alright, this is somthing that i am putting together, i would like you to read it and tell me what you think. before i start let me say that i know my spelling and grammer can be less then prefect, but bare with me. also understand this is not a emo thing, and i am not looking to pity, just positive feed back.
His ears were ringing for the blast, heat that he never thought was possible enveloped his body and for a split second, time stopped as his vision blurred into darkness. Minutes latter the medics would be on him and his crew, trying to save his life. But this is not where our story starts; it starts on a cold day in February, 1988.
Jonathan was born 19 February 1988, his mother and father there next to him, and so his life began. Now most people like hearing stories about loving families and kids that grow up right, but for Jonathan, that’s a life he would never live. The relationship between his parents was anything but prefect, and shortly after his younger sister, Elizabeth, was born, his parents devoiced and left him, his two brothers, Patrick and Samuel, and baby sister to live with there mother. While some people know the pain that is split custody and living two different places all there life, his father never fought to see them or to take them into his home, and left them in the uncaring hands of there mother. Now his mother I am sure tried, but being a drug addict and heavy drinking, she new nothing about taking care of 4 kids alone, so most night were filled with babysitter’s and taking care of himself.
Despite his dire circumstance, Jonathan was bright, and most people who talked to him saw this after only minuets of talking to him, so he was put into preschool in hope of teaching him as much as he could, and he took everything anyone gave him. By the time he made it to kindergarten he was working at a 4th grade level in math and science and the rest of his studies were not far behind. But as smart as he was, there was some things you can not teach a kid that young or most choose not to. That’s where his story begins, where my life began
Chapter 1
One night in September my babysitter, a 13 year old boy named Mikel that lived next door to me took advantage of the situation that he was put into. Soon after he would start touch me and my brothers, threatening us with lack of food for the night or beating us to get me and my brothers to do the sexual acts that he asked. I knew something was not right, but a boy my age had no say ‘who would listen to a 7 year old?’ Mikel would tell me, and sadly he was right, my mother seemed not to care or believe me. So again and again he would do as he wished with me. This continued for over a year till one fate filled day, October 14th 8:24 pm, the image of the clock burned into my mind, I walked upstairs to find my little sister for dinner, as I opened the door to my sisters room I found Mikel on top of my sister, her crying, and him close to naked. As far as I knew he had never touched my sister, just me and sometimes my brothers. My life froze; I couldn’t breath, couldn’t think, and couldn’t move. I just looked into my sisters eyes, filled with tears and screaming my name, Mikel on top of her, moving my hips. I knew what the idea of matting was, but never thought it had anything to do with this, and like a movie being taken off pause, my life continued. Not sure what to do, but knowing this of all thing, was far to wrong to let go. So I picked up the bat kept next to her door and swung with the rage and anger of a pined bull. Even thou the ringing in my ears and screaming cries of my sister, the sound of the bat hitting his scull echoed in my head and as I grabbed my sister and ran for the door that sound continued to fill my thoughts. I didn’t know where to go so I locked the door that led to the kitchen with myself and the rest of the kids inside and tried to clam my crying sister. I could hear Mikel screaming and pounding on the door “I’m going to ******** kill you kid” so there we sat, my brothers crying, my sister in my arms still half naked and crying, and me, trying to make sense of all that had happened. My mother got home some time after and Mikel acted like nothing happened, got his money and left, then my mother came to find us. I think it was the first time I can remember seeing anything but anger in her face, suddenly compassion and love and fear flashed all at once as she asked what happened. It took me a better part of an hour to tell her everything, and she just looked at me and said “how could you do this to your sister?” I couldn’t believe my ears; she was saying I had raped my little sister. “go to your room till the police get here” I didn’t move, still shocked at what she was say “I SAID NOW!” that was it, no more “I DIDN’T DO IT MOMMA”, in my shock I had not noticed Elizabeth walk back in, now dressed and not crying, she looked at mother and said “momma, Jonathan didn’t do it, he saved me, Mikel did it I swear” my mother turned without saying a word and picked up the phone “yes I can have an officer sent to my house, I believe my daughter may have been raped” then holding her hand on the phone looked back at me and my sister “go up to your rooms, now” and I let my little sister pull me from the room.
