Lose a best friend?

[Seruleane]

_LiL_ImmortaL_AngeL_

silver_crystal18

_LiL_ImmortaL_AngeL_

silver_crystal18

_LiL_ImmortaL_AngeL_

Yes.... It can be sad to see so many people hiding their true emotions to keep their loved ones from knowing the truth in case it causes the loved ones pain or sadness. Human behaviour is quiet strange... I'm begining to take an interest in it now.... There is just so many people hiding their true emotions and not being who they are out of fear of rejection.

Hmm... I suppose you're right there... People have a tendancy to say something and not do anything about it.... Actions can have both good and bad consequences, depends on how well thought out and how you handle peoples reactions.

It's saddening than we see how a weakness can pull down a human mentally. It's a kind of weight that cannot be measured. Hmm.. it is quite interesting.. but it is still bothersome to know that there is no certain cure... What kind of fear prevents so much.. which is this fear so great at pulling a human's response. There is so much more to know.. people have changed.. and are still... They've become complicated..

It's worthless words that go to waste.. That is true.. it's just part of human nature to falter.. and to make mistakes. Further damage happens and BOOM people are sad about things all over again.

It is very sad... To see someone be pulled apart over an emotion that can often be overthought and not needed. I suppose the only type of cure/recovery is talking about it.. But even with that it can still be there, feeding on them until they just can't take it anymore which is extremely sad... Knowing that someone who could have such a great life is crushed by emotions so much that they don't get to live that long life.

Exactly, if words have enough meaning and strength they can prevail any type of action... They can make the mind think about what is truely important and realise what the heart really wants. Words often lead to actions, be it good or bad depends.

It is horrifying also when you try to help and end up making things worst. sad Things don't work as you think it would... people take their emotions more than anything else. They react so differently each time... but I still find hope that they can be happy. It might just be someone else's job to do that. The cure is all in their minds.. they just put it deeper away from their reach..

Wise words you have. blaugh Every action comes from every thought. I believe so too... I just hope there were more people who cared for others. It's like you find selfish people around... people who trample on others to get higher. There will be change.. but I hope its not too late.

It is.... You can think it through so many times but it doesn't mean the other person will think the same way you do.... They can take it the wrong way which can leave you and them alone in the dark... They may not be happy today, or tomorrow but one day they will be. It's not about the amount of years they lived but how much they lived in those years.

Ahh.. that in truth. No one thinks the same.. they misinterpret things and yes.. they leave you. That's what's unfortunate.. they get to move on without us.. forgetting.. and us.. ever so much more remembering. Very wise words.. your heart knows so much. It's hard to live to the fullest.. I feel a certain void sometimes.. it makes it hard to be anyone in this world.  

[Seruleane]

Natsu_Yume216

silver_crystal18

Natsu_Yume216

[~I was and still am, always picked on, one way or another. Im usually teh shy and quiet person, and i would always silently observe people. I'd speak if someone asked me to answer something or if they needed help, but that would be the only times i would talk. There was this friend of mine who was a bit popular in class. After talking to her from time to time, we became best friends. We would have fun and talk about things that we liked. She made me open up. One day, my best friend got mad at me, and she yelled at me. She heard from someone that i was just using her to look cool and i didnt care about anything else.

Not only that, but she got more pissed at me that i was talking bad things about her and her boyfriend, things that i wouldnt say at all. I think that was when i finally snapped and i yelled back at her because i was upset that she actually listened to those people and blamed me for something i had never said. After that, we never talked again. I wanted to apoligize, but i never got a chance to because when the school year ended, she moved to a different state. I got picked on again after that, being blamed that it was because of me that i drove her away. I became the person i was before again, the Quiet, shy person who was scared to open up to people and make friends.

