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Hypomanic Poet Vice Captain
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 Posted: Wed Jan 26, 2005 8:33 pm
When depressed, I :
-Drink. A lot, or smoke pot if it's available.
-Generally mope around.
-Stop eating unless I GOTTA.
-Think. Way too much. Usually on stuff from my childhood, which was s**t.
-Write.
-Avoid people. Especially those who know me well and can tell when I'm deprressed.
--Depressed cycles usually last longer than manic.
When Manic:
-Talk.
-Talk some more. Usually at mach speed and usually is completely incomprehensible
-Stay up all night
-Socialize as much as is humanly possible,either on the net or IRL.
-Watch movie after movie, usually with a 2L bottle of Pepsi in hand.
I cant really remeber what it feels like to be depressed or manic, I just remember that I was and what I did. I cant recall the actual feeling. Which is kinda odd.
I once OD on amitryptylene, ( I think I told someone this already) and I was all stoned and happy for about ten minutes untill I completely CRASHED and got all suicidal, and I literally couldn't hold my head up. Lifting my hand was a big diffucult task. I thought I was gonna die. And it took me days to completely recover from that. My head was all foggy and I couldnt string sentences together when I spoke very easily, and I mumbled and stuff..Fun fun.
And I can't believe I managed to type this with a minimum of errors. Im so tired. This is a ******** doozy of a post. Im goin to bed guys. Night.
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Posted: Wed Jan 26, 2005 8:47 pm
h3rsh3y What have I done? Everything on the list so far. When I'm manic I act like an idiot, stay up, whatever. I write, I draw, I wish I had the net all night. I self-medicate when I'm scary manic. It makes me stop and think, and calms me down. When I'm depressive I write suicide notes and emo poetry, draw morbid pictures, and talk to people on AIM if I'm still connected. My depressive cycles are fast, so I tend to not be depressed much. Often after I finish writing a long suicide note, I've cycled. Not-cool stuff: I cut a few times. I see friends of mine starting that now in their emotional crises (non BP-related) and I always use the same argument on them. Here it is. "Dude. You don't want to do that. It's one of the worst things you can do to yourself. I'm obviously not a hypocrite, I have scars of my own. But every time I see the scars it's a reminder. People ask about them. You don't want that. If you want to hurt, punch stuff. Same effect, less long-term consequences." I've convinced a couple people to punch. It's what I use now when I have the need to feel pain. It's amazingly therapeutic. I was SO not gonna mention that. But since you did, I have to XD at your comment.
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Posted: Wed Jan 26, 2005 8:56 pm
lvngembrs h3rsh3y What have I done? Everything on the list so far. When I'm manic I act like an idiot, stay up, whatever. I write, I draw, I wish I had the net all night. I self-medicate when I'm scary manic. It makes me stop and think, and calms me down. When I'm depressive I write suicide notes and emo poetry, draw morbid pictures, and talk to people on AIM if I'm still connected. My depressive cycles are fast, so I tend to not be depressed much. Often after I finish writing a long suicide note, I've cycled. Not-cool stuff: I cut a few times. I see friends of mine starting that now in their emotional crises (non BP-related) and I always use the same argument on them. Here it is. "Dude. You don't want to do that. It's one of the worst things you can do to yourself. I'm obviously not a hypocrite, I have scars of my own. But every time I see the scars it's a reminder. People ask about them. You don't want that. If you want to hurt, punch stuff. Same effect, less long-term consequences." I've convinced a couple people to punch. It's what I use now when I have the need to feel pain. It's amazingly therapeutic. I was SO not gonna mention that. But since you did, I have to XD at your comment.
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Posted: Wed Jan 26, 2005 9:05 pm
lvngembrs lvngembrs h3rsh3y What have I done? Everything on the list so far. When I'm manic I act like an idiot, stay up, whatever. I write, I draw, I wish I had the net all night. I self-medicate when I'm scary manic. It makes me stop and think, and calms me down. When I'm depressive I write suicide notes and emo poetry, draw morbid pictures, and talk to people on AIM if I'm still connected. My depressive cycles are fast, so I tend to not be depressed much. Often after I finish writing a long suicide note, I've cycled. Not-cool stuff: I cut a few times. I see friends of mine starting that now in their emotional crises (non BP-related) and I always use the same argument on them. Here it is. "Dude. You don't want to do that. It's one of the worst things you can do to yourself. I'm obviously not a hypocrite, I have scars of my own. But every time I see the scars it's a reminder. People ask about them. You don't want that. If you want to hurt, punch stuff. Same effect, less long-term consequences." I've convinced a couple people to punch. It's what I use now when I have the need to feel pain. It's amazingly therapeutic. I was SO not gonna mention that. But since you did, I have to XD at your comment. Still better than slicing. You did fine.