Alone in my room my head was spinning, still somewhat in shock and mostly in disbelief till the door opened and Elizabeth stood there in the door way, crying. She came in and sat next to me on the floor and started crying again, so I did the only thing I could thing of and I held her close to me. In those moments two major things happened, first was that for the rest of her life, I would be the only one Elizabeth trusted and felt safe around. The other thing that happened is I learned one of the hardest lessons a boy my age could, ‘the only person you can trust to help you, is yourself’. The police came some time after that and all the kids were called downstairs, thou the open door I could see Mikel being loaded into the back of a squad car, and the look of fear and anger on his face that chilled my blood. The officer talked to each one of us in turn, taking note on everything we said. As he listened to my story it seemed that each word cut him and more and more I saw a look of pity in his eyes… and I hated him for that. After the officer had left my mother called me into the kitchen alone, I didn’t know what was coming, but knew I was not going to like it. My shoes were hand-me downs and were close to falling part, but no matter how much this angered me, I couldn’t look up into her eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me he was doing this to you?” ‘I did but you were too stoned and drunk to listen to your own son’ “I did, three times” I didn’t see it coming, but I felt the burn of her slap “STOP LYING” tears filled my eyes, and even that I hated, thou I didn’t know why. “I did tell you” I said as I choked on my tears “so you still want to lie to me, fine” she snapped as she started taking off her belt, I knew what was coming, even if I was right, I was to be spanked till I could not sit down for 3 days, this was somewhat common for me by now, but this of all things was the wrong reason for it… so I ran. I ran to the only place I could think of, my room, and locked the door. My mother had no need to run so she calmly walked up stairs and tried to open my door, finding it lock infuriated her and she began pounding on my door and screaming at me. Sadly this moment reminded me of running from Mikel only hours before, finally she bashed my door open and came down on me, huddling in the corner and crying she started lashing with all her might at me using the belt, not caring where she hit she just kept swinging. Each blow hurt more and more, my side, my back, neck anything she could hit, and each blow hurt emotionally reminding me that no matter what I did, I was helpless, weak, and the ones who are suppose to protect me will only hurt me. When her arm grew tried of swinging she finally stopped and looked down at me, “are you done lying?” I didn’t speak, couldn’t thou all the tears and pain, then her foot came fast, locking with my ribs and shooting pain that forced me to cry out again, “yes, just stop it” “why did you let him do that to your sister” ‘is there anything else you want to blame me for?’ “I didn’t”, again her foot lashed out, this time it hit my face and for the second time that day, I herd a sickening crack and the world went black.
I awoke in the hospital with people I didn’t know standing around me, all of them looking at my with a sense of sorrow and pity ‘stop it, all of you, I don’t need your worthless pity’ “well it looks like your awake, how do you feel” “in pain” I only meant half of it being physical. “well your mother should be here soon, so try and get some rest” ‘grate the last person I want to see’ but as if his words were some sort of magic word, I fell back into a deep sleep ware my mind played the nightmare of the day before again and again. I awoke to find my mother starting at me, no anger, no fear, only love… love and something else, pain. ‘Huh, so she does feel somewhat sorry for what she has done, or is it just that she is sorry she went too far?’ “How you feeling?” ‘Like roses and candy, how do you think I feel?’ “My face hurts” and there the dagger sank into her heart ‘good, let her know some pain’. “Listen, a man is coming to see you, his name is Jacob, he wants to take you away and put you in a different home” ‘so there is hope? No, life couldn’t be that easy, no one can help me’ “why does he want to do that?” “Because he thinks I am not a good mother to you kids” ‘well what was your first clue?’ “What does that have to do with me?” I knew the answers to every one of the questions I was asking, but I still asked them. “ well he wants to know what happened to you last night, and if you tell him what happened they will take you away, they will put you in a foster home, do you know what that means?” I shook my head no “ it means that you will live with someone else, and they will take you brothers and sisters to, you may never get to see me again” that didn’t sound so bad from where I was laying, but then came my mothers favorite and best tool… guilt. “and you won’t be able to see your brothers and sisters ever again, Elizabeth will be all alone” it was my turn to take the dagger to the heart, and with that I started to cry, out of the corner of my tearing eyes I could see my mother smile just a bit, and I hated her even more. “So what do I tell him?” “Just tell him you got beat up by some kids” “alright. An hour latter Jacob came in, he was a heavy built man with no hair, and the look of kindness that had to be an enemy. After an hour of talking to him, I decided my mother may have been right, he was too kind to be anything but an enemy. He asked me about everything he could think of, making me relive the nightmare I had just gone thou, till I had to lie, and so I did. In the end he got up and said “if you ever need anything, call me” and gave me his card. The door clicked softly as he left and again I cried, and again I hated myself for it.
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