skidded to a halt in front of the kitchen. Erik was frantically trying to put out a fire. Wes grabbed a nearby glass of water and dumped it into the burning bowl, and they both stood there panting.
“Erik.”
He cringed to himself. “Wes…?”
“I thought you were going to watch T.V.”
“I was, but I couldn’t find the remote, so…”
“Erik.” Wes pointed feebly to the bowl in which the toasted remains of what Wes assumed was supposed to have been dinner lay smoldering. “I have to know how you managed to catch salad on fire.”
Erik rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “Um…”
“Actually, I don’t have to know. Just don’t…don’t tell me, okay?”
Erik nodded.
“Are you alright? Burned or anything?”
Erik shook his head. “I was trying to make you dinner. I know you love to make food, and your family seems to be a little occupied. I know I should have asked first, but –“
“It’s fine. I still don’t know how you managed to set lettuce and tomato and carrots on fire, but I appreciate the effort.”
“The quesadillas are okay.”
“Quesadillas?”
Erik nodded and pointed to the stove, where two frying pans were heating up tortilla shells and their contents. “You like meat, and they’re packed with it. Just like a meat pizza, but instead of sauce and dough, there’s salsa and tortilla shells.”
Wes blinked. “We don’t have tortilla shells.”
“Sorry."
Wes stared at him. “Okay. I think that in this case, acceptance of the facts is the wisest course of action. Dinner looks good. Especially since there aren’t any more vegetables involved. Mind if I have mine now?”
“Wes, this is your house.” Wes grinned and went to take the quesadillas off the pan and Erik yelped. “Wait, no!”
Wes stopped.
“The pans are hot, and they’re hot. If that cheese drips on you, it’s going to hurt. Bad.”
“Right. Fire hot. Forgot.”
Erik shook his head. And Wes thought he was weird. Him and his stomach.
The quesadillas took much less time to eat than to make. The remains of the salad were thrown into the trash can and the kitchen was tidied up before Wes’s parents made it into the house.
“Hey, we’re back.”
Wes looked surprised. “When did you leave?”
“A while ago, honey. We needed to stock up some more food since we have another guest in the house.” She smiled warmly at Erik, who pulled at the bottom of his sweater.
“Why, you didn’t notice we were gone?” Wes and Erik shook their heads at Robert’s question.
“Were you burning something in here?” Mary frowned as she asked. Erik blushed bright red and Wes started laughing hysterically. “Boys?”
“It’s a long story, Mom.”
“Not really, Mrs. Mary.”
“Just Mary, please.”
“Mary, then. I kind of, um…well…”
Wes couldn’t contain himself any more. “He set salad on fire!” And promptly fell onto Erik, laughing harder than ever.
Erik sulked.
Mary looked not amused like Wes had thought, and not angry, as Erik had feared. She just kind of stared for a moment and blinked a few times.
“We had salad?”
And this is where they would fall over, were they anime characters.
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