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Posted: Thu Jan 27, 2005 9:09 am
h3rsh3y lvngembrs lvngembrs h3rsh3y What have I done? Everything on the list so far. When I'm manic I act like an idiot, stay up, whatever. I write, I draw, I wish I had the net all night. I self-medicate when I'm scary manic. It makes me stop and think, and calms me down. When I'm depressive I write suicide notes and emo poetry, draw morbid pictures, and talk to people on AIM if I'm still connected. My depressive cycles are fast, so I tend to not be depressed much. Often after I finish writing a long suicide note, I've cycled. Not-cool stuff: I cut a few times. I see friends of mine starting that now in their emotional crises (non BP-related) and I always use the same argument on them. Here it is. "Dude. You don't want to do that. It's one of the worst things you can do to yourself. I'm obviously not a hypocrite, I have scars of my own. But every time I see the scars it's a reminder. People ask about them. You don't want that. If you want to hurt, punch stuff. Same effect, less long-term consequences." I've convinced a couple people to punch. It's what I use now when I have the need to feel pain. It's amazingly therapeutic. I was SO not gonna mention that. But since you did, I have to XD at your comment. Still better than slicing. You did fine. actually your wrong >>; punching has a very different effect, especially if you punch yourself, it stimulates happiness, some kidn of chemical thing i forget what, umi explained it to me once becuase his freind punched hismelf and got welts, and he did too
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Posted: Thu Jan 27, 2005 9:16 am
iyami shinai actually your wrong >>; punching has a very different effect, especially if you punch yourself, it stimulates happiness, some kidn of chemical thing i forget what, umi explained it to me once becuase his freind punched hismelf and got welts, and he did too Okay, I'll take your word for it. Either way, it had about the same effect for me. It took the place pretty well.
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Posted: Thu Feb 03, 2005 5:58 pm
Hmm....
Well...starring at fire, from a lighter or whatever distracts me from anything, any time, any place, so that can help calm me down, if I need it.
Usually, music helps me deal with everything, calms me down, helps me get through, all that good stuff. 3nodding
Well, lets see, what else do I do...
*shower
*write
*play guitar
*take it out on my homework (the only way it actually gets done)
*shop
*talk to people on AIM, hang out with people at the mall
*draw
....and I agree with H3rsh3y, guys, scarrification isn't worth it, you have to cover it up and explain and all that later on, just not fun at all! PUNH STUFF!!!!
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Posted: Thu Feb 03, 2005 7:04 pm
but!
Scars for me go away in a couple of months. And.. scabs allow me to have something to do idly instead of ripping my fingernails to shreds! When I hadn't cut for over a year and went onto whatever habit-forming pill i was put on I suddenly decided that my fingernails were the devil in disguise and began to remove them, one by one, with whatever tools available. I have practially no nails on either hand, just the stuff that is really really attached to skin...!
Then I put a couple friction burns the top part of my hand (Wolverine-esc) and my nails have been growing in healthy ever since smile
but I don't like cutting and I don't like not being able to wear skirts. Two forms of punishment in one, though.
I don't have many ways of dealing; sometimes even in my mania periods I cut just for the fun of it.
I do realize when I'm about to spend too much money.. Most of the time I can stop myself (I have yet to buy something that I didn't really want; every sticker, poster or picture is attached to something and every candy and shirt worn or eaten).
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Posted: Sat Feb 05, 2005 5:24 am
Most of the time I draw, call up my boyfriend, play bass or read when I'm manic.
when I'm depressed I draw, play bass and talk to myself (yer weird..)
Sometimes I don't know what I'm doing, I used to bite myself and wake up with patterns up my arms.
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Posted: Sat Feb 05, 2005 6:44 am
I dont get manic that often. Then I just infront of my Ava Adore (my computer) and talk. Alot. About silly tings. I sound REALLY freaky when I do this.
When I`m down, I sit infront of my Ava Adore and chat. If I dont get the response I want, I cut. My cutting has gotten worse the last mounth... Gonna start in therapy again.
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