I didnt have any friends for the longest time...and I most definately didnt have anyone i couldve called a "best friend" until the sophmore of my High school year. Even though i still love my best friends right now ((they forced me to open up...and they werent scared of me when i snapped. Furthermore, they know when im trying to hide my feelings o.O)), when one of my best friend moved because of family issues, the other one started dating. Im happy with my best friend who is dating, but im scared that a similar thing will happen, because my best friend is now spending more time with her boyfriend than she is with me. Sometimes i wished my other best friend didnt move yet. I really want my best friend to be happy with her boyfriend...but i dont want to go and tell her what i feel. I'd look all insecure and childish. I doubt she even knows that im hiding my emotions now -sigh-

There are a few people ive told this to so far, and they all told me i wasnt being childish or selfish, or insecure for that matter. They also told me that if it kept going, i would have to talk to her about it. If i do...i know I'd still feel that way, which is why i cant help but smile, hide my feelings and fake that im okay when she is with her boyfriend instead of telling her what i want to say. I dont want to hurt her feelings and i really dont want to lose another friend. It hurts me the most when we make plans, and she cancels it last minute. We were supposed to meet last week and i crammed all my homework because i have summer class and i wanted to see her, since it was forever since i last saw her, but she cancelled on me last minute because her boyfriend was visiting her since he lived in jersey and she doesnt see him alot.

Sometimes, its very hard for me to tell someone what i think, because im scared it would hurt the other person's feelings. Im more scared of the outcome if i tell my best friend, because i dont want to lose her. Not only that, but i dont want my other best friend to have to pick between us if we end up breaking up =/

Im sowwy if this sounds like jibberish XD~]

Ahh.. I see that at a point your silence becomes your speech. Why do people pick on you? Hmm.. watching from a distance? It hurts to know you are in that state. Seeing the world isn't easy.. it makes you afraid of judgement. People have become selfish and insensitive.. but you aren't. Stay in your flow. You'll find so much more in life. smile A popular person.. was she a kind type or the pretty type? I'm just curious. What did she make you feel when you talked with her? Reality.. joy..? She got mad at you because she choose to listen to someone else?! I'm sorry you had to hear such from her. She got you wrong... you were just cracking from your shell and now it seems like it's engulfed you once more.

People have made gossip their joy and way of getting closer to someone.. I'm afraid you were both a victim of misunderstanding. Your friend must have given away her trust to easily.. then it went to someone who couldn't take care of it. Apologies are hard to do when all we think about is rejection.. did you think she'd reject you or hurt you? Aww... it isn't your fault.. they just want to have something against you for them to see your weakness. How do you go about everyday? Your silence is eating you up... there must be someone there who you could talk to and trust. You shouldn't keep everything bottled up inside because it tends to be too much at a point.

You just kept your heart quiet? sad Wasn't it painful each day to know that your memories played on the times when you were with that popular friend? I honestly want to help you. It's just my help will only be in words. I'm sorry... but I tell you. You're a kind of person that grows to be so much more than those people in your school. You may be silent today but your heart knows its language. Share it to someone.. who you think needs help. You will have more friends with you being you. Aww.. your friends have been "busy". But you yearn for that friendship.. but remember to not hold on to it too much because what happens is.. you loose them little by little through your grip. Ask your self.. What kind of friend are you.. Think about it. You are being very considerate in truth. But you need that friend to talk to. For now.. why don't you try asking your friend how she is. Just normal talks.. then slowly enter the new world she's in with her boyfriend. Don't be left out.. be their friends. If something goes wrong.. you are there for both of them. You aren't childish.. it is a need and not a want. She may not know your emotions.. but I'm sure she has time for you. You make the time.. and continue hoping. Your friend may just be getting something she wants.. but be there to tell her what she really needs.

Aww.. I see you care a lot but then you don't know how to go about things... you fear outcome and lost. Normal to be scared of that.. and the steps there are hard. But you have to know what you need to do... you have needs as well. You have to tell your feelings or your friend will keep thinking its okay. Don't let her think its okay when in truth it isn't for you. You won't lose her because of the truth that is inside you. Your other friend won't have to pick if she is a true friend to both of you. You gotta start saying what you need to say.

