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 Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 12:55 pm
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Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 12:59 pm
You win 2000 gold!
Sorry, Ember. Maybe next time?
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Ebil-NekoCat Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 1:01 pm
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Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 1:10 pm
Vise President Addie said this: (she's too busy on Babynames.com to type it herself) Quote: Because there was no plotline. A guy came in and killed someone and ended with a question. Sieg's had more story behind it, which made it scarier.
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Ebil-NekoCat Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 1:13 pm
But I Made You Think It Actuly HAPPEND....I Had You Fearing For Your Life....Seig's Was Just Like Every OTHER Crapy Scary Story Out There That Anoys People More The Scairs Them. (No Offance Seig.)
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Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 1:15 pm
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Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 6:20 pm
Ember-Dono But I Made You Think It Actuly HAPPEND....I Had You Fearing For Your Life....Seig's Was Just Like Every OTHER Crapy Scary Story Out There That Anoys People More The Scairs Them. (No Offance Seig.) The judge has answered your questions, so I will post them for her 3nodding 1. But I made you think it actually happened Quote: Not a question, but no. You didn't make it realisitic at all. There was no description, style, or technique. You told the story; Seig SHOWED the story. When you just tell me what happens, it's boring. 2. I had you fearing for your life Quote: No, again. It wasn't scary. It felt hackneyed and fake, and I really couldn't care less about the murderer. Once again, it's all in the description. Use imagery to paint a horrifying picture. For example, you could say, "she felt scared", or you could show she's scared by saying, "her breath clenched into short gasps as her eyes widened in fearful disbelief. She counted the seconds between each heartbeat; how many more could she count before it stopped?" Which is more interesting. In your story, you did the 1st one. 3. Seig was like everyone else Quote: Seig did a very good job. He used descriptions and repition to bring about fear. Plus his story actually had a deep plot line. Compare: A murderer who kills people for no reason / a man's own creation has become his very downfall The 2nd one is more interesting, better written, and neater. No offense, I encourage you to keep writing. However, in this contest, Seif is the clear winner and this should be a deeper explanation as to why.
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Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 6:25 pm
For future reference its Sieg, not Seig or Seif.
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Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 6:32 pm
Siegfried006 For future reference its Sieg, not Seig or Seif. xD The judge will make note of that. She said so herself: Quote: The judge will make note of that wink
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Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 6:37 pm
Red, your nuts. I like it. mrgreen
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Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 6:42 pm
Siegfried006 Red, your nuts. I like it. mrgreen Dude, you haven't seen half! I once spent about a year of my life writing a harry potter - pirates of the caribbean - fruits basket crossover that featured two twins named after the kit-kat bar, a maniac who is obsessed with tea for no reason, and a bunch of mish-mashed random characters that had nothing to do with each other. Ask Ebil, she'll probably remember more about it than I do. sweatdrop
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Posted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 7:02 pm
I made a 24 episode Barney and Resident Evil crossover where Barney was the zomibe inducing plague and the only way you could kill the zombie was to plug their ears up for the song he sings was the whole reaosn behind it. Each episode was 15 mins long, commerical free, and I even had who would play the part of Barney's zombies and the cure being a rerun of the Its a Small World after all and Tim Allen. 3nodding
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Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 12:47 am
redpandy Ember-Dono But I Made You Think It Actuly HAPPEND....I Had You Fearing For Your Life....Seig's Was Just Like Every OTHER Crapy Scary Story Out There That Anoys People More The Scairs Them. (No Offance Seig.) The judge has answered your questions, so I will post them for her 3nodding 1. But I made you think it actually happened Quote: Not a question, but no. You didn't make it realisitic at all. There was no description, style, or technique. You told the story; Seig SHOWED the story. When you just tell me what happens, it's boring. 2. I had you fearing for your life Quote: No, again. It wasn't scary. It felt hackneyed and fake, and I really couldn't care less about the murderer. Once again, it's all in the description. Use imagery to paint a horrifying picture. For example, you could say, "she felt scared", or you could show she's scared by saying, "her breath clenched into short gasps as her eyes widened in fearful disbelief. She counted the seconds between each heartbeat; how many more could she count before it stopped?" Which is more interesting. In your story, you did the 1st one. 3. Seig was like everyone else Quote: Seig did a very good job. He used descriptions and repition to bring about fear. Plus his story actually had a deep plot line. Compare: A murderer who kills people for no reason / a man's own creation has become his very downfall The 2nd one is more interesting, better written, and neater. No offense, I encourage you to keep writing. However, in this contest, Seif is the clear winner and this should be a deeper explanation as to why. Oh,And What The Hell Make You Think YOU Can Do Better?! Last Time I Checked EBIL Was The One Who MADE The Contect,NOT YOU. I Was Damm Well PROUD Of My Story,So I Sugest You Back Off Befor It's The Last Mistake You Make! You Have No IDEA What I Can Do.....
