|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2005 7:55 pm
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 11:58 am
This piece had a very weird rhythm which made me a bit uninterested. I really like how you ended it with two lines instead of five, but the rest of the poem seemed a bit awkward. It was a very emotional piece- which is a good thing-, but I think more organization could improve it. It was a pretty good piece, but I can see you making it even better!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 12:04 pm
It was kinda awkward to read. It seems your thoughts were just cut off. The great deal of emotion though, for the most part helps make up for that. It could be better, but it's still pretty good.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 7:25 am
This poem does have an unusual style, that, to me, works because of the non-rhyming nature of the piece. it is short and to the point
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 9:25 am
The structure of it made it sound like hiccups, the way the sentences were broken up. At least the subject was not a lament for a lost love one, though people have every right to write about that. I liked it well enough. blaugh
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Aug 10, 2005 8:22 pm
I liked the over all composition. But they're right, you may want to change the sentences. Or you could make a visual poem and rearange them so they form a picture to match the poem or something. But I really loved the ending, so cool.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 5:22 am
It was awkward, as the others said, but I like your style! It's very...poet who ain't poetic but is stil poetic in the way they do their poems.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 2:36 pm
this poem has a very off-beat rythym,making hard for me to read.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 5:46 pm
Also, the part when you say: bloody_rose_of_the_dawn whisper me lies,
you know I will believe you.
Made me think the poem would be pretty as a song.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 7:15 pm
As mentioned by others, the rhythm was rather akward, which made it kinda difficult to read... The lines were broken up strangely. It's a nice poem, though ^.^
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 8:49 am
pretty poem but the rythem was wierd.... it seemed more like an open verse poem... but still good
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
