Iridessa's Stash

[Regina Angelium]

THE ADMONITION

When a soul feels left out it'll walk away
Straight through that door
Without a warning and a single word to say
When a soul is trapped in a cage
It’ll try to break free
Free from the binding chains of sorrow
Of deception, fear and rage
Even a soldier would grow numb overtime
With each and every wound...
For the pain to be bearable as time goes by
How could you let it all slip away?
Everything we’ve had
And everything we’ve built together
Even the most willful needs a break
Who knows when?
Who knows how?
And who knows where?
Can you pick up the broken pieces of us
Those tiny shards which cuts me
Each time I try to put it all back
I am bleeding and dying for you
Do you even care?
When a heart starts to become weary
It’ll stop beating…
Without a single hint or a single word
And it’s owner would live no more…
And all the suppressed fury would go out
Leading a spirit to its own damnation


URL: http://mydailydoseofsecularrubbish.blogspot.com/2008/01/admonition.html

 

[Regina Angelium]

DISILLUSIONED

She'd lie awake
Forsaken and forlorn
The twilight has fallen
Upon the dry lands
And she cried
A river of crimson tears

Enchained by her own sorrow
She grew a little more
Restless as days gone by
So maybe its time to let her fly
And set her free from the shadows
That haunts her dreams

She’s lost inside her soul
And she needs someone
To save her from herself
Imprisoned inside her mind
So maybe its time
To take her back to the light

Scarred with time
And scorned by thousand lies
She’s dying… crying…
Trying so hard to move away
From the dying embers
Of her broken heart

Could somebody take her away
From that cold dungeon
And save her from her sufferings
She’s bleeding
Deafened by her silent screaming
And she long to fly… long to die…


URL: http://mydailydoseofsecularrubbish.blogspot.com/2008/01/disillusioned.html

 

[Regina Angelium]

SIX FEET UNDER

I stood at her unmarked grave
Asking for forgiveness
Six feet under the ground she lays
The woman I once caressed

I found myself one evening
Covered with her blood
And there she was crying
All at once I felt bad

Darkness crawls upon her
And her eyes began to close
Now there’s no way we’d be together
All I did was stood still and time has froze

I was caught on momentary psychosis
Eaten by covetousness and doubt
And all my senses has betrayed me
What a ghastly blunder I have done

Soon as the sun moves at the other end,
I sought to give her peace
While I’ll be forever haunted by my sin
And my soul would never be at ease

I stood at her unmarked grave
Weeping as hard as I can
For I could never turn back time
Or bring her to life once again

I’ve put an end on her day’s journey
So early that it didn’t even start
I was caught on momentary delusions
And all things around me just went dark

Six feet under the ground she lays
The woman whom I loved so dearly
So before the sun brightens up the day
Six feet under, I’ll lay with her for eternity


URL: http://mydailydoseofsecularrubbish.blogspot.com/2008/01/six-feet-under.html

 

[Regina Angelium]

LAMENTATIONS OF A MARTYR

Captivated by a broken masterpiece
Drowning in my tears
Deprived of salvation
Engrossed on eternal delusion
Condemned to loiter the hollow grounds
Casting blue shadows on the wall
I am reprimanded by the fear of losing you
Yet scorned by your mere embrace
Your voice sent me into a deep trance
And I was left longing to see your face
But the cold world turned pitch black
My blood turned ice cold
Damned to perpetual desolation
I wonder how an angel could break me in two
Still I missed the touch of your lips to mine
It will linger in my dreams for a while
But the torment you've brought was unbearable
And I think I'm going to die
You've set me to fire and trampled on my ashes
Desecrated my grave and mocked my death
Yet I haven't had enough sense
So I keep on coming back
Only to be stabbed again and again
You've led me astray on a false paradise
Painted a fake smile on my face
You've killed every little hope I have
So here I am pretending to be a writer
Gathering senseless words on a piece of paper
Weaving a poem with no rhyme
Narrating your crime
So I say farewell to that last drop
Of optimism that's left inside of me
I've fallen into a bottomless pit
Enveloped in eternal darkness
Writing suicide notes with my own blood
While recalling every word you've said to me
Could you please lie to me once more my dear


URL: http://mydailydoseofsecularrubbish.blogspot.com/2008/01/lamentations-of-martyr.html

 

[Regina Angelium]