Nothing is gibberish to me. I understand it and if you think I don't then do tell me. smile

[~Im sorry for the late reply. Ive been buzy with schoolwork XD Im taking a summer class right now, so i wont always be on redface

Anyway, i thank you for your response, and its okay. Typing the response is better than nothing, less than talking to people about this. Well, im not saying its not better to actually talk to people about this, but if typing this is the only way to reply, then its fine, as long as someone listens to the other's problem. And i really thank you for taking your time to help me. I really appreciate it.

Back then, when i was little, i didnt really know much English, even though i was born in the US. It went from that, to saying how weak i was that i couldnt stand up for myself when i get teased. It then jumped to people making fun of my name, which is currently why i really do hate my name. Well, maybe not hate, but i dont like my name. It gets annoying because throughout my life so far, not ONE year have i had the freedom of my name not being teased. I tend to not care anymore, but it still annoys me. People tell me that i should be happy with the name given to me by my parents, and not to listen to others who tease me, but after awhile, you get tired of hearing the same things over and over again and its just to the point that you just want things to stop, even though the said people who are teasing you think that it is fun and they dont stop at all ((some people anyway)).

Yup. She was pretty, i adored her curly hair. But, she wasnt like those stuck up girls who think they knew everything and was at the center of attention, and who tried to be a teacher's pet. She was really kind and was more of the "independent" type, and "went with the flow", not caring at all if she was to become cool or being a teacher's pet. Stuck up people who think they are cool dont bother with people who look "weak" or "quiet" ((or so ive noticed anyway. I could be wrong XD)) They believe that if they are cool and are liked by others, they dont need to waste their time on "quiet weak" people. Her, on the other hand, went up to me, not caring once again, that i was the "quiet" and "weak" person of the class and talked to me as if i was a regular person. I think it was the recognition and acceptance of someone who got me to feel a bit better about myself. Of course, all the things she blamed me with, i got really upset because i thought i was really able to trust her. She was one of my best friends after all. I thought she "knew" the real me, enough for me to get comfortable with things. Learning it the hard way, i was badly mistakened. Its been more than awhile now. I feel bad that i dont remember her name or how she looks like, and in a way, i have a sense of just wanting to apoligize to her. ((i get really guilty xD))

I think the most scariest thing for me is making friends, because its really hard to find someone who can be trusted. Most of the people i react with are either known as "aquaintances" or "classmates". My other scariest thing is the fact that if someone gets too close to me, they see a side of me that no one ever saw. I tend to force myself to be happy and helpful when i meet other people, just for the sake of them not hating me. I really am a shy and nervous girl, i cant act that, but the thought of forcing myself to be happy when im not kinda well, hurts me a bit, even though im just used to doing that. People are scared of how other sees them if they know who they really are. For me, I stay quiet. Even though if i know something is wrong, or even if i want to speak my mind about something, i keep quiet. I dont like making others unhappy because of me, so i tend to ususally leave it. Sometimes i dont even know myself. Im a very emotional pessimistic person. ((Right now, only my 2 best friends know that XD))

Half the times, when something is wrong, i tend to just smile and act like nothing is wrong. I do that because i dont want to make the people around me feel guilty. Sometimes when i want to say something, or when i feel left out, even if i want to speak up, i feel insecure, selfish and childish to be thinking these things, so i keep quiet. Its become a habit that im actually fine with keeping quiet. i usually daydream, or write, so that's usually where i take my anger out. I dont know. Usually with things like this, i sound like im talking jibberish or im rambling, because ive never really shared these things with other people before. Im more of the self-reserved kind of person -sweatdrops-

Well, to update you, my best friend ((the one with the boyfriend now)) agreed that we will be hanging out this Friday. I feel that i shouldnt tell her yet. When it comes to speaking my mind, even though i get upset or angry with the scenerio, i really cant say what is on my mind. I get really scared, because i've never really had to do something like this, so its kinda new to me.

