Welcome to Gaia! ::

******** is the word I want to say to you. Maybe in all capitals. ******** love you with all of my heart. Yes. I said love. You hate that word, don't you? Because your ex-girlfriend tore you up and down and shat all over your heart. EX-GIRLFRIEND. Not that one you have now. Me; Your CURRENT one. You get mad at me when I say love. Why? I actually mean it. Why do you insist that people not say it? ******** that.

You have talent. Not just any talent. You are great with just paper and a pencil. You can take your creative ideas from your vast mind and put them so that the world can see it. It takes someone highly special to be able to do that. I can't. I know many who can't. But you can. What do you do with said talent? NOTHING. No job, no schooling, no plans. Sure, you *want* a job...but just turning in one application to one place won't secure you with work. Especially since you have only had one job that you were fired from (but no one blames you). The world doesn't work like that. You say you want to go to school only if you pay half of it. That is admirable. But you won't be able to pay half of it unless you have a job. Unless you GET OFF YOUR a** and not sleep all day. And not *think* about getting a job or *wanting* to get a job. Apply yourself. You'll get places and be happy. ******** your laziness.

Sometimes I don't think you appreciate me. Sure, you draw things for me, and you spend the night...but really...there is more to caring for someone. I don't exactly know what to tell you to let you know what to do...but when I see it, I can tell you. I just feel that I am wasting energy trying to do everything. Though you might disagree, I am totally tired of trying to appease you with everything. ******** being tired of it.

LEARN HOW TO COMMUNICATE. That one night you thought I was doing something bad...you didn't come to me to talk about it. You just assumed and totally hurt my feelings. All I wanted was a hug. A simple caring gesture. And what did you do? Glare at me, walk away and pretend I didn't exist. Swell. You've done things like this a lot. You never talk to me about what is bothering you. When I don't know, I can't fix things, especially if I did something wrong. It hurts when you don't come to me. I feel that I am not worthy or not deemed special enough to you. That or feel like I am always in the wrong and that I am just a bad person. No. I'm not. You just suck at talking to me. I don't want to feel horrible anymore. I want to have a normal relationship. It takes 2 to tango, ya know. ******** being hurt.

I love you. More than you know. I am willing to help you until the sky comes crashing down on me. I want you to live the way you want, and be happier than you could ever be. I want you to be happy with me. But...I can't live being with you if I constantly feel that you don't want me with you. That you don't want to succeed in everything you aspire in. I want you to love me. But, of course, not using the word that you hate so much. I don't want you to change, I just want you to live up to your potential and stop treating me like utter crap sometimes. <******** TAKING s**t.

/end.