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Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 12:00 pm
redpandy Siegfried006 Red, your nuts. I like it. mrgreen Dude, you haven't seen half! I once spent about a year of my life writing a harry potter - pirates of the caribbean - fruits basket crossover that featured two twins named after the kit-kat bar, a maniac who is obsessed with tea for no reason, and a bunch of mish-mashed random characters that had nothing to do with each other. Ask Ebil, she'll probably remember more about it than I do. sweatdrop Quote: I made a 24 episode Barney and Resident Evil crossover where Barney was the zomibe inducing plague and the only way you could kill the zombie was to plug their ears up for the song he sings was the whole reaosn behind it. Each episode was 15 mins long, commerical free, and I even had who would play the part of Barney's zombies and the cure being a rerun of the Its a Small World after all and Tim Allen. Both of these have me dying from laughter! Perhaps I should make a future contest be about writing a funny story? Also, I have stories where people can get mutated, and the only cures are watching the "Dr Jiggle and Mr Sly" episode of VeggieTales, eating baby shower mints, and being bitten by junkyard dogs. Plus, if you hide in the shadows the peole you're spying on will see you. If you hide in the open doorway, you're invisible. wink
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Ebil-NekoCat Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 12:33 pm
Ember-Dono redpandy Ember-Dono But I Made You Think It Actuly HAPPEND....I Had You Fearing For Your Life....Seig's Was Just Like Every OTHER Crapy Scary Story Out There That Anoys People More The Scairs Them. (No Offance Seig.) The judge has answered your questions, so I will post them for her 3nodding 1. But I made you think it actually happened Quote: Not a question, but no. You didn't make it realisitic at all. There was no description, style, or technique. You told the story; Seig SHOWED the story. When you just tell me what happens, it's boring. 2. I had you fearing for your life Quote: No, again. It wasn't scary. It felt hackneyed and fake, and I really couldn't care less about the murderer. Once again, it's all in the description. Use imagery to paint a horrifying picture. For example, you could say, "she felt scared", or you could show she's scared by saying, "her breath clenched into short gasps as her eyes widened in fearful disbelief. She counted the seconds between each heartbeat; how many more could she count before it stopped?" Which is more interesting. In your story, you did the 1st one. 3. Seig was like everyone else Quote: Seig did a very good job. He used descriptions and repition to bring about fear. Plus his story actually had a deep plot line. Compare: A murderer who kills people for no reason / a man's own creation has become his very downfall The 2nd one is more interesting, better written, and neater. No offense, I encourage you to keep writing. However, in this contest, Seif is the clear winner and this should be a deeper explanation as to why. Oh,And What The Hell Make You Think YOU Can Do Better?! Last Time I Checked EBIL Was The One Who MADE The Contect,NOT YOU. I Was Damm Well PROUD Of My Story,So I Sugest You Back Off Befor It's The Last Mistake You Make! You Have No IDEA What I Can Do..... It doesn't matter if I can do better or not. Simon Cowell can't sing, but he still judges American Idol based on what he knows about the music industry. It's a matter of opinion; don't take it to seriously. Besides, Ebil asked me to judge, so I gave you my honest opinion. You're making this personal. I thought Sieg's was better, so take it with a grain of salt and move on. Also, if you're proud of your story, why do you care so much what I think? Good writers can take criticism and use it to make their stories better. If you think your story is so great, then post in the Writer's Forum and get opinions there. Don't threaten me. I have a maniac on my side. Don't worry, he'll only eat you if fail at making sandwhichs. LOL, Ebil! Remember the thing with Britney Spears and Switzerland? It waas Switzerland, right? All joking aside, this was a contest. You lost, and I can't stand sore losers. It doesn't matter what you can do; I'm not changing my opinion. Threatening the judge is cheating. 3nodding
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