I went from being self-reserved, to being somewhat open, and then back to being self-reserved again. Even though my two best friends now made me open up again, i still feel a bit self-reserved. I really do trust them alot, but its just that i feel a bit worried that the same thing might happen again. ((though i know i am repeating some stuffies.I sowwy about that. I tend to dont remember what i said or didnt say xD I has short term memory for certain things XD)).

When i am with my family ((and relatives)) on special occassions and we party, or if i am hanging out with my 2 best friends and the other friends that they invite ((whether it is, again, a party or just a hang out)), i tend to feel left out. I feel as if i dont belong anywhere at all. Of course, to not make my friends or family members feel bad, i pretend that im having fun. I guess its because ive been alone ((in a sense)) practically almost forever that ive gotten used to how it feels like to be alone and not fit anywhere. Sometimes, while others are having fun, i would observe them quietly. Its a bad habit, i admit, but ive gotten so used to it that it just feels natural for me to act like that.

Im just all over the place...and truthfully, i hate myself the most. ((Though im not suicidal or anything like that xD Im just a bit Emo, but not to the extreme XD ))

Im not sure if i said this, but this is really my first time sharing something personal about myself to other people...so i feel a bit uncomfortable XD I've never really shared my "childhood" with others on the internet either ((even though that's not all my childhood, just more of the reasons to why i am the way i am)) and the fact that i am pretending to be something im not >.< I'll get over it, but its just a bit weird and all. redface ~]