PRELUDE TO PSYCHOSIS

I’m devoured by insanity,
Of lustrous phantasms from a grieving heart
My body’s entombed on an ancient crypt.
On the ruins of an abandoned citadel
I lie in wait as I wail like a banshee.
I was left dangling between life and death,
While every inch of my skin
Starts to freeze…
It’s all but a blissful sarcasm
Implanted on my open wounds
Dissolving my putrid flesh
Swallowing me whole
And I followed it with silent screaming
It’s a wretched prophecy commenced by a fraudulent seer,
Electrifying the vanishing dream of my yesterday’s tragedy…
And my present sufferings.
I am engrossed on horrid lust
And an eternity of catastrophic providence
So I spend my twilight hours on obscurity
As I mourn over my dying soul.
I am submerged on a puddle of my own blood
And disdained by the world’s deception
All hopes denied…
A blow to pride…
I’ve been striding over fine lines of realism and lethal delusions,
Bereaving over a forsaken devotion
Forever crying…
Forever trying…
Yet I kept running ‘round on circles
Uttering words of repentance
But committing the same crime over again
I have nothing to hide and nothing to show…
I have nowhere to go
A sick melody’s playing inside my head
An archaic rhythm accompanied by a bundle of hate
I’m an obstinate lass whose been disparaged by vindictive whipping
Now all strength is failing
I knew I had to let things loose
I have to say goodbye…
Goodbye to everything I knew...

(Rev. 2)


URL: http://mydailydoseofsecularrubbish.blogspot.com/2008/01/prelude-to-psychosis.html

 

[Regina Angelium]

I descend further down in my sleep
Gripping hardly on every inch of my sanity
Losing it all right there but I still
Fight to break free of this pain
Turn around
Look back to where I'm at
I am falling down so fast
This sorrow splitting me in half
Your memory remains
Every laughter we've shared
All the tears I've shed for you
Look at me
Could you see that I'm so broken?
Now that you're gone
I've been sent back towards the darkness
You saved me from
Touch me and take my hand
Could you feel that I am trembling?
And my voice has gone nowhere
I've fallen down into wishful thinking
Hoping that I'll see you once more


URL: http://mydailydoseofsecularrubbish.blogspot.com/2008/01/bullshit-1-lol.html

 

[Regina Angelium]

DECEIVER

Your memories left an open wound,
Even time would find it hard to heal
You've made me whole then broke me apart
Through the lies you whispered in my ears
I'll paint the sky black tonight
And loiter on these hollow grounds I'm in
My tears will water the dry grounds
And my lamentations will echo through the walls
How could you possibly kill what's already dead
Yet I could feel this pain within my soul
You were the happiness that I once knew
And the bitterness I'll always have.
You were the blood that was wasted,
The tears that I've shed,
And the love that I thought I've found.


URL: http://mydailydoseofsecularrubbish.blogspot.com/2008/01/deceiver.html

 

[Regina Angelium]

NOBODY

She had nobody to talk to
Nobody’s willing to understand
Why her sorrow’s kept her from living
And why she’s so afraid to trust

Despite the unruly urge to confess
There’s nobody to listen to her story,
Nobody wanted to lend an ear
To her tales of bitter-sweet misery

They could only give her nothing but judgments
Frail assumptions and a thousand prejudice
She had nobody to talk to
Nobody’s willing to understand

For the world she is nothing but a girl
With a face made up of wax
And dressed on fancy clothes
She's just an ordinary face in the crowd

She had nobody to see through her
Through her lipstick smiles and painted face
Nobody knew she’s bleeding deep inside,
Lost in her nightmarish fears

He told her he love her yet he couldn’t see
The emptiness that beguiles her
Driving her to the brink of insanity
She had nobody to talk to…

So her tragic tales are left untold
Her woeful words are left unspoken
Trapped inside her dying heart
Still nobody’s willing to understand

Why her sufferings are just plain too much
Why she had nightmares almost every night
Why she’s grieving over her lost soul
And why she’s so afraid to love

So she had to bear the agony of her misfortune
While her solitary vessel drifts into nothingness
For she had nobody to talk to
And nobody would dare to understand…


URL: http://mydailydoseofsecularrubbish.blogspot.com/2008/01/nobody.html

 

[Regina Angelium]

HOW

Could you teach me how to love?
‘Cos I’m afraid I’ve already forgotten how
Could you teach me how to laugh?
‘Cos I can’t remember how to do it now

Could you teach me how to trust?
‘Cos I’m too scared to try
Could you teach me how to heal my wounds?
‘Cos it only grows deeper with time

Could you teach me how to live?
‘Cos I’ve been dead for so many years
Could you teach me how to smile?
‘Cos I’m tired of wiping away my tears


URL: http://mydailydoseofsecularrubbish.blogspot.com/2008/01/how.html

 