I understand you. It’s alright… I’m sorry for a more late reply… I was busy with school too. >.< Aww… good luck and I hope summer helps you. I’ll wait! 3nodding
Hmm.. I understand what you mean but I always think there’s more I can do but sometimes I’m just wrong. I’d be happy to help you in any way I can. (even if it’s words of comfort or advices) It’s hard to share your problems with someone cause sometimes they don’t get you. They listen to only what they want to hear. That’s why I open up here more than to any person around me. (Though that doesn’t mean I tell all my problems here! I only tell my problems to my best friends.) I am glad to listen and help you in little ways.
Really? It’s funny because I was teased for my name too. My classmates added words after it that made me sound stupid. I stopped caring because the more I did; the more I got affected by the teasing. But your friends are right, you should love your name or at least accept it. The only reason why you dislike it is because of what people do with it. It is tiring but were your friends there to help you out? Did they come to your aid? I would like to know because when it comes to teasing, friends are there to protect you. They stand up for you to make others know that they should stop being a bunch of freaks to you. Or… you really can’t take the teasing? I don’t understand why the bullies continued teasing you. D;
She was a good person but you went through a misunderstanding. Wait, she “went with the flow”? I’ve realize the same thing as well. When it comes to the “cool” people, they seem to never stoop down on the quiet people. They remain on top of us all and it seems that they are satisfied by it. It is a fact, in my case. Aww.. I know some people like her. They were the kind of people who were so friendly. (My friend is similar to her. She’s kind to everyone but then she was also friends with the popular people. It was said that I couldn’t know her more. The “cool” people hogged her and it seemed from then on, I only knew her as a friend.) I think the problem was that she was sensitive. I have a feeling that the people who comforted her said things about you and she accepted them. She didn’t know. She must have been influenced by others to make you feel bad. The others know not a thing about you. You don’t remember her? It’s not fair because I bet people surrounded her and that gave you a hard time to approach her. Don’t worry, someday you should let her understand your side then the apology will come next if you were really the cause. Once she knows about your feelings, I believe may be she’ll apologize to you first. (Note: You are not a weak person to have shared this you know. It shows how strong your will is to do what is right but don’t forget that it’s not always your fault. You have to make others know your innocence. Your guilt should be theirs.)
Ahh.. in truth it is hard to find them. Some people just stay as classmates or acquaintances. Hmm… you should let others know who you are. Being you isn’t a sin or something shameful! If you are truly unhappy then you should at least tell somebody about it. You can pretend but you can never be. Friends are meant to know us. When I’m having a fight, some friends backstab me. I do what I can to be good but if I discover that it’s being abused by people, I need to tell them. I feel like you care to much and I think I know what we both need. We need self-compassion. Love yourself once in a while because you’ll see later on why you have friends and why you are loved without you knowing it. You have something different that makes you a good person. You care about others so you remain silent but what would you do if someone was worried for you now. You have to say bits of things to set yourself free from your emotions and pessimistic thoughts. You are a good person but you aren’t good to yourself. You’ve been through a lot and you have so much wisdom. Say what you need to say because some words are meant to be said now rather than later. It is how we can help a friend or ourselves. ^_^
Why smile when you know something’s wrong? I was there before (may be sometimes today I’m still there…) but I realized the more I smiled, the more my tears got out then my smile flip down and there. A sad face that’s ugly and filled with tears. I hug something like a pillow or a friend then look far away. (Okay, obvious I did this not long ago. Horrible feeling after confronting a friend… Painful.) See! You care so much for others but where are you in others? Sometimes guilt is need for others to know what they’ve done wrong. If they don’t have guilt then they’ll be off hurting more people. Think about the others. How you can help, show it and do it. They need it more than you do. I am like that today but my friends are helping me get out of my shell. I keep it in but sometimes, I just can’t take it! I suggest you break your habit. In the real world, there’s so much silence that the world never improves. You should let your voice be heard for the better of the people around you and yourself! You can do it! I know you can. If can say it here, you can say it to people. Just take your time but don’t waste it. (Note: You don’t talk jibberish. If you do then I must know the language pretty well. ;P)
Wait, did she bring her boyfriend with her or is it just you two? ^_^ Then don’t if you feel like it’s not yet a good time to tell her. Get ready and keep things natural. That way, you say the truth and what you really feel. It’s okay to be scared… as long as you use it to succeed. wink So how did your outing with your friend go?
Hmm.. I guess sometime’s it’s just part of our nature to be reserved in order to me more than anyone else. It’s not bad but the problem is you become easily misunderstood. I guess based from experience, you just don’t want that horror to repeat again. But I know its possible for you to face it again. It’s a matter of your will. Will you go through all this for this? Is it worth it or not? It’s up to you and I think you need to find your way so you’ll be most confident in the situation. It’s all right to repeat.. sometimes we just need things to sink in our minds. biggrin Same here! I forget.. sometimes I go in loops. o.O
I feel you! I get that feeling too… when my friends invite me somewhere and when I go.. I’m just behind all of them. I wasn’t happy but after a week, I realized I’m just there to watch them have fun. I was support and it made me feel sad. I decided not to go to my friends’ outings. They wanted me to come out of my shell but they never knew that they kept me in it. You are your own self. I’m thinking that if you want change, you’re going to need more effort than just anybody because you’re different. blaugh Don’t be upset than you don’t fit it, be happy you aren’t just like everybody. It’s hard being different but it makes us special. It’s never too late to be satisfied. ;p

Don’t hate yourself for being yourself. It’s not a sin to be you. It’s just the hardest thing to be now. I’m glad you’re not extreme. o.e I wouldn’t know what to do. cry
No worries… I’m glad to be of little help. My childhood was blank. I wasn’t anyone big… I didn’t have a childhood friend. I feel like I’ve missed many things. But I’m just happy to be me right now. It’ll take time. It always does. Thank you for replying. These little things make me realize that I’m not alone. I can be harsh with myself. I think I’m stupid cause I can’t get an award. I laugh but it hurts. People like you help me believe there is still something great to look forward to someday. :hugs:

P.S. I'm so sorry for the horribly late reply. gonk Highschool life gets more and more stressing. sweatdrop