[Regina Angelium]

PAROO'T PARITO

Paroo’t parito
Walang nakakarinig
Walang nakakapansin
Sa panaghoy ng isang kaluluwang lumuluha’t
Naliligaw sa dilim
Paroo’t parito
Walang nakakaramdam
Walang nakakakita
Sa batang lumuluha at naghahanap
Ng kalinga ng kanyang ina
Mabilis ang ikot ng mundo
At sadyang maikli ang buhay
Ngunit tila bumabagal
Habang meron kang hinihintay
Paroo’t parito
Datapwa’t walang pumapansin
Patuloy na nananangis
Ang isang pusong naninimdim
Paroo’t parito
Walang tumutugon
Tila ba walang dumirinig
Sa mataimtim mong pagdarasal
At mga damdaming kinikimkim
Paroo’t parito
Walang lumilingon
Walang tumitingin
Sa batang nangangalabit at nagmamakaawa
Humihingi ng tulong upang sya’y makauwi
Paroo’t parito
Matulin ang paglipas ng araw
May kanya-kanyang buhay ang bawat tao
Halos wala ng oras para sa iba
Paroo’t parito
May naririnig ka ba?
Isang munting tinig mula sa iyong puso
Nagsasabing maghinay-hinay ka


URL: http://mydailydoseofsecularrubbish.blogspot.com/2008/01/paroot-parito.html

 

[Regina Angelium]

WE'VE GOT VISITORS

We’ve got visitors tonight
They were dressed in black and white
It looks like a party
But no one looks happy
So I went down to join them for a while
We’ve got visitors tonight
How come they never told me before?
I could’ve worn my best dress then
We’ve got visitors tonight
But one of them was weeping
So I went down because I’m wondering why
He’s probably hurt and I need to do something
I reached out to tell him it’s alright
But my hands just went through him
We’ve got visitors tonight
They were dressed in black and white
It looks like a party but no one looks happy
Because they were mourning over me


URL: http://mydailydoseofsecularrubbish.blogspot.com/2008/01/weve-got-visitors.html

 

[Regina Angelium]

DAMSEL IN DISTRESS

Last night I saw her standing there
Crying over the love she lost
They left her torn apart
And she starts to fade in black

Last night I heard her singing
About the home she thought she found
But now she lost everything she had
And there’s no way to get them back

She sang the song so vividly
She's like an angel singing me to sleep
But her heart is dying…
So her song spells loneliness to those who could hear

Gracefully she walks along the shore
Hoping the sea’s calmness would be contagious
And for another silent night she prays
She’s still waiting, longing for his embrace

I could feel her fears and taste her tears
As if it was mine yet I couldn’t see,
I couldn’t even tell if she’s going to be fine
Or if she's going to lay her life on the line

Because she’s bleeding so hard
And she’s screaming so loud
That she couldn’t hear anything anymore
Even her lover’s calls went unheard

Last night I saw her standing there
But now she’s gone…
Without a word nor a trace
She simply disappeared in her own mysterious way


URL: http://mydailydoseofsecularrubbish.blogspot.com/2008/01/damsel-in-distress.html

 

[Regina Angelium]

LOST

Could you see through me?
Look through my soul
Beyond the face that I wear for the world
Beneath the lies that I have told

Reach out to me
Could you hear me call out your name?
I need you here with me
I can’t seem to go by without you near

In this world where we have to hide
Everything we believe in
It’s not so hard to get lost in worthless defamation
Sometimes it’s easier to succumb into temptation

In a world where we are forced to wear a mask
And to pretend that you’re somebody else
It’s not so easy to let your guard down
Because somebody might rip you out

Could you see who I really am?
Behind my fancy clothes and painted face
Could you tell if I’m crying?
Despite the sound of laughter you could hear

Under my purple gown I’m hiding my scars
From those nights spent cutting myself up
I’ve tried so hard to ease the pain inside
Now all I ever wanted is for the world to stop

Would you still want to stay?
Even if I’m haunted by insanity
Could you glimpse through my pretence?
And be there in the midst of my nightmare’s lucidity

I cried tears of blood
Shedding every inch of my skin
Trying so hard to suppress my emotion
I've paid too much for all my sins

Touch me and take my hand
Are you strong enough to save me from this?
Because I’m too weak to try
Too crippled to run and hide

I wanted to see the brightness of the day
And find the heart I never had
Could you save me from this hell I’m in?
Will you be my guide when my vision grew dim?


URL: http://mydailydoseofsecularrubbish.blogspot.com/2008/01